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Canada / Toronto : Quand la Covid-19 touche d’abord les plus pauvres

2020.09.19 08:04 Chti_59 Canada / Toronto : Quand la Covid-19 touche d’abord les plus pauvres

Canada / Toronto : Quand la Covid-19 touche d’abord les plus pauvres
Des données récemment publiées montrent comment le virus s’est répandu dans la ville de Toronto, avant de s’emparer des populations les plus pauvres. Les autorités ont souligné que « nous étions tous dans le même bateau ». Mais pour certains quartiers de la ville, ce n’est pas vrai…
Toronto est sous l’emprise de la Covid-19 depuis plus de six mois, bien que cela puisse sembler une éternité. Le chemin du virus est vraiment sinueux : presque chaque mois a apporté un nouveau bouleversement.


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En juillet, le service de santé publique de Toronto (TPH) a publié un important ensemble de données : un catalogue de tous les cas signalés dans la ville depuis le premier cas connu fin janvier, soit environ 15 300 au total. Les données d’identification ont été supprimées pour protéger la vie privée, mais chaque cas comprend la tranche d’âge de la personne, son quartier et la source d’infection ; si elle a été hospitalisée, en soins intensifs ou intubée ; si elle s’est rétablie, si elle lutte encore contre l’infection, et plus encore.
Vous croyez peut-être connaître l’histoire de COVID-19 et de Toronto. Mais l’ensemble de données, que le TPH dit avoir publié dans un souci de transparence, contient des révélations sur la façon dont le virus s’est glissé dans Toronto et a pris pied avant de s’attaquer aux résidents et aux quartiers les plus vulnérables. L’analyse de cette mine d’informations par le Star raconte l’histoire inédite de la première vague de l’épidémie – un cauchemar que certains craignent de voir se répéter, si les leçons de ce premier chapitre restent lettre morte.
Le voyage
Chine. Iran. Italie. Dans les premiers jours de la pandémie – lorsque les voyageurs infectés représentaient encore la plus grande menace – ces pays ont suscité des réactions alarmistes, déclenché des conseils aux voyageurs et influencé les personnes qui ont subi le test COVID.
Trois pays ont en effet été responsables de la majorité des premiers cas de voyage à Toronto.
Mais ce n’était pas nécessairement les pays que tout le monde avait supposés au départ. Le premier pays responsable des premières infections de voyageurs était plutôt les États-Unis. Les voyageurs en provenance des États-Unis ont représenté 37 % des cas de voyage à Toronto entre janvier et mars, soit 106 personnes. Pendant les semaines qui ont précédé la fermeture de la frontière, les États-Unis ont constitué la plus grande menace de COVID liée aux voyages.
Le Royaume-Uni a été le deuxième contributeur le plus important, avec 14 % des cas de voyage. Cinq pour cent provenaient de l’Iran. Les infections provenant de toutes les autres destinations, y compris la Chine et l’Italie, ont eu moins de cinq cas chacune au cours de ces trois premiers mois.
« Les autres pays, y compris le sud du pays (et le Royaume-Uni), n’étaient pas dans notre zone de détection des taux élevés de COVID », a déclaré la Dre Vinita Dubey, médecin hygiéniste adjointe au service de santé publique de Toronto. « Nous savons maintenant que les personnes qui sont allées là-bas et qui en sont revenues – ou les voyageurs qui sont venus de ces endroits – ont en fait joué un grand rôle ».
Autre tendance cachée : qui étaient ces premiers voyageurs, et où vivaient-ils ? L’analyse du Star montre qu’un point chaud du centre-ville émergeait déjà silencieusement au moment où les mesures de confinement ont commencé à la mi-mars, le quartier connu sous le nom de « Waterfront Communities-Toronto Island ».
Il comprend des zones comme le Distillery District et les îles de Toronto. Mais la plus grande partie de cette communauté est coincée dans une bande concentrée entre le lac Ontario et Queen Street, y compris le quartier de divertissement King West et les copropriétés CityPlace. Le quartier de Waterfront est jeune et en pleine expansion, en particulier avec des personnes dans la vingtaine et la trentaine.
L’examen des données démographiques sur les infections dues aux voyages dans le Waterfront remet en question les hypothèses initiales selon lesquelles les voyageurs à risque rendaient visite à des amis et à des parents au retour de pays comme l’Iran ou la Chine, a déclaré M. Dubey.
Dans le Waterfront, 71 % des personnes qui ont été infectées lors d’un voyage ont moins de 40 ans.
Ces jeunes voyageurs suivaient les instructions du Premier ministre. La semaine précédant le congé de mars, le premier ministre Doug Ford a exhorté les Ontariens à « partir, s’amuser ». Au cours des deux semaines suivantes, 16 cas de COVID liés à des voyages allaient apparaître dans le Waterfront, soit le nombre le plus élevé parmi les quartiers de Toronto.
À ce jour, plus de quatre mois après la déclaration de la pandémie, le Waterfront est la ville qui compte le plus grand nombre de cas liés aux voyages, et le cinquième plus grand nombre de cas liés aux voyages. (Le taux le plus élevé, qui tient compte de la taille de la population, se trouve dans les quartiers aisés de Bridle Path-Sunnybrook-York Mills).
Le quartier de Waterfront est le plus peuplé de la ville, avec plus de 65 900 personnes au recensement de 2016, il n’est donc peut-être pas surprenant d’y trouver de nombreux cas de voyage. M. Dubey met en garde contre le fait que le nombre de cas de voyage dans le quartier Waterfront est peut-être davantage lié au comportement.
« Est-ce lié à leur âge, car ils sont plus jeunes et plus susceptibles de voyager ? Est-ce parce qu’ils sont plus jeunes et plus susceptibles de se livrer à certaines activités ? demande-t-elle. « Il est très difficile de répondre à cette question. »
On ne sait pas très bien quel rôle ces jeunes voyageurs du centre-ville ont joué dans l’épidémie globale de la ville. En mars, chaque cas de COVID entraînait en moyenne 3,5 nouvelles infections, selon M. Dubey.
Le Waterfront a perdu de son importance en tant que point chaud lorsque les voyages ont cessé d’être la principale source d’infection dans la ville. Le fardeau de la COVID s’est déplacé du centre ville prospère vers les zones plus pauvres en périphérie de Toronto.
Propagation communautaire aux États-Unis fin février, des cas de COVID ont commencé à apparaître chez les Américains qui n’ont pas voyagé ou qui n’ont pas été en contact avec des voyageurs : un signe inquiétant. De tels cas, sans lien épidémiologique, indiquent que le virus se propage localement, via des chaînes de transmission non identifiées.
À Toronto, les journalistes ont commencé à demander si la ville avait enregistré l’un de ces cas « communautaires ». Le docteur Eileen de Villa, médecin hygiéniste de Toronto, a promis d’informer les habitants s’il y en avait.
Le 6 mars, de Villa a déclaré : « actuellement, il n’y a aucune preuve de transmission locale ». Le 12 mars : « Nous ne voyons toujours pas de preuve confirmée de transmission locale. »
Mais le 16 mars, elle a annoncé la nouvelle. Toronto avait vu une recrudescence de cas, « dont certains ne sont pas reliés, et indiquent donc une transmission communautaire. »
La santé publique ne peut agir que sur les cas dont elle a connaissance. De Villa a informé le public très rapidement après avoir été averti : les deux premiers cas ayant une source d’infection « communautaire » signalés à la santé publique de Toronto ont été enregistrés les 12 et 13 mars ; les enquêteurs auraient mis un certain temps à écarter d’autres sources. Le TPH a appris l’existence de quatre autres cas communautaires le 16 mars, le jour où de Villa a confirmé la transmission locale. À l’insu de la direction de la santé publique, la situation était cependant bien plus grave. Le jour de la Saint-Valentin, un mois avant l’annonce de de Villa, une femme d’une trentaine d’années de Trinity-Bellwoods a commencé à présenter des symptômes. Son cas, finalement attribué à une propagation communautaire, n’a été signalé au TPH que le 24 mars, une semaine après les propos de M. de Villa.
Au total, la ville comptait déjà près de 50 cas qui seraient finalement attribués à une propagation communautaire mais qui n’ont été signalés à la santé publique que des jours, des semaines et parfois des mois après l’annonce de de Villa.
Les délais entre l’apparition de ces cas clés et le moment où ils ont été signalés à la santé publique étaient parfois très longs. Peu après l’affaire Trinity-Bellwoods, un homme d’une quarantaine d’années à Humbermede et un homme d’une cinquantaine d’années à Princess-Rosethorn ont attrapé la COVID-19 dans la localité. Ces cas n’ont pas été signalés avant le 6 avril et le 29 mai, respectivement.
La santé publique utilise un terme appelé « date de l’épisode » pour estimer le moment où une infection a été contractée. Si la date d’apparition des symptômes est connue – et elle n’est pas toujours évidente – la date de l’épisode s’y réfère. Lorsqu’une date estimée d’apparition n’est pas disponible, les enquêteurs la remplacent le jour où la personne a été examinée ; lorsque cette date n’est pas connue, ils utilisent le jour où le cas a été signalé à la santé publique.
Pour tous les cas signalés au TPH, l’écart entre la date de l’épisode et la date de signalement s’est réduit au fil du temps. Début mars, la moyenne était de près de 14 jours ; début juillet, de quatre jours seulement. (Ces moyennes excluent les cas avec un écart de zéro jour, dans lesquels la date déclarée a été utilisée pour la date de l’épisode).
Selon M. Dubey, les retards dans la déclaration des cas à la santé publique peuvent avoir plusieurs causes. Les données du TPH de la fin mai suggèrent qu’il s’écoule en moyenne près de cinq jours entre le moment où une personne présente des symptômes et celui où elle se fait tester. Et au cours de ces premiers mois, la province a également restreint les tests de manière très stricte.
Les délais d’exécution des laboratoires ont certainement joué un rôle. M. Dubey a fait remarquer qu’en février et mars, une pénurie de matériel d’essai et un engorgement des laboratoires ont entraîné de longs retards. « Ces retards dans les rapports de laboratoire sont des retards dans le suivi de notre dossier et des contacts ».
Confinement Quand le COVID s’est emparé de la ville à la mi-mars, les fonctionnaires ont brusquement fermé les écoles et les entreprises non essentielles. Ils ont dit à tous ceux qui pouvaient le faire de rester chez eux. Le message était un message d’unité : « Nous sommes tous dans le même bateau. »
Ce n’était pas vrai. Le verrouillage a protégé les quartiers les plus riches et les plus blancs de Toronto, mais pas les plus pauvres et les plus racialisés.
Dans les 20 quartiers les plus blancs et les plus riches de Toronto – où le pourcentage de minorités visibles et de résidents de ménages à faible revenu est le plus faible, selon le recensement de 2016 – les fermetures généralisées ont eu un effet immédiat et durable. Presque instantanément, leur courbe s’est aplatie.
Mais pour les 20 quartiers les plus pauvres et les plus racialisés – avec les pourcentages les plus élevés de résidents de minorités visibles et de personnes à faible revenu – la fermeture n’a fait que peu ou pas de différence. Les cas ont continué à augmenter, et n’ont pas commencé à diminuer pendant deux mois.
Quatre Canadiens sur dix ont un travail qui peut être effectué depuis leur domicile selon Statistiques Canada. La probabilité d’occuper un tel emploi est partagée de manière inégale : les membres des ménages à faible revenu sont beaucoup moins susceptibles de pouvoir travailler à domicile que les ménages à revenu élevé (Et les minorités visibles sont plus susceptibles d’être des travailleurs à faible revenu, selon d’autres recherches).
Ainsi, la fermeture d’entreprises non essentielles était plus susceptible d’avoir l’un des deux impacts terribles pour les travailleurs pauvres : les résidents étaient plus exposés à la perte de leur emploi ; ou plus susceptibles de devoir quitter leur domicile pour continuer à travailler dans des entreprises « essentielles » pendant toute la durée de la fermeture, et de faire face à ce risque d’exposition.
Les données du TPH publiées jeudi confirment la terrible inégalité de la pandémie. L’analyse de ces données, recueillies du 20 mai au 16 juillet, comporte des limites, notamment le fait que 27 % des cas n’ont pas communiqué d’informations sociodémographiques, en particulier ceux qui ont été gravement malades à l’hôpital, et que le nombre de cas reflète des préjugés quant aux personnes ayant accès aux tests.
Néanmoins, les résultats sont frappants. Alors que 48 % de la ville est blanche, seulement 17 % des cas COVID le sont ; alors que 52 % de la ville appartient à une minorité visible, elle représente 83 % des cas COVID. Les personnes faisant partie de ménages à faible revenu représentent plus de la moitié des cas de cette période, mais moins d’un tiers de la composition globale de la ville.
Foyers d’épidémie Le 31 mars, l’épidémiologiste Amy Greer a diffusé un tweet de colère : « Quel genre de muppet show sommes-nous en train de faire ? Je suis sans voix à ce sujet ». Mme Greer, professeur à l’université de Guelph, n’était pas la seule experte en santé à réagir avec incrédulité à une déclaration faite ce jour-là par le médecin hygiéniste en chef de l’Ontario, le Dr David Williams.
Williams a déclaré que les travailleurs de la santé dans les maisons de soins de longue durée n’avaient pas besoin de porter régulièrement des équipements de protection individuelle, tels que des masques, à moins que leur établissement ne connaisse une épidémie de COVID. Il a affirmé que les mesures de santé publique déjà mises en œuvre, telles que le dépistage du personnel et la mise en quarantaine de ceux qui ont récemment voyagé, permettraient d’assurer la sécurité des résidents et du personnel.
Il est impossible de dire à quel point cette politique est responsable de l’horreur qui a suivi.
Le jour où Williams a fait cette déclaration, dix foyers de soins de longue durée en Ontario avaient signalé une épidémie. Au moment où il a fait marche arrière huit jours plus tard et a ordonné le port du masque obligatoire pour le personnel de ces établissements, 58 centres de soins de longue durée étaient en proie à une épidémie. Depuis cette semaine, plus de 325 foyers de soins de longue durée ont une épidémie active ou résorbée.
Huit membres du personnel des centres de soins sont décédés, ainsi que plus de 1 800 résidents.
Environ 75 de ces foyers de maladies infectieuses se trouvent à Toronto. Lorsque l’on dresse la carte des cas associés à l’épidémie – qui, selon la définition du service de santé, comprennent les cas dans les foyers de centre de soins ainsi que dans les maisons de retraite, les hôpitaux, les refuges et autres – cette phase brutale de la pandémie s’intensifie rapidement dans le quartier d’Islington-City Centre Ouest. Les données de la santé publique de Toronto de la fin mai suggèrent qu’il s’écoule en moyenne près de cinq jours entre le moment où une personne présente des symptômes et celui où elle se fait tester. Et au cours de ces premiers mois, la province a également limité les tests à la périphérie ouest d’Etobicoke. C’est là que se trouve le centre de soins d’Eatonville, un établissement de 247 lits, où 184 résidents ont été infectés et 43 sont morts.
Deux quartiers de Scarborough, Rouge et Morningside, suivent de près.
Ces quartiers abritent le centre de soins Altamont et Seven Oaks, où respectivement 53 et 41 résidents sont décédés.
À la fin avril, les militaires ont été déployés à Eatonville, Altamont, Hawthorne Place et Downsview Long-Term Care Centre à North York, ainsi que dans trois autres maisons de soins de longue durée de la région du Grand Toronto.
Le mois suivant, un rapport des forces armées a déclaré que le personnel d’Eatonville ne pouvait pas accéder aux fournitures essentielles, y compris les lingettes, parce qu’elles étaient enfermées ; et a cité une « culture générale de peur d’utiliser des fournitures parce qu’elles coûtent de l’argent », comme les blouses et les gants. À Altamont, l’équipe militaire a soulevé les problèmes de mauvaises pratiques de prévention et de contrôle des infections auprès de la direction de l’établissement, après quoi « le personnel a indiqué qu’il remédierait à ces lacunes ».
Mais si les maisons de retraite et de soins de longue durée de Toronto sont plus densément concentrées dans le centre-ville que dans les quartiers périphériques, la carte de tous les cas associés à l’épidémie est à l’opposé, avec des régions comme le nord-ouest de la ville qui se dévoilent. Les raisons de cette situation ne sont pas tout à fait claires : les foyers où se sont déclarés de graves épidémies sont dispersés dans toute la ville.
Mais cela pourrait s’expliquer en partie par le fait que le personnel de centres de soins de longue durée infecté qui travaille dans un établissement en cas d’épidémie est enregistré par son adresse personnelle et non par son adresse professionnelle.
Certains des quartiers les plus touchés de Toronto par les cas sporadiques (non épidémiques) présentent également les pourcentages les plus élevés d' »aides-infirmiers, d’aides-soignants et d’associés aux services aux patients » – une classification de Statistiques Canada qui inclut les aides-soignants et autres personnels des maisons de soins. (À Toronto, les immigrants représentent 79 % de ce groupe professionnel)
Sans plus de données, il est difficile de dire quel rôle le « feu de forêt » des foyers de soins a joué dans l’épidémie plus importante de Toronto.
Un autre lien est que ces épidémies ont immobilisé les ressources de dépistage pendant des mois ; la province n’a commencé à autoriser tout résident qui le souhaitait à passer un test que le 25 mai, après avoir fait pression pour que tous les employés et résidents des établissements passent un test. La courbe des cas sporadiques de la ville a entamé une trajectoire descendante soutenue cinq semaines après que la courbe des cas associés aux épidémies ait fait de même.
Le quartier le plus touché de Toronto
Début avril, la question devenait urgente : certains groupes minoritaires, en particulier les communautés noires, sont-ils plus exposés à la pandémie ? Les données COVID basées sur la race seraient essentielles pour répondre à cette question. Mais le 10 avril, lorsqu’on lui a demandé s’il allait recueillir ces informations, M. Williams a écarté cette idée.

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« Au Canada, nous ne collectons pas les cas désignés par leur race à moins qu’il n’y ait certains facteurs de risque », a déclaré le médecin hygiéniste en chef de la province aux journalistes.
Au moment où il s’exprimait, le coronavirus se répandait déjà de manière mortelle dans le coin nord-ouest de Toronto, l’une des zones les plus racialisées et historiquement marginalisées. Cette semaine-là, Mount Olive-Silverstone Jamestown, l’un des quartiers les plus noirs de Toronto, a vu plus de gens tomber malades à cause du COVID que tout autre quartier de Toronto. La semaine suivante a vu des pics dans deux autres quartiers du nord-ouest, dont la communauté Jane-Finch.
Le 6 mai, lorsque M. Williams a fait marche arrière sur la question des données racialisées, le secteur nord-ouest était déjà la région la plus touchée de Toronto.
Les données publiées jeudi par le TPH révèlent que les Noirs représentent le plus grand pourcentage du total des cas, soit 21 %, et que les Latino-américains ont les taux d’infection les plus élevés, soit 481 cas pour 100 000 personnes.
Les 19 quartiers présentant les taux d’infection les plus élevés de Toronto sont tous situés dans le nord-ouest, où vivent certaines des plus grandes communautés noires et latino-américaines de la ville.
Le premier cas documenté de la région est celui de l’homme d’une quarantaine d’années de Humbermede, qui est le deuxième cas d’infection communautaire dans la ville. Il a développé les symptômes le 1er mars, mais le cas n’a été signalé à la santé publique que le 6 avril.
Lors des deux dernières semaines de mars, les nouveaux cas ont commencé à se multiplier dans deux quartiers du nord-ouest de la ville, qui présentent aujourd’hui des taux d’infection parmi les plus élevés de la ville : Downsview-Roding-CFB – qui a enregistré le plus grand nombre de cas hebdomadaires pendant une grande partie du mois d’avril – et West HumberClairville, dans le nord d’Etobicoke, qui compte actuellement le plus grand nombre d’infections liées à des établissements de santé comme les cabinets médicaux ou les centres de dialyse.
Une semaine après la fête des mères, dont certains craignaient qu’elle ne provoque une augmentation des cas, la courbe épidémique des cas communautaires à Toronto a finalement atteint son point culminant et a commencé à décroître.
Mais un quartier du nord-ouest ne s’est pas inscrit dans la dynamique gagnante. À Mount Olive-Silverstone-Jamestown, les cas ont continué à grimper pendant deux semaines avant d’atteindre un pic. Pendant ce temps, plus de 100 habitants de Mount Olive ont été infectés.
On ne sait pas très bien dans quelle mesure ces chiffres sont liés à l’accès aux tests.
Mais aujourd’hui, Mount Olive a le taux d’infection le plus élevé de tous les quartiers – 1 308 cas pour 100 000 personnes. Mount Olive, grossièrement bordé par Steeles Avenue, la rivière Humber et Martin Grove Road, est le quartier du nord-ouest avec la plus forte concentration de minorités visibles et l’une des zones les plus défavorisées de la ville.
De nombreux résidents n’auraient pas eu le luxe de travailler chez eux ; Mount Olive compte la plus forte proportion de personnes travaillant comme caissiers, chauffeurs de camion et ouvriers dans la fabrication de plastiques. Beaucoup d’entre eux ont été considérés comme « essentiels » pendant le confinement.
En même temps, Mount Olive possède également certains des habitats les plus surpeuplés de la ville.
En effet, les données du TPH montrent que Mount Olive a le taux le plus élevé d’infections COVID liées à un « contact étroit » – une catégorie souvent attribuée lorsqu’une personne est infectée par un membre du foyer.
À la date de vendredi, 431 personnes vivant à Mount Olive avaient été infectées. En comparaison, The Beaches a le taux d’infection le plus bas de Toronto, et c’est la troisième communauté la plus blanche. À ce jour, elle a connu 13 cas.
La COVID chez les enfants
Une importante question reste sans réponse, même avec six mois de données sur chaque cas confirmé à Toronto : comment les enfants sont-ils affectés et quel rôle jouent-ils dans la propagation de la COVID ?

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Cette question devient de plus en plus urgente à mesure que les jours diminuent et que la rentrée approche. Pour Mme Dubey, qui exploite les données de la ville, c’est une priorité, surtout maintenant que les infections se manifestent davantage chez les jeunes.
« L’une des tendances que nous observons est que de plus en plus d’enfants contractent la COVID, mais cela pourrait être lié à la multiplication des tests sur les enfants. C’est difficile à savoir », a-t-elle déclaré. « Je pense que c’est une tendance que nous devons prendre en compte pour l’avenir, surtout lorsque nous parlons de la réouverture des écoles ».
Les fermetures d’écoles ont probablement joué un rôle majeur dans la réduction des infections chez les personnes de 19 ans et moins. Le fait que les enfants ont tendance à avoir une maladie légère ou asymptomatique – associé à une aversion parentale à soumettre les jeunes enfants à des prélèvements nasopharyngés – signifie qu’ils avaient probablement moins de chances d’être testés également.
Pourtant, des centaines d’enfants et d’adolescents ont été testés positifs au COVID à Toronto. Le premier cas confirmé chez les moins de 19 ans a été signalé le 11 mars, alors que les familles se préparaient pour les vacances de mars. La jeune fille du quartier de Dovercourt-Wallace Emerson Junction a été infectée lors d’un voyage et s’est rétablie après une hospitalisation.
Depuis, on a enregistré 963 cas supplémentaires chez des enfants ou des adolescents, la plupart ayant été contractés par un contact direct avec un autre cas confirmé. Et les quartiers les plus infectés dans cette tranche d’âge se trouvent également dans le coin nord-ouest, où six communautés ont connu plus de 33 cas.
Le quartier le plus infecté, Downsview, en a eu 69. Les quartiers où les enfants sont le plus touchés se trouvent également dans le secteur nord-ouest, où six quartiers ont eu plus de 30 cas chacun.
Quatorze enfants ont été hospitalisés à Toronto, trois dans l’unité de soins intensifs et un a été intubé.
Un décès infantile a été enregistré, un enfant de moins de 10 ans de le quartier de l’Annex dont l’infection a été contractée dans un cadre institutionnel. Le TPH a déclaré à l’époque que la COVID n’en était peut-être pas la cause, mais le coroner en chef de l’Ontario mène une enquête.
Ce qui va se passer ensuite avec les enfants fait l’objet d’intenses discussions. Les épidémiologistes et les pédiatres ont des idées différentes – parfois radicalement différentes – sur la façon dont la réouverture des écoles affectera l’épidémie de Toronto, qui est en rémission.
M. Dubey a fait remarquer que les rebondissements du COVID ont été profondément influencés par les mesures de santé publique. La forme et l’ampleur d’une éventuelle deuxième vague et de ce qu’il adviendra de la courbe des cas de 19 ans et moins dépendront en grande partie de ce que décideront les responsables politiques.
« Nous réfléchissons assurément sur les tendances observées lors de la première vague », a-t-elle déclaré. « Mais une fois de plus, nous avons vu la COVID et sa transmission dans notre ville changer, même seulement de février à aujourd’hui. Et nous ne pouvons donc pas vraiment prédire l’avenir ».
La province n’a commencé à autoriser les personnes qui le souhaitaient à passer un test qu’à la fin mai, après avoir fait pression pour que tous les travailleurs et résidents des établissements de soins de longue durée passent un test.
Source de la traduction - Les Crises : https://www.les-crises.ftoronto-quand-la-covid-19-touche-d-abord-les-plus-pauvres/
Original : Press Reader, Rachel Mendleson
submitted by Chti_59 to francophonie [link] [comments]


2020.08.28 17:37 newtotownJAM Acquired Savant Syndrome

This was the second story I ever posted to nosleep. I really enjoyed this concept and have been considering a rewrite. TW - mention of sexual assualt.
It was the 2nd March 2018 when this all started.
It was a Friday. It was cold outside and had snowed the week before in the town I live in. I wore a pair of dark blue chinos and a white shirt, black shoes.
My friend Caleb had arranged to come to my flat at 8pm before we went out to the pubs. We grew up together and met on Wednesday 9th September 1998 when we were both 4 years old. He arrived at 8.17pm - Caleb was always late.
We visited 3 different pubs. I saw 23 people that I knew and we stayed at the last pub for exactly 1 hour and 36 minutes.
I remember all of this because of the part of that night that I could never remember. I only remember the details that were described to me when I woke up in the hospital.
Me and Caleb were jumped as we left the 3rd pub, there was a small alley about 20 yards from the venue that was renowned for violence. Our assailants dragged us into the alley and launched into a violent attack. They beat the fuck out of us. Kicking and stamping on our heads until neither of us were moving. They took whatever they could, our wallets, watches and phones.
Caleb didn’t make it.
I suffered a traumatic brain injury and spent 2 weeks in a coma. When I finally woke up I was surrounded by family, police, doctors, nurses and what just felt like the entire population of the hospital. When they told me what had happened I freaked out. Everything was so overwhelming. The lights, the people. It was like watching 20 different films at the same time with the volume cranked right up.
The medical professionals, police and family that became a constant swarm of overlapping movies in my life soon learned that I could only cope with two to three people at best at any one given time. They learned the extent of my brain damage; I had trouble with speech, movement and near total hearing loss in one ear but considering Caleb’s fate I felt lucky.
After a week the doctors deemed it ok for the police to interview me about Friday 2nd March 2018. That was when they discovered the true impact of my head injuries. I could recall every detail of the night it happened. Every single one, visible to me, as clear as the present we exist in.
Every detail that is - except for the attack. I could remember the 17 minutes that my friend had kept me waiting but not the face of the absolute shit bag that killed him.
The police interview sparked entirely new rounds of tests. I spoke with psychiatrists, had brain scans and saw specialist after specialist. They soon discovered that the night of the attack was just the tip of the iceberg in regards to my remarkable memory.
I had gained the ability to calendar calculate, for both the past and future. For those who won’t have heard of that (I certainly hadn’t before my injury) that means for any given date I can tell you the exact day of the week that it will have been or will be. I can also tell you the details of any given day from about the age of 8 and very occasionally younger, leading right up to my attack at 23 years old, and every day that has passed since. Details including the weather, what I wore, where I went, who I saw and more. It started slow and developed into every tiny detail of my life.
They finally settled on a diagnosis of acquired savant syndrome. A rare phenomenon in which the victim of a traumatic head injury or similar acquires remarkable savant like abilities in an area they previously did not display exceptional skills in.
I couldn’t describe it better myself. I was the most forgetful person I knew before the incident. My mum used to tell me I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached. But now I can never forget anything.
As I healed physically, my savant symptoms became stronger. I remembered more and more. Talking about obscure dates from my childhood and reeling off the day of the week, the weather, the time of day of certain events and more. My physiotherapist was happy with my progress and hospitals are desperately overcrowded in Britain so just 3 weeks after waking from my coma I was discharged and sent home from hospital.
That’s when I started to realise that my newly developing prodigal abilities were nothing more than a fucking curse.
You have to understand. Hospitals are bright and overwhelming places and it’s impossible to focus. Acquired savant syndrome is incredibly rare but savant syndrome, a similar condition, is most prominent in autistic individuals. This connection is important. Some autistic people struggle to function in high stimulus environments. It sends them into shut down mode. My entire experience at the hospital felt like how autistic people describe that overwhelming feeling.
I believe that’s why my abilities didn’t show their true nature at first.
My parents took me back to their home, my childhood home. The entire house was littered with memories, I could watch the snow fall or the hot sun beat down on a family barbecue depending on what date I thought of. It was beautiful at first. A welcome distraction from what a shit heap my life now was in my newly useless body and the loss of my best friend.
On my first evening home I was finally left in a room by myself. My mum has set my room up with a wireless doorbell that went directly to her if I needed anything. My mobility still wasn’t 100% and I was mostly bedridden so it wasn’t long before I had to ring the doorbell for a drink of water.
When my mum entered the room to find out what I needed I felt a pounding in my head followed by a beautiful light show playing in my eyes. I thought it was the beginnings of a migraine but that would’ve been too easy.
The room disappeared in a fizzle with the light show and I was back in a hospital room. Except this time I wasn’t in bed, I was watching from a position in the room that was just above the height of an average standing adult male. My mother was 34 years old and 22 days exactly (I just knew that, I don’t know how) it was Sunday 26th June 1994 and she was laying in the bed with sweat pouring down her face, my dad was gripping her hand tight telling her, “keep going baby!”
My mums belly was swollen and with the strong knowledge that I was an only child I realised that I was witnessing my own birth. It felt like I watched for at least half an hour until the moment I entered the world but once the scene began to end my mother had barely reached my bed. Like no time had passed at all. I had seen all of that in an instant.
The light show quickly returned and disappeared and I was back in my own room with my now older mum looking down at me. It wasn’t just my memories anymore. By the time my mum returned with the water I had convinced myself that I had only seen what I had because I was a part of the memory. It didn’t take long the squash that theory.
As she entered the room for the second time the pounding began again. Much harder this time, my head was in intense pain and the light show began again. Except it wasn’t a light show this time, the bright patches that fizzled became dark black smudges that evaporated to reveal a darkened room. My mum was much younger this time, 18 years old. It was Friday 27th October 1978 and she was at a Halloween party being hosted by her friend Zoe. I had never met Zoe or heard my mum talk about her but I knew that was her name and that this was her house. My mum had been drinking with my father who she had been dating for 5 months and 28 days by this point. She had stumbled into this room after using the bathroom, dizzy and confused. I watched the boy enter, I watched him push her to the ground and hoist up her skirt, I watched her beg him to stop, barely able to slur out the words. I recognised his face. It was much younger but I knew his face and I knew his name. Doug Cavill. My fathers best friend, my pseudo uncle who took me fishing as a kid and frequented our house for dinners.
Then I was back in my room, thanking my beautiful mother for the glass of water and silently wishing I could unsee what I had seen. I could barely move, I couldn’t fight for her and I couldn’t be sure if she had been too drunk to consciously remember. Brains are good at blocking shit like that out. If she had I certainly couldn’t break her heart like that by telling her.
I was also conscious of my autonomy. I know that sounds selfish but I had to be. I did my research on acquired savant syndrome and of the handful of cases documented no one had displayed the extra ability to see others memories.
If I started spouting about witnessing my own birth and an assault my mother may not even remember I could be viewed as having neurological damage or some other medical shit and deemed crazy. Apologies for the inaccuracies there - I don’t pretend to be a doctor.
I won’t bore you with the details of the next painful few months of my life. It isn’t the purpose of this post.
But I will tell you that I learned and saw things that no person should have to. It started at home. I learned that my grandfather had been a pretty severe alcoholic and had taken it all out on my dad, he’d beaten him almost daily as a child. The first time being when he was 6 years old on Monday 15th February 1965.
Then as my mother started to insist I ventured out with her, at first in a wheelchair and then on crutches as my physio progressed, I started to see memories belong to total strangers in the street. The light show would always indicate what type of memory it would be. Bright fizzling for happy memories and dark black for unhappy ones.
I witnessed weddings, couples falling in love, parties, friendships, pets and births. They were glorious.
I also witnessed child abuse, domestic violence and on a few rare occasions even murder - I don’t want to upset you with how frequent the first two were.
I saw everything, from the aforementioned awful subjects to the downright strange. One of my favourites from the strange category was an older man named Percy who I encountered in a local post office buying stamps.
On Tuesday 13th August 2002 Percy had managed to secure himself a ménage à trois with two lovely ladies named Donna and Shelley. Donna and Shelley arrived at 4.53pm - 7 minutes earlier than arranged - to do the deed and seductively tied Percy to his bed. They performed a little girl on girl action to get the party started before swiftly putting their clothes on and robbing Percy’s entire house. They had a van waiting outside full of guys to remove larger items. I know this doesn’t sound like the most original scam in the world and it isn’t. But what makes it a favourite was that Percy seemed to genuinely see this as a happy memory. The light show proved it.
You may think that you would enjoy knowing people’s darkest secrets. That you’d feel part of your own secret club full of knowledge and power. And you would be right, but you would only be right some of the time.
I couldn’t control what I saw, who I saw or what happened as a result. There were just too many. Honestly when you’ve seen as many children hurt, in as many creative and disgusting ways as I have you spend days fantasising of boiling people alive in acts of satisfying vigilantism.
I knew factually every detail of the darkest times in people’s lives, but I still didn’t know where to find assailants, or how to stop it from getting worse or happening again. I could barely even walk let alone hunt anyone down. There’s nothing on this planet more frustrating than that.
I was broken. After 5 months of it I had become completely socially inept. The friends that I did have visited until I could no longer communicate with them. Of the 23 people I had seen the night I was attacked I couldn’t call a single one of them anymore. I couldn’t look at them the same after reliving their darkest memories. It often started with memories that I was a part of but quickly turned into more private and perverse moments. No one was sacred. I started to find the entire human race disgusting and to this day I still do.
Do you know there’s not a single fucking person on this planet with an entirely happy or innocent catalogue of memories. I know what you’re doing. You’re thinking of the worst thing you’ve ever done right now and wondering if you may have passed me in the street. I really hope that you haven’t. But I digress..
I spent my time alone in my childhood room, still unable to return to independent living due to my mobility issues, my speech had improved but in all honesty I didn’t really want to speak to anyone. I avoided my parents as much as I possibly could. Got blind drunk whenever I could get the strength together to visit a shop alone and hoped that one morning I might just not wake up.
My mum pushed me to continue physical therapy and training. I didn’t want to, I didn’t really want to leave my room anyway so what was the use? I only went to keep her happy.
It took months but on Sunday 2nd December 2018 at 2.11pm I took my first steps completely unaided since the attack.
Something changed in me during that moment. I could move on my own. The deep depression and hatred I felt towards my ability suddenly felt unfounded. The fog that clouded my mind lifted as I was hit with what I believe to be the true reason for my extraordinary ability. It really was an epiphany.
I couldn’t save everyone - but I could use it to track down my attackers.
The police had never found them, they wore gloves, blitz attacked and got away fast. They’d left no trail and the fuckers who did this to me and killed my friend were still out there. They had theories that they had been in the pub with us and watched us use cash to pay for drink but the pub had no cctv so this led nowhere.
All I had to do was bump into them.
I almost always saw memories I was a part of first, so surely my attack would hit me the moment I saw them.
Please remember that I had never been able to remember the actual attack. Every detail of the night was there - my chinos, 8.17pm, Caleb... but there was nothing from the time we left that pub until I woke up in the hospital. I was in essence looking for two complete strangers that may not even be from the area just by walking around aimlessly. It was not a solid plan but it was a start.
I thanked the physiotherapist as I walked from one end of the room to the other and collapsed into a chair. He was a generally good man - apart from that one time on Saturday 19th July 2014 that he had cheated on his wife with a gorgeous transgender prostitute.
It took another couple of weeks until I could leave the house without my crutches. But I was determined. I had purpose again now. Nothing was going to stop me, I worked and worked until I could do it. Eventually my parents stopped fighting me to stay in and on Friday 4th January 2019 I visited that pub for the first time since Friday 2nd March 2018. The third pub, the last thing I remembered before the attack. Exactly 10 months after it happened.
I saw a multitude of sins in that pub for the 4 hours and 22 minutes that I spent in there but none of them were the particular sin I was looking for.
I’ve been back every night since then, weeknights included. My head pounds the entire time. For someone in my condition to be surrounded by that many people it can be incredibly overwhelming. I start to feel that shut down mode creeping sometimes but Caleb’s face haunts my thoughts for the brief time I am left alone with them. His face is always enough to bring back my razor sharp focus.
I wasn’t intending on sharing this. I thought my mission would take a long time. I believed in what I was doing but I never wanted to raise my hopes too much. I would’ve searched my whole life if I had to. But the reason that I’m sharing this, is that I finally found them.
Last night, 2 hours and 55 minutes into my usual stakeout my eyes met another man across the bar and the black smudges formed. My head had never pounded so hard and finally, after months of waiting I watched my attack for the first time.
I watched them discuss how much money they’d seen us spend at the bar and how quick they could grab it. I watched them pull us into the alley, kick us to the floor. I watched them kick me in the face, knocking me out. Caleb was awake and screaming the first few times they stamped on his head but it didn’t take long until any light remaining had left his eyes. I watched as they panicked and ran.
The black smudges returned and cleared to leave me back in the bar, watching that fucker accept a drink from the bartender. It took every ounce of restraint that I have not to go over there and hit him...strangle him...anything.
But I didn’t, I had to do this properly. For Caleb. I waited until the man settled his tab for the night and walked out of the bar with his friends, one of them I recognised as the second attacker from the memory. I had them both. I stayed at least 15 yards behind them as they walked home. They didn’t live far from the pub thankfully and when they entered the same flat it didn’t take long combined with their similar faces and statures to deduct that they were probably brothers. The memory had given me their names anyway. Peter and Bertie. I took note of the address and went home with a sense of elation.
I’m writing this tonight because tomorrow I’m going to go back and kill them both. I’ve used today to plan my attack and I’m totally prepared. But I’m also realistic. I know I might not survive or I might be arrested and I wanted some sort of record of what really happened. Someone to know that I did the right thing in the end. That I used my ability for good.
I’m sorry to everyone who I’ve witnessed go through something awful. You might be reading this now and I truly am sorry. I couldn’t save you all. I couldn’t save any of you.
I couldn’t save Caleb. But I can and I will make what happened right.
submitted by newtotownJAM to TheCrypticCompendium [link] [comments]


2020.08.06 18:08 Eki75 Xavier DuPont de Ligonnès Article from Society, 6 Aug 2020, Part 2D [English]

Xavier DuPont de Ligonnès Article from Society, 6 Aug 2020, Part 2D [English]
Previous Section-Part 2C
[4/5]
Chapter 10

A spectacular scenario

One of the observations made by the police officers in the Ligonnès’ house on April 18, 2011was a map of France on the fridge. A colored cardstock, A4 format, perforated on the left side, which appears to have been detached from a binder or book from Atlas Editions. Several towns have been highlighted (Épernay, Auxerre), other places have been marked with a cross (Montélimar, Mont Ventoux, northern Aix-en-Provence). And then there are four numbers, each one written next to the cities circled in pen: 1) La Rochelle, 2) Nice, 3) Pau and Tarbes, 4) Perpignan. It could be a list as well as an itinerary. Emmanuel Teneur tells the police that La Rochelle is a city where XDDL has always dreamed of living. They also know from the study of his travels that he frequently passed through the South-West of France when he visited hotels. During his run, Xavier Ligonnès first stopped in Puilboreau, north-east of La Rochelle, but none of the other circles correspond to the following stages: Blagnac, Le Pontet, La Seyne-sur-Mer, Roquebrune-sur -Argens. From the start, the investigators have nevertheless been convinced that there is, in this journey, a key to decipher. During his stay in Formula 1, Xavier Ligonnès passed in one of the corridors with a large book in hand, Glacé, by Bernard Minier, and glanced at the camera installed there. The police read the book to see if there was a code to crack. They retained details of it (on page 17, one of the characters goes to the Pyrenees and stops in Toulouse in an “economical hotel,” and the director of the psychiatric hospital is called Doctor Xavier), they noticed the similarities between XDDL and the serial killer the novel is about, described as a “manipulative, sociopathic, and intelligent” who took great care “to make the corpses disappear.” They also wrote down the Latin epilogue meaning “Death extinguishes crime,” but then what?
They tirelessly review the chronology of the last few days with a fine-toothed comb, hour by hour, minute by minute. This reconstruction is based on the credit card payments made by Xavier Ligonnès, but especially on the data of his phone, the use of which is intriguing. In the days following the assassinations, Ligonnès kept turning it off and on again, but most of the time left it offline: all day from the 6th until 9:40pm, and all day from the 7th until 5:20pm. He also gradually deactivates the cell phones of his whole family, first that of Benoît in the night of April 3 to 4, then that of Arthur on the 7, and finally those of Agnès, Anne, and Thomas on the 8. Is it because he doesn’t want to be disturbed by loved ones who are starting to worry or because he is taking precautions to disappear? During his run, Ligonnès only turns on his phone twice: on April 10 at 9.27 a.m. to quickly retrieve his voicemail while he is on the A87 headed toward Cholet, and the next day for the same reason and almost at the same time, at 9.48 am, this time in Rochefort, south of La Rochelle. After this, four days before evaporating, XDDL permanently deactivates his device, which will never be found. The rest of his journey is known thanks to the data sent by his 3G key, which he uses to browse the Internet, and in particular to connect to the Cité-Catholique forum, sometimes twice a day, in the morning before leaving and in the evening when he arrives back at the hotel, without knowing why he does it so frantically, or why at such crucial moments. During the nine days which separate the crimes from his disappearance, Ligonnès has only rare exchanges with his relatives. He corresponds mainly by e-mail to manage logistical questions: he suggests to Christian L., a former employee of La route des commercials, to take over the company’s website; he writes to Bertram de Verdun about the deposit of his father’s apartment; he informs the company Sphinx who employed him as a mystery shopper for his “departure for Australia.” Ligonnès also sends an SMS to Emmanuel Teneur on April 7 at 9:10 p.m. and another on April 8 at 5:59 p.m. That’s all. Anyone who tries to reach him after the last assassination falls directly into his inbox.
All except one: Michel Rétif.
On April 6, Xavier Ligonnès is unreachable most of the day. Emmanuel Teneur calls him twice in the evening, once at 9:39 p.m., another at 10:22 p.m., and each time falls on his voicemail. But in the meantime, at 9:45 p.m., when Michel Rétif calls Ligonnès in turn, his phone is on and he answers. The conversation lasts 25 minutes, until 10:10 p.m. Immediately after, XDDL turns off his phone again. In other words: Michel Rétif called Xavier Ligonnès in the one and only 30-minute slot where he was reachable. Rétif never mentioned this conversation to the police. We can still believe in a coincidence, but no need to have a great imagination to consider that Ligonnès has precisely activated his phone on that date and at that time because he was waiting for the call from this friend he considers a brother.
Michel Rétif’s phone seems to contain secrets that he would like to cover up. The study of his line shows that his most regular correspondents are his partner, M., and his son, A. The statement of his telephone boundaries, pages and pages of activated cell towers, allows us to reconstruct his last months as if revealing a photo in the bathroom of a darkroom. And what appears is enough to make the investigators fall from their chair: a few days after this mysterious telephone conversation, Michel Rétif undertook an intriguing trip to the Var on April 13, 14 and 15, to the place and at the precise time of the disappearance of Ligonnès. It is then sufficient to superimpose the two chronologies, that of Xavier Ligonnès’ last days and that of his friend Michel Rétif, like tracing papers, for a new scenario to emerge, a spectacular scenario.
April 13. Xavier Ligonnès wakes up at the Auberge de Cassagne, near Avignon, Michel Rétif at his home in Lunel in the Hérault, 800 kilometers further south.
Michel Rétif heads east, he arrives in Fréjus at noon. XDDL takes the same road and exits the A8 25 kilometers further in Mandelieu around 4 p.m.
In the afternoon, Michel Rétif explores the region. He then heads to Roquebrune-sur-Argens.
At 7:04 p.m., XDDL arrives at the counter of the Première Classe hotel in La Seyne-sur-Mer, 120 kilometers west of Mandelieu - which makes one wonder about the reason for his long detour through the surroundings of Fréjus.
April 14. A little before 10 a.m., Michel Rétif left the Mercure hotel in Fréjus, where he spent the night. He travels fifteen kilometers and ends again at Roquebrune-sur-Argens. He then spent an hour in Adrets-de-l’Estérel, a neighboring village. Then goes back to the hotel and stays (or at least his phone) in his room until the next day.
Same day, three hours later. XDDL is in turn in Roquebrune-sur-Argens. He registers for Formula 1 around 3:30 p.m. and leaves between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. At 8:32 p.m., send an email to Rétif pretending to be the DEA. “We are doing the final cleaning of the easily traceable means of communication of the family taken over by us,” he writes. At this point, the two friends (or at least their computers and phones) are in their bedroom of their hotels. It is the last known night of Ligonnès, and it is only eleven kilometers from Michel Rétif.
April 15. Xavier Ligonnès wakes up early, he takes a coffee from the automatic machine just before 8 am. At 10:19 am, he leaves his hotel by car. In the trunk, a computer bag, a travel bag, and the suit cover that could contain the 22 long rifle. Thirty minutes later, Michel Rétif also leaves his hotel.
At 11 a.m., Michel Rétif is in Muy, another village close to Roquebrune. We don’t know where Xavier Ligonnès is.
Then, Michel Rétif stops for two hours in Draguignan. We still don’t know where Xavier Ligonnès is.
At 4 pm, Xavier Ligonnès returns to park his car near the Formule 1 hotel. Ten minutes later, he disappears from radar permanently. At 5 p.m., Michel Rétif returns home to Lunel.
Path of Xavier DuPont de Ligonnès and Michel Rétif
On May 25, two days after this discovery, a captain of the Montpellier BRI and his team went into hideout in front of Michel Rétif’s home. The investigators do not have formal proof that this one crossed Ligonnès in Roquebrune-sur-Argens during these three fateful days, but they are considering a possibility: that Rétif has agreed to a meeting with Ligonnès during the phone call of April 6, then that he went to pick him up in the Var and that he has been hiding him at his home ever since. It is already dark in Lunel when the BRI arrives in front of Rétif’s two-story pavilion. For several hours, the elite police in hiding places observe what is happening there, even if the entrance gate obstructs their view. On the sidewalk, a Peugeot 407 station wagon is parked. This is Rétif’s company vehicle. The agents watch the lights come on, go out, and wait to see if Ligonnès’ silhouette will emerge through a window. The hours pass. The street is empty. There is soon no more movement inside the pavilion. At 1:30 am, they break camp, but will always keep their eye on Michel Rétif.
The investigation into the disappearance of Xavier Ligonnès is proof that we always leave traces and that the past inevitably ends up rising, as erosion brings back fossils on the surface. At the beginning of July 2011, a new aspect of Michel Rétif’s life, which he would have liked to keep quiet, was brought to light. The investigators of the DCPJ manage to bring back to life the files that Ligonnès wanted to erase from his servers. In these, they discover private documents hidden in files devoted to his professional activities. It looks like a life summed up by things kept in a shoebox. There are pictures of Catherine, songs by Waylon Jennings, a family photo album (Agnès and the children, Arthur with his girlfriend, Thomas’ 14th birthday party, the beach vacation in 2007, the family with the two Labradors), reflections on religion, letters to Agnès, a fish recipe. But it is another directory which reserves the greatest surprise to the investigators: this one contains 22 backups of e-mails exchanged between Michel, Xavier, and Agnès. The story they tell, like an epistolary novel, is that of a deception, then of a love trio.
It all started at the beginning of January 2006. After having searched the internet history of the family computer, Xavier Ligonnès then suspected Agnès of having had extramarital affairs, and in particular of hiding an “unspeakable secret.” He puts her under pressure, and she cracks very quickly. On January 9, she confesses to having chatted with men on the Internet and maintained a form of electronic relationship with Michel Rétif for a few months. They first chatted on MSN, and then their words got out of hand and they ended up putting the words to action via video, but never, she assures, “for real.” The emails that follow allow us to understand that Xavier Ligonnès then went to find Michel Rétif. Not to sever ties with him, but to offer to “share” his wife with him! That’s the word he chooses. Xavier Ligonnès has never been very adventurous sexually. Michel is more so. They agree to meet in a hotel near Nantes train station on Monday January 16, 2006 to experience a three-way sexual relationship. Agnès, Michel, and Xavier spend two days and two nights there. Two other meetings will take place, once in a hotel in Burgundy, and another at the family home, an evening of which Xavier Ligonnès will keep a video recording.
The letters which follow once again shed light on Xavier Ligonnès’ need for deranged and totalitarian control: obviously hurt - in his intellectual ego rather than in his love - that his woman could have wanted other men, he tries to take things into his own hands. It is he who proposes to Michel the ménage-a-trois, which takes place under his thumb. He also asks to be copied on all the email and SMS exchanges between Agnès and Michael, and the latter, out of fear or devotion, comply. After each experience, Ligonnès even sends them letters (subject: “evening 1”, “evening 2”, etc.) to take stock of it. In one of them, he draws up a table of their trio, presenting methodically and for each participant the advantages and disadvantages of this group sex relationship, fantasies, and positions tried or not, which he measures in percentages. He repeatedly recalls that he has been cheated, but this is only a pretext or a lever for manipulation. On March 17, 2006, he sends a new e-mail to Michel and Agnès (subject: “size”), which he introduces with “Hello, Pigs!” He explains a method to assess the size of his penis. He says that it is necessary “to insert the ruler well,” because the measurement must be made from the pubic bone. He speaks of himself in the third person (he is “Xav”) to give the dimensions of his - very much above the world average, according to him.
Michel Rétif does not respond to these messages nor does he express his embarrassment in the face of the reports drawn by his friend. But reading them makes the investigators understand that they have underestimated the nature of the relationship that unites him to Ligonnès. They have long thought that if anyone were keeping a secret buried, if there was a friend who could confide in XDDL, it was Emmanuel Teneur. But they realize that the friendship that Rétif and Ligonnès forged during their great initiatory trip to the United States and the following years is indelible, perhaps even above all. A friendship of blood brothers, as Michel often says. This has already been heard twice, and yet he has never spoken to the police about the April 6 call or said why Ligonnès turned on his phone precisely at that time; he did not tell them that he had had an affair with Agnès, then with Agnès and Xavier; nor did he tell them that he was in the Var, in the same place as XDDL, at the time of his disappearance.
On July 26, the police officers of the OCRVP summon Michel Rétif to the headquarters of the PJ in Montpellier. The lieutenant who hears it has no means of coercion. His only chance to reveal Rétif’s possible secrets is to conduct this conversation like a boxing match, he must push him to his limits, wring out questions to him, and when the time comes, ask him the one he does not expect. The interview begins at 4:50 p.m. Michel Rétif describes his identity, reviews the nature of his relations with XDDL, he talks about their trip to the United States, the 48 States they visited together, the meeting of Xavier and Agnès, La route de commercial, heritage, the affair with Catherine, the last time they saw each other, in February, in Lunel. Stories that he has already repeated several times to the police but that he has yet to replay. At the end of three hours, Rétif ends up admitting having been “the lover” or the “sexual partner” of Agnès. He tells the details of this trio, and every minute seems to make him suffer a little more. He asks for the break of his interview, which ends at 8:45 pm. In the evening, his partner picks him up “with a teaspoon.” But it is the next day that things get tough. The OCRVP lieutenant kept the hardest part for the second session, which begins at 10:30 am.
https://preview.redd.it/l87cap544hf51.png?width=2499&format=png&auto=webp&s=6985cadbacf623aadf85af62c3d36c704f4b3970
Question: Did you try to reach Xavier Ligonnès after the crimes?
Answer: I tried to call Xavier and Agnès during the whole weekend of April 9 and 10, I sent them text messages, but I had no answer and my calls were sent directly to voicemail. On Monday 11, before leaving for the trip, I discovered the mail in my mailbox.
Question: Did you receive any other mail afterwards?
Answer: No, I haven’t had any. On the 12th or 13th, I sent him an email asking him for information on one of his cars, the Xantia station wagon. I received a response on the 13th or 14th from the pseudo ‘DEA’, saying that we could no longer reach them. I spoke about it with Manu [nickname of Emmanuel Teneur, ed.], he had already gone to his home […] He explained to me that it was ‘creepy,’ the house was empty, the sheets tidy. The shutters were closed. In ten years, he had never closed them. It was a mistake, I think. That’s what alerted the neighbors.
Question: Why do you say this is a mistake?
Answer: He usually did not close them. If he has been plotting his crimes for months, I don’t understand this mistake.
Question: Are you sure you tell us everything, Mr. Rétif?
Answer: I am telling you the truth. I didn’t know about anything. Even if he prepared his escape, Xavier had not warned me.
Question: When was the last time you had Xavier on the phone?
Answer: It is not complicated. It must be Thursday 7. It must be evening. We regularly called each other at that time.
Question: Can you give us more details about this call?
Answer: It was a standard, short call, seven or ten minutes. We discussed common things. Xavier was normal, as usual. He didn’t appear stressed.
Question: What you are saying is wrong. This conversation took place on April 6, and it lasted about 25 minutes. What do you have to tell us? What did you talk about?
Answer: I don’t remember anymore.
Question: Mr. Rétif, you are focused on certain details and very vague on major elements of the case. Are you trying to hide something for Xavier?
Answer: No, I am not hiding anything. I don’t remember those 25 minutes. I don’t know what we talked about anymore.
Question: That day, you are the only correspondent of Xavier, his phone was switched off all day, except when you called. What can you tell us about this ‘coincidence’?
Answer: I don’t see, I don’t know why I was the only one talking to him.
Question: This call reminds us of a commanded call. Have you had contact by email before? Did he give you a specific appointment?
Answer: No, not as I remember, I swear.
The lieutenant then shoots down his last card. He shows Michel Rétif his trips on April 13, 14 and 15, and those of Ligonnès.
Question: Can you give us an explanation of this other ‘coincidence?
Answer: I was in the region for a business trip. I had booked two nights at the Mercure de Fréjus. And on the 15th, I had to pick up my daughter in Draguignan. On the 13th and 14th, I had dinner and spent the night at the hotel.
Question: You did not spend the evening of April 13 at the Hôtel de Fréjus! You went to Grimaud, then to Saint-Tropez and you didn’t get back until 10:55 pm. Explain yourself.
Answer: I don’t see, I don’t remember.
Question: Mr. Rétif, you are lying to us!
Answer: Ah that’s it, I remember! I met my friend Laurent\ at the end of the afternoon, ‘Nuts,’ a pilot who has his girlfriend nearby.* I’m sorry, I didn’t remember. We had dinner at her place and then we went. went for a drink.
Question: Are you sure that Xavier did not give you an appointment in the Var by phone, during your 25-minute call on April 6?
Answer: No, I swear to you, I didn’t know he was there. I learned about it from the newspapers after the bodies were found.
Question: Who could have assisted him in this department?
Answer: I don’t know.
At 6:10 p.m., this July 27, Michel Rétif leaves the headquarters of the PJ of Montpellier. Everyone is on the brink: the lieutenant of the OCRVP, who has not managed to extract any secret from him, is on the brink of the abyss. The investigation, which still has no lead to follow, is on the brink. Michel Rétif, he is about to jump in.
Michel Rétif in September 2010
* Laurent is a friend of Michel Rétif. He is an airplane pilot. He has never come into contact with the police. On the evening of April 13, he dined in Cogolin, a commune in the Var, with Michel Rétif. He remembers Michel “on the little terrace at the back of the house” of his girlfriend at the time. Questioned by us, he confirms all the facts reported by Rétif on this evening.
Next Section-Part 2E
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2020.07.25 05:09 Utreiise Est-il réellement possible de sortir de la dépression ?

Je suis en train de me relire et de me rendre compte que c'est trèèèèès long. Si vous avez la flemme de tout lire, le dernier paragraphe suffit largement !
J'hésite à poster depuis un moment par peur peut-être irrationnelle qu'on se moque de moi, qu'on considère que ce genre de post n'a rien à faire ici. Mais j'ai besoin de sortir tout ça, relâcher un peu la pression par écrit, savoir ce qu'en pensent ceux qui sont passés par là. Y a probablement des tas de trucs inutiles dans ce que je vais dire, mais j'écris ça en grande partie pour moi. J'utilise un compte jetable puisque mes rares proches connaissent mon pseudo sur internet.
Ma mère me dit que quand j'étais petit, j'étais un gosse souriant, le genre à sauter partout, heureux de vivre. J'ai appris à lire tout seul très tôt, j'étais considéré "précoce" (lol), c'est pourquoi on m'a fait sauter le CP. Résultat je suis arrivé en sixième une année trop tôt, clairement pas assez mature pour le collège, je me suis mangé la cruauté de mes "camarades" pendant 4 ans. Je ne vais pas détailler, mais pendant ces quatre années j'étais seul, j'avais perdu le sourire, et je n'ai pas pu développer mes capacités sociales. J'étais devenu très timide et renfermé. Arrivé en seconde pensant que ça irait mieux, nouvelle vague de cruauté. Je ne blâmais pas les autres, mais moi-même et mes skills sociaux inexistants qui m'amenaient être mal vu des autres. Je passais les récrés au CDI, enfermé aux toilettes, ou dans les couloirs à marcher en faisant comme si j'avais un but, ceux qui ont connu ça se reconnaîtront. J'ai redoublé, changé de lycée, et globalement ça allait mieux. Personne ne s'intéressait à moi, mais personne ne se moquait de moi donc ça me convenait. J'ai pu me faire quelques potes à l'internat, on se tournait autour avec une fille sans que ça n'ait jamais conclu, j'avais l'impression d'aller mieux. J'étais plutôt heureux dans mon club de cinéma, et j'ai terminé avec un bac littéraire.
J'ai enchaîné sur une fac de droit des assurances. J'ai appris à aimer le droit, mais les assurances je m'en battais et m'en bats toujours les couilles sévèrement. Pas le choix, pas assez d'argent pour étudier ailleurs qu'à Niort, mais au pire y a un taf bien payé derrière donc pourquoi pas. Mais à ce moment là, la dépression a frappé. J'étais redevenu le gamin triste et renfermé du collège. J'étais le mec bizarre à qui personne ne voulait parler, dont on se moquait dans son dos, j'étais incapable de focus sur mon travail (alors que jusque là, écouter en cours sans réviser suffisait pour avoir des super notes) et j'ai raté mon année. J'en ai recommencé une en me disant que cette fois je m'y mettais à fond, mais la dépression a empiré et j'ai pris la première occasion pour arrêter d'y aller. A suivi une année entière de dépression intense que j'ai passé dans ma chambre, alternant entre mon ordinateur, mon lit, et la salle à manger de mes parents. J'ai tenté de remettre de l'ordre dans ma vie et me suis dit que puisque je suis doué en informatique, autant me lancer dans une formation de l'AFPA en réseaux informatiques. Je m'en suis bien sorti pendant un mois ou deux, puis suite à un coup de pression de mon covoiturier ancien militaire qui m'a laissé sur le bord de la route à cause d'une histoire de payement, j'ai reperdu toute la confiance en moi que j'avais réussi à assembler. Mon travail a chuté, j'ai terminé l'année en ne reparlant plus à personne et en lisant reddit au lieu de bosser, et je suis le seul à avoir raté mon diplôme.
Aujourd'hui j'ai 24 ans, ça fait trois ans que je suis sorti de l'AFPA, et plus rien ne va. Après une tentative de suicide aux médicaments ratée et un mois en hôpital psychiatrique, j'ai été suivi par la soi-disant meilleure psychiatre de Niort, qui n'a fait que me gaver d'antidépresseurs qui n'ont fait qu'émousser mes émotions et me niquer la libido sans rien changer à mon moral. J'ai suivi une psychothérapeute sans que ça n'aille nul part. Cependant, j'ai fini par remarquer que mon problème était peut-être lié à mon sommeil puisque je passais mes journées à dormir et bingo, on m'a découvert une apnée du sommeil sévère. On m'a équipé d'un respirateur pour dormir, j'ai arrêté les médicaments qui ne m'avaient jamais rien apporté de bon en deux ans, et on m'a dit que ma vie allait changer. J'en étais persuadé mais après des mois et des mois, que dalle.
Aujourd'hui j'ai 24 ans et ça fait six ans que j'ai quitté le lycée, six ans que ma vie s'est arrêtée. J'hallucine à chaque fois que je regarde la date et que je me rends compte que la dernière fois que je me suis senti bien est si loin en arrière. J'ai l'AAH, la RQTH, et je vis dans un appartement avec mon chat que j'aime et qui est ma seule joie de vivre. J'adorais lire, faire de la musique même si j'étais nul, jouer aux jeux-vidéos, mais je n'arrive plus à rien faire de tout ça. Je passe mes journées sur internet, à tuer le temps en regardant les mêmes youtubeurs et streameurs qui ont continué à avancer dans leur vie quand la mienne s'est arrêtée. Je me suis inscrit à la salle pour essayer de changer un peu les choses et perdre le poids que la dépression m'a fait prendre, mais j'y vais de moins en moins, me motiver est un enfer. Je ne sors que pour acheter à manger et du liquide pour ma cigarette. Mon rythme de sommeil est épouvantable, et il se détruit plus à chaque fois que j'essaie de le recaler. J'ai un meilleur ami qui me soutient et des parents qui m'aiment, mais c'est quand ces derniers ont une fois de plus fait le ménage à ma place dans mon propre appartement hier que je me suis rendu compte d'à quel point j'étais devenu un minable. J'aimerais trouver un boulot, une formation, mais je sais franchement pas si j'en suis capable dans mon état. J'ai tenté un service civique à la croix-rouge en tant que formateur aux premiers secours, ça allait plutôt bien au début et j'adorais ce que je faisais (j'ai beaucoup d'empathie et j'aime aider mon prochain), mais au bout de deux mois j'étais redevenu suicidaire et on m'a renvoyé (à ce moment j'étais encore sous médicaments). Mon esprit est devenu un nœud gordien de contradictions, de perceptions fausses de moi-même et du monde réel. A chaque fois que j'ai l'impression d'avancer, c'est retour à la case départ. Je n'ai plus d'envies suicidaires et c'est déjà pas mal, mais je ne sais plus comment faire pour m'en sortir. J'ai l'impression que je ne sortirai jamais de la dépression, qu'une fois qu'elle est là c'est pour toujours.
Il y en a probablement beaucoup ici qui sont passés par là. Avez vous réussi à vous en sortir, à reprendre votre vie après qu'elle se soit arrêtée ? Comment avez-vous fait ?
Edit : Bon. Y a eu des tonnes de messages intéressants et je les ai tous lus avec attention dès leur publication, je voulais répondre à chacun, mais... J'ai procrastiné et maintenant y en a beaucoup trop pour que je puisse le faire. Appréciez l'ironie dramatique. Ça m'ennuie parce que certaines ont écrit des pavés plus gros que le mien sur leur téléphone portable, et c'est très fort. Je vais donc faire une réponse générale, pour ceux et celles qui ont posté et ceux qui vont encore le faire :
Je lis tous vos messages avec attention. Je vais les lire, les relire et les rerelire jusqu'à trouver la conduite à prendre. Ils me sont tous vraiment utiles, et vous êtes des amours pour me proposer votre aide. Désolé de ne pas répondre à chacun.
Merci beaucoup, du fond du cœur.
submitted by Utreiise to france [link] [comments]


2020.07.24 19:04 Ichbinian Text of Le Monde article on Christopher Nolan here (in French).

Lifted from France:
Sur les plateaux de tournage, que ce soit sur un glacier en Islande ou au bord de la mer en Italie en plein été, Christopher Nolan ne se sépare jamais de sa tasse de thé. Elle est comme collée à sa main, toujours à sa disposition. Avec le temps, sans doute en quittant son Angleterre natale pour s’installer aux Etats-Unis dans les années 1990, la tasse s’est transformée en un mug plus facilement transportable.
Le cinéaste américain Samuel Fuller dirigeait ses plateaux avec un pistolet à la main, Nolan le fait en dégustant son thé. D’ailleurs, la seule aspérité sur son visage de collégien modèle, au teint diaphane et à la mèche impeccablement couchée sur le côté, serait ces légères marques brunes sur les dents, résultat de son goût prononcé pour la théine.
« Il a toujours un sachet de thé dans sa poche, remarque l’acteur britannique Michael Caine, qui a travaillé sur tous les films de Nolan depuis Batman Begins [2005] jusqu’au nouveau, Tenet, soit huit longs-métrages. Il peut faire une chaleur d’enfer, il portera toujours sur lui un imperméable avec une poche suffisamment grande pour transporter ses sachets de thé. Et vous le voyez tranquillement siroter sous vos yeux toute la journée. Je me suis dit un jour qu’il devait avoir dans sa poche quelque chose de plus engageant. » L’acteur s’est risqué à demander au réalisateur d’Inception (2010) s’il n’y avait pas un peu de vodka planquée dans la doublure. « Non, a répondu Nolan. Du thé. Rien d’autre. »
Le seul capable de ramener le grand public au cinéma
Si la sobriété est l’un des traits structurants du réalisateur de 49 ans, il en va très différemment de ses films. La folie des projets de Christopher Nolan s’accompagne en plus avec Tenet et ses 200 millions de dollars (172 millions d’euros) de budget d’une attente démesurée. Dans un été déserté par les productions hollywoodiennes, pour la plupart ajournées à 2021, le film tient un rôle messianique. Il est considéré par de nombreux observateurs comme le seul pilier capable de maintenir d’équerre l’édifice des salles obscures, durement frappées par le Covid-19, en ramenant le grand public au cinéma.
Nolan sait la responsabilité qui lui incombe. Le 20 mars, le cinéaste publiait une tribune dans The Washington Post où il demandait au gouvernement américain de venir au secours des exploitants. Le metteur en scène insistait aussi sur l’expérience unique procurée par la salle, « le rôle essentiel qu’elle tient dans notre vie sociale ».
D’abord annoncée au 17 juillet, la sortie du film a été repoussée au 31 juillet puis au 12 août. Avant que Warner Bros ne décide en catastrophe d’un nouveau report sine die, précisant que les dates aux Etats-Unis et dans le reste du monde pourraient ne pas être identiques.
Car programmer, en pleine pandémie, une production aussi onéreuse que Tenet, alors que les cinémas demeurent fermés dans de nombreux Etats américains, y compris en Californie, est une proposition aussi peu raisonnable que les scénarios de Nolan. Autre difficulté : en Chine, seuls les films de moins de deux heures sont éligibles pour la réouverture des salles. Tenet durerait, lui, deux heures trente.
Pour patienter, les spectateurs français pourront se consoler avec la ressortie sur grand écran le 29 juillet d’Inception. Un thriller qui rappelle à quel point les films de Christopher Nolan défient le sens commun. Inception met en scène une équipe d’espions qui infiltrent le subconscient de leurs victimes pour s’installer dans cette zone grise où le rêve se mêle à la réalité. Dans Interstellar (2014), un astronaute envoyé dans une autre galaxie afin de trouver une planète habitable transmet à sa fille, depuis le futur, les informations quantiques lui permettant de maîtriser la force de gravitation afin d’évacuer l’ensemble des Terriens vers un trou de ver à proximité de Saturne.
Une obsession du temps
Lorsque le cinéaste s’attaque à la reconstitution historique avec Dunkerque (2017), relatant le rembarquement, en mai 1940, des troupes britanniques coincées dans la poche de Dunkerque, à la fin de la campagne de France, c’est pour manier une autre de ses obsessions, la flexibilité du temps, entrecroisant les destins de trois soldats qui se jouent sur l’espace d’une heure, d’une journée et d’une semaine.
Même lorsqu’il s’essaie à la forme plus conventionnelle du film de super-héros, avec sa trilogie Batman Begins, The Dark Knight (2008) et The Dark Knight Rises (2012), c’est pour faire du justicier en cape un héros post 11-Septembre qui lutte contre le terrorisme alors que sa légitimité et son pouvoir sont remis en question.
Dans le cinéma américain, Nolan est un cas unique. Le seul à récolter les budgets les plus élevés auprès des studios (de 100 millions à 150 millions de dollars pour Dunkerque, plus de 200 millions pour Tenet), tout en concevant les scénarios les plus cérébraux et les plus audacieux. Et lui, le métaphysicien d’Hollywood, celui qui fait de la physique quantique la matière même de ses fictions, à rebours de toute ficelle facile, séduit le public, le convainc d’adhérer à des expériences narratives qu’il ne tolérerait chez aucun autre réalisateur.
Il y a des raisons objectives à cela. Au Nolan avant-gardiste se superpose un Nolan hédoniste, fasciné par les films de James Bond, leur esthétique de globe-trotteur de haut vol, leur univers en papier glacé traversé de créatures blondes sculpturales, de demeures somptueuses et de navires de plaisance rutilants. « LA NASA VIENT D’ANNONCER QU’ON A PEUT-ÊTRE TROUVÉ UN UNIVERS PARALLÈLE OÙ LE TEMPS S’ÉCOULE À L’ENVERS. D’OÙ MA QUESTION : QUE SE PASSERAIT-IL S’IL DEVENAIT POSSIBLE DE CHANGER LA DIRECTION DU TEMPS ? » CHRISTOPHER NOLAN
Ce décor est celui de Tenet. Dans le nouveau long-métrage de Nolan, un agent secret, incarné par John David Washington, est chargé d’épargner à la planète une menace plus tragique qu’un affrontement nucléaire, « une guerre froide, précise le réalisateur, mais une guerre si froide qu’il devient à peine licite de l’évoquer, tant elle doit demeurer secrète ».
Nolan avait tourné Inception au Japon, à Paris, au Maroc, en Californie, au Royaume-Uni et au Canada. Pour Tenet, il s’est rendu en Inde, en Italie, en Norvège, au Danemark, en Estonie et en Angleterre.
Et le paradoxe Nolan de se confirmer. Tenet est une œuvre hautement personnelle, complexe, où l’auteur matérialise une de ses réflexions personnelles, celle du temps. Quand il l’évoque, il affiche un air encore plus assuré. Une forme de fierté qui l’anime. Le soulagement d’avoir fixé pour de bon une idée obsédante. Dans le film, à l’occasion d’un exercice de tir, une balle semble rebondir sur son point d’impact pour retourner dans le canon de l’arme.
Quelques scènes plus tard, un immense cargo avance alors que les vagues semblent se rétracter, naviguant pour ainsi dire en arrière dans le temps, tandis qu’une poursuite en voiture, dans laquelle se trouve impliqué le personnage principal, se conclut par un véhicule accidenté retournant à son état initial. « Que s’est-il passé ? », demande un mystérieux agent double incarné par Robert Pattinson à John David Washington. « Rien, répond ce dernier, les choses ne se sont pas encore vraiment produites. »
Une mémoire exceptionnelle
Le titre du film, Tenet, est un palindrome, il peut se lire indifféremment de droite à gauche ou de gauche à droite. En physique, la notion d’inversion, et, avec elle, l’idée que les lois de la physique seraient réversibles et symétriques, fascine Nolan.
« Je vais tenter d’expliquer les choses de la manière la plus lisible possible. Il est théoriquement tout à fait possible d’inverser la courbe du temps. Selon des principes classiques, le temps s’écoule de manière unidirectionnelle : il y a le passé, le présent et l’avenir, avec une flèche du temps allant dans cet ordre. Mais, à une échelle quantique, il se révèle tout à fait possible d’inverser cet ordre, d’aller du futur vers le passé. La NASA vient d’annoncer qu’on a peut-être trouvé un univers parallèle où le temps s’écoule à l’envers. D’où ma question : que se passerait-il s’il devenait possible de changer la direction du temps ? L’idée de Tenet est que le temps puisse tout à fait emprunter des directions différentes. » La délinéarisation du temps reste le trait distinctif du cinéma de Nolan.
Et le film sur lequel ce dernier revient inévitablement, comme si tout partait de là, reste son deuxième, Memento (2000), où le temps s’écoule à reculons. L’ordre de ses scènes avait été inversé, mais jamais l’action à l’intérieur de celles-ci. Le personnage principal, Leonard Shelby, un inspecteur de police souffrant d’amnésie à la suite d’un traumatisme crânien, perd sa capacité à utiliser sa mémoire à court terme, au point de devoir tout noter et de tatouer sur son corps les informations capitales lui permettant de retrouver la trace du meurtrier de sa femme.
De tous les personnages imaginés par Nolan, Leonard Shelby apparaît comme le plus proche de lui-même, et pas seulement parce que ce dernier, en parfaite harmonie avec la logique inversée de son film si singulier, a depuis longtemps pris l’habitude de lire les journaux de droite à gauche, commençant systématiquement par la dernière page. Mais à l’effondrement de la mémoire du protagoniste de Memento répond l’hypermnésie de son créateur. L’épouse de Nolan et également productrice de ses films, Emma Thomas, avait d’emblée été frappée par l’étrange mode de fonctionnement du cerveau de son mari.
« Une idée chez lui ne s’exprime que s’il trouve un cadre pour la raconter, constate-t-elle. C’était ainsi le cas pour Inception et Interstellar. Avec Tenet, ce fut encore plus douloureux, dix ans peut-être, cela relevait de l’idée fixe. Mais, une fois son scénario écrit, il a pour ainsi dire son film en tête, à l’image près. Quand il passe dans la salle de montage, c’est encore plus impressionnant. Il garde une trace intacte de chaque prise pour la moindre scène. S’il faut faire la différence entre trente prises, il y parviendra avec une facilité déconcertante. » L’ordre et la rigueur
Christopher Nolan a besoin d’une routine éprouvée pour gérer sa mémoire. Il range systématiquement ses clés dans la même poche. Et prend soin de noter consciencieusement ses idées sur un calepin. Sa tenue vestimentaire de rigueur – un costume trois-pièces, une chemise blanche ou bleu pâle, toujours sans cravate –, portée indifféremment toute l’année, qu’il vente ou qu’il pleuve, s’inscrit dans ce minutieux train-train.
Pour laisser vagabonder son esprit avec la plus grande liberté, Nolan s’est efforcé d’automatiser les tâches matérielles et les aspects les plus fondamentaux de sa vie, à la manière d’une équation de taille qui, une fois résolue, ne nécessite plus d’être revue.
L’ordre et la rigueur règnent dans son monde. Et, en période d’épidémie, c’est très scrupuleusement que le réalisateur respecte les règles sanitaires d’usage. L’entretien se fait à distance et les autoportraits sont réalisés avec l’aide de son fils Oliver afin d’éviter le contact avec un photographe.
Le réalisateur a rencontré à 19 ans son épouse, la future mère de ses quatre enfants, alors qu’ils partageaient les bancs de l’université à Londres. Il s’entoure des mêmes collaborateurs, les directeurs de la photo Wally Pfister puis Hoyte van Hoytema, le monteur Lee Smith, le directeur artistique Nathan Crowley, son frère et scénariste Jonathan Nolan.
Le metteur en scène travaille également pour le même studio, Warner, depuis Insomnia (2002). En fait, le gigantisme de ses productions, l’entreprise titanesque pour les mener à bien, ne relève du possible qu’après avoir bâti un écosystème verrouillé où chacun est à sa place. Intégrer ce phalanstère ne devient envisageable qu’après un strict examen de passage. Un héritage des débuts de Nolan où, sur le plateau de Following (1998), un film tourné les week-ends avec une équipe réduite, il s’occupait d’absolument tout, de la direction de la photo à la direction artistique, jusqu’au menu des déjeuners et à la gestion du ménage à la fin de la journée. Secret-défense
Sur un plateau, Christopher Nolan possède une idée précise de ce que constitue chaque poste de travail. « Je ne suis jamais allé dans une école de cinéma », précise-t-il. Avant d’ajouter : « Comme Stanley Kubrick. » Le seul point commun avec son maître absolu qu’il s’autorise à revendiquer. Intégrer la garde rapprochée de Nolan, un peu à l’image de celle de Stanley Kubrick, passe par un rigoureux bilan de compétences. Il s’agit aussi, à côté de l’indispensable bagage technique et créatif, de faire vœu de silence.
Travailler à ses côtés exige un goût assumé de la confidentialité, en particulier concernant les intrigues de ses films. Avoir accès à des extraits de Tenet pour préparer un entretien avec son réalisateur relève du secret-défense : ceux-ci sont accessibles sur un site sécurisé, avec un code d’accès, pendant une heure avant de s’autodétruire. Comme dans le générique de chaque épisode de Mission impossible.
Michael Caine a fait la connaissance de Christopher Nolan sur le pas de sa porte. L’acteur vétéran britannique, l’une des figures masculines – avec Sean Connery, Albert Finney et Richard Burton – du renouveau du cinéma anglais dans les années 1960, l’avait confondu avec un coursier, tant la démarche – frapper à l’improviste à la porte d’un de ses futurs comédiens – était inhabituelle.
« Je m’appelle Christopher Nolan, j’ai en ma possession un scénario pour vous », avait-il déclaré. Le cinéaste tenait à ce que Caine incarne le majordome de Bruce Wayne dans Batman Begins. Le comédien assure au metteur en scène qu’il prendra le temps de lire le scénario rapidement, mais Nolan, dans l’impossibilité de le laisser circuler, lui demande de le consulter immédiatement. Il s’est alors installé dans le salon, a avalé plusieurs tasses de thé puis, après avoir obtenu le quitus de son acteur, est reparti avec son scénario sous le bras.
L’analogique dans le sang
De Kubrick, Nolan retient un film au-dessus des autres : 2001 : l’Odyssée de l’espace. Il l’a découvert enfant, en a assuré la restauration en 2018. Il y avait ici une démarche altruiste mais aussi mystique. Comme si s’emparer de 2001, en nettoyer le moindre photogramme, permettait enfin à ce réalisateur autodidacte d’accéder aux secrets d’une œuvre dont il n’arrive pas à épuiser la richesse. Car son obsession du temps, il l’éprouve dans son goût revendiqué pour la pellicule.
Quand la quasi-intégralité des réalisateurs hollywoodiens travaille avec le numérique, explorant les possibilités de l’imagerie technologique, et tourne sur fond vert, Nolan est l’un des seuls à résister, membre d’un dernier carré de fidèles avec Steven Spielberg et Quentin Tarantino. « Ce n’est pas uniquement une question de fétichisme, l’analogique se rapproche de ce que voit mon œil. Or je tiens à restituer à l’écran ce que j’ai vu. »
Mais il y a surtout un aspect tactile dans le 35 mm, essentiel aux yeux de Nolan : la pellicule reste concrète. Le cinéaste peut la prendre dans ses mains, inspecter avec ses yeux chaque photogramme, obtenir la sensation du temps qui passe, d’une action qui est, qui ne sera plus, mais dont le mouvement a été fixé pour l’éternité. Ou, à l’opposé, il regarde cette pellicule à l’envers, remonte le cours d’une histoire.
« La caméra vous laisse voir le temps, ce n’était pas possible auparavant dans les autres formes d’expression artistique. C’est pour ça que je m’efforce tant de trouver des histoires ne pouvant être racontées qu’au cinéma », explique le réalisateur. Physique quantique et mélancolique
Quand il triture la pellicule, Nolan concilie les deux grandes affaires qui ont façonné sa personnalité, et donc son travail : le goût de l’abstraction et le besoin de raconter des histoires. Très jeune, sans doute influencé par les films de science-fiction, il s’était pris de passion pour la physique et avait été frappé par les biais narratifs sur lesquels s’appuyaient certains scientifiques.
Albert Einstein, notamment, travaillait toujours de manière intuitive, en partant d’un récit. Le physicien pensait par exemple à des jumeaux. L’un prend le train, l’autre se trouve abandonné sur le quai de la gare. Mais ils se retrouvent quelques années plus tard. « Ont-ils vieilli de la même manière ? se demande Nolan. Il y a une certaine mélancolie dans la réponse à une telle question qui illustre à merveille les lois de la physique quantique. »
Le cinéma lui a permis de trouver cette mélancolie, d’apposer de la tristesse au monde apparemment mécanique de la science. Pour lui, les avancées technologiques révèlent une immense solitude. Voilà ce qui l’a toujours frappé dans 2001 et qu’il n’en finit plus de contempler à chaque visionnage : l’humanité, à sa toute petite échelle, confrontée à l’immensité de l’univers.
Alors Nolan regarde les détails qui l’entourent. Il scrute son univers, jusqu’à sa tasse de thé. Il observe le liquide, étudie sa teinte, la théine qui se concentre dans l’eau chaude, la température qui baisse doucement. Cela lui permet de s’échapper de la conversation et retourner à son isolement. Seul dans ses pensées. Là où il s’épanouit.
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2020.07.13 09:26 Dum_spero_spiro_ [Pavé du Lundi]: jeune réceptionniste au bord du burn out/démission, aucune idée de comment aborder la situation.

Bonjour à tous, et merci à ceux à qui les romans ne font pas peur. Tant de questions, par où commencer ? Je ferais un TL;DR à la fin.
Bon, je travaille dans un hôtel appartenant à une grande chaîne hôtelière et pour faire court, la direction est en train d'utiliser le système de chômage partiel financé par l'état pour surcharger lourdement le service réception de l'hôtel, dont je fais partie.
Avant de continuer, il me semble important de préciser que je suis ignorant au possible sur tout ce qui rapproche de près ou de loin de l'administratif, du code du travail, des procédures officielles dans le milieu professionnel, je fuis ça comme la peste, mais je sais que vous, vous êtes calés, donc pour une fois où je pense avoir besoin de vos lumières en la matière, je fais appel à vous.
L'hôtel a fermé fin mars début avril à cause du COVID, et a ré-ouvert en mi-juin. Il nous a été précisé par mail que les décisions gouvernementales étaient floues et ambiguës concernant les hôteliers, que des dates de réouvertures (imprécises) avaient été évoquées, mais qu'en même temps aucune fermeture n'avait été imposé aux hôteliers. Bref, notre hôtel a ré-ouvert en mi-juin.
L'hôtel comprend un service interne de réception, de restauration, un technicien, une société externe de ménage pour les chambres et les espaces communs, et la direction. Mi-juin, ont été appelés la réception au complet, la direction qui travaillait quand même pendant le confinement et les femmes de chambre qui travaillaient en effectif réduits.
Durant le confinement, à cause de la pandémie ainsi qu'à cause d'un problème n'ayant rien à voir avec le confinement, l'hôtel a perdu beaucoup d'argent à une période où il ne pouvait absolument pas se le permettre. La réouverture a donc été placé sous le signe de la rentabilité extrême, augmenter les ventes dès que possible et surtout, surtout limiter les dépenses. Notamment les salaires.
L'hôtel a donc essayé de rouvrir tout en rappelant le minimum de personnel possible afin de pouvoir utiliser le chômage partiel pour un maximum d'employés et devoir payer les salaires d'un minimum de personnes de leurs propres poches. Evidemment, dans un hôtel d'un certain standing, les résultats n'ont pas tardé à se faire sentir : beaucoup de services proposés par l'hôtel tout simplement fermés par manque de temps ou de possibilités d'assurer des conditions d'hygiène conformes à celle de la pandémie, un sous-effectif qui se fait sentir tant au niveau de la propreté que l'organisation du travail, des réservations etc, des clients mécontents... Bref, la merde quoi !
Petit à petit, la direction a essayé d'améliorer un peu la situation en réembauchant quelques heures le matin les serveurs du restaurant pour assurer le petit-déjeuner, en comptant vraiment les minutes pour qu'il s'en aille dès qu'il n'y avait plus de clients à servir. Puis une personne appelé pour nettoyer un peu les communs et servir les clients au bar etc... Mais clairement, ça ne suffit pas, si l'hôtel pouvait fonctionner de cette manière là, il ne s'encombrerait déjà pas en temps normal de salaires additionnels à payer, or étant en pleine haute saison, post-covid qui plus est, et avec un autre problème extérieur évoqué plus haut, il est évident que réduire les effectifs rend la situation compliquée, voire impossible.
Et pourtant, la direction, qui elle même prétend (peut être à juste titre ? je ne sais pas) être sous le joug de son n+1, n+2 etc, continue d'ajouter des tâches de nettoyage à la réception, en leur demandant de faire un maximum de chiffres au bar, alors que les réservations continuent de s'accumuler avec l'arrivée des juilletistes notamment.
En tant que réceptionniste, une saison haute à laquelle s'ajoute autant de charge de travail m'impose unrythme que je n'arrive tout simplement plus à tenir. Il y a une semaine, une note de service nous a été faite à la demande de la direction pour nous dire de veiller toutes les nuits à effectuer les tâches de ménage des espaces communs. Le temps de travail peut probablement être estimé à 2h que nous n'avons pas du tout de libre durant la nuit qui est déjà bien chargée dans notre hôtel. Cette note de service a vraiment été la goutte d'eau pour notre équipe, une dispute est survenue entre notre "porte parole" et le directeur qui dédramatise complètement la charge de travail que la réception doit assurer, et s'étonne que personne ne prenne le temps de changer le PQ dans les toilettes communes. Sous la menace d'aller voir l'inspection du travail ou de s'en aller, le directeur a fini par accepter l'idée que cette liste n'était qu'une liste de "vérification de propreté" et non pas de tâche à faire quotidiennement.
Durant ce week-end, l'hôtel était complet, comptant plus d'une centaine de personnes pour 2 personnes le matin (un serveur au petit déj et un réceptionniste) et juste le réceptionniste seul le restant de la journée. Le directeur a pris des vacances, l'assistante de direction était en week-end, le technicien aussi. S'ajoute des problèmes divers d'intervention en chambre, une alarme incendie qui sonne, des réservations qui disparaissent alors que l'hôtel est complet ainsi que tous les autres hôtels alentour, et le rythme qu'on trouvait impossible à tenir tourne alors au burn-out.
Je me dois donc d'explorer les options qui sont les miennes, car c'est bien la toute première fois que je suis dans cette situation, et avec un contrat de travail que je connais d'ailleurs très mal. Que faire ? Contacter le n+1 de mon directeur sans passer par lui pour lui indiquer la gravité de la situation, et risquer de me mettre définitivement à dos mon directeur, voire me faire virer ? Nous mettre en grève ? Si oui, comment procéder ? Poser un arrêt maladie ? je dois avouer que donner le travail de trois services à un seul d'entre eux pour des réceptionnistes qui ne sont en rien compensés (au contraire, plus de restaurant, donc croque monsieur dégueulasse surgelés pendant des semaines, service pressing pour uniforme toutes les semaines au lieu d'être quasi quotidien) et qui touchent à peine 10 ou 15% de salaire en plus pendant que tout le reste de l'hôtel reste les doigts de pied en éventail chez eux, ça me fout royalement les boules. Ou faut-il en parler à l'inspection du travail ? Comment s'y prendre ? Je considère aussi juste l'idée de m'en aller, je ressens les conséquences du rythme de travail à un point que j'ai jamais connu auparavant, je me suis nourri 3 fois en 3 jours (les fameux croque monsieur), je dors très mal car le réceptionniste de nuit a du prendre des congés sur demande de la direction, et n'est pas remplacé comme les années précédentes faute de budget, et je fonctionne à un niveau de stress que je ne peux plus gérer au quotidien en plus de mes problèmes personnels. Je ne sais même pas comment fonctionne les préavis de départ, ni ce qui se passe si je pars du jour au lendemain sans prévenir (il y a sûrement des infos sur mon contrat j'imagine), sous quelle conditions j'aurais le droit au chômage (étant en CDI) ce dont j'ai besoin pour poser un arrêt maladie, bref je suis complètement paumé, et je suis preneur de tous conseils, ne laissez aucune place à l'évidence. En en parlant à mon entourage, les possibilités d'un éventuel re-confinement ne présage rien de bon et ne m'encourage pas à quitter mon poste.
Merci à ceux qui ont lu, et encore plus à ceux qui répondront.
TL;DR : L'hôtel dans lequel je travaille utilise le chômage partiel fourni par l'état pour garder 2/3 de ses équipes à la maison et refiler 100% du travail à faire à l'hôtel à un seul service de réception qui ne peut plus gérer la charge de travail. En CDI et sans aucune connaissance administrative, que devrais-je faire : démissionner ? aller voir l'inspection du travail ? poser un arrêt maladie ? faire grève ? autre ? Et quel que soit la décision pour laquelle j'opte, comment m'y prendre ? Encore une fois, je n'y connais rien
J'espère que votre lundi sera meilleur que le mien.
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2020.07.05 09:49 nonorientable_omelet I [24M] will be picking up some of my things from my ex [23F] in one month, what should I do?

I should start by saying that our breakup was quite messy. If you don’t care about the details, skip the next three paragraphs.
This time last year we were living together in a one bedroom and more or less happy having been together for four years, we met in college. I enrolled in graduate school last Fall and was kept very busy with my studies. I did try to make time for her, but I was borrowing money for school and couldn’t afford to go out like we used to. Still, I used basically all my disposable income on outings with her. At home I was almost always working on homework and I’m ashamed to say that the division of domestic work was not equitable. She did most of the cooking and cleaning even though she had a full time job. I didn’t mean for this to happen and didn’t want it to be this way, but I felt like I needed to spend as much time studying as possible and she made it sound like she was happy to help. I didn’t realize the extent to which I was relying on her or the strain it was putting on her; she kept it to herself, I think because she didn’t want to distract or derail me. I was very, very stressed and basically had no work/life balance. Things continued in this way until December; I knew that something was up with her towards the end (her depression had come back, she wasn’t as animated, sex was starting to get stale, etc.) But when I asked her if it was because of something I was doing, she would say no. I thought we were just in a hump and that the near future would bring material changes that would improve our life together (I was trying to get accepted to PhD programs, which would alleviate financial strain, we hoped to move somewhere bigger or have separate apartments, I would have a little more time the following semester because not busting ass to get letters of recommendation by app deadlines, etc.).
We spend Christmas apart for the first time and meet up for a dinner and the whole evening she seemed very detached. Over the next few nights I ask her very directly what’s going on and if there’s anything I can do to change. I basically had to pry it out of her, but once the gates were open, she just let it rip. Some of the things she said I already shared, but she basically said that she felt unappreciated and that I was depending on her too much. I recognize how hurt she felt, but felt frustrated that she didn’t communicate these issues with me sooner. I was horrified about all of this and immediately shifted my priorities so that I was contributing to housework, planning dates/gifts, spicing things up sexually (turns out, we both like BDSM), and trying to make time for her. After a few days of her revealing how unhappy she was, she mentions being interested in non-monogamy. I’m a bit taken aback and honestly felt a bit threatened by it (our relationship seemed to be in jeopardy and I knew that a ménage a trois is a common mistake people in struggling relationships make), but realized that most of my reservations were rooted in insecurity and jealousy and decided that I was willing to take the opportunity to grow into someone who recognizes the sexual autonomy of the person I love. I told her that I would need to grow into the role and that I would need to do a lot of work to get there, but that I agreed to try it. I wish I had been clear that I wanted to focus on fixing our relationship first and that I wanted to take things slow. She went out with some girlfriends a couple hours afterwards and later messaged me telling me she had hooked up with someone we both knew. She was upfront about it and didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, but I was not ready, we had not discussed boundaries; it was completely devastating. I had agreed because I thought she would be communicative and considerate of the fact that while I rationally thought non-monogamy would be good, my heart would need time to follow up. I had no time to prepare or even read about how such relationships were supposed to work, how to manage jealousy, etc.
She recognized the next morning that she had (inadvertently) cheated on me and apologized profusely; I forgave her immediately and decided I wanted to fix things. She agreed to slow things down and focus on us, but the damage was done. I put as much effort as I could into couple things while also trying to handle schoolwork, but I became very depressed, had panic attacks, was basically always in tears. Sometimes it got better; we re-opened he relationship and I actually felt surprisingly okay with her seeing other people. Sex was fun and she seemed to like the little gifts and stuff I got her. Picked her up from the airport at one point and gave her flowers, she’d send me messages while I was at school encouraging me or saying how much she missed me when she was out of town for grad school interviews, we celebrated her getting accepted to a few programs. But then she’d say something that made it seem like she didn’t care about our relationship anymore and I would slide back. I wasn’t able to think clearly and don’t think I was able to express my thoughts and feelings calmly, I feel like whenever I spoke she misunderstood. COVID was basically the nail in the coffin. By April, I realized I needed to leave because I wasn’t functional; I had homework to do, but all I could think about was how I felt like I’d fucked up the most important thing in my life and how much I wanted to die. I returned to my family and we took a break until early June when I realized I needed to read the writing on the wall and break things off sooner rather than later so that we both had time to heal in preparation for the next semester. I didn’t want to because I still think that we are compatible and could be happy together if she were willing to work on her communication. The whole time I was trying to fix our relationship, she would say she wanted to do things she didn’t want to do, would share her concerns in ways that bordered on abusive, would withhold information that was important or lie about her expectations. These things eroded at my self-esteem and near the end I simply wasn’t capable of loving anyone or anything properly. Despite my experience with it, I now think I will implement polyamory in my future relationship regardless of whether I’m with her or not (I think jealousy is just insecurity and has no place alongside genuine love). We’d been together nearly five years and cared for two cats together, I can honestly say that I love everything about her and wish that she cared about our being together as much as I did and hadn’t waited so long to tell me the things I was doing wrong. The only barrier (in my side) is that I don’t feel like I trust her anymore (beyond the cheating, I feel like she misrepresents her desires and needs or neglects to mention them even when asked directly) and I’m not sure there will be any opportunities in the future for her to rebuild it. She has communicated that she wants us to continue to be friends, but I have mixed feelings about this.
In any case, I have to see her in August because I need to get my cat and a few other things I left her. Long story short, I left him with her because I honestly wasn’t sure I wouldn’t kill myself a week after moving out. I am stable now but I don’t know what to do when I see her. I know I shouldn’t rehash the past and that I should be cordial. My feelings toward her are an odd mix of wanting to build the equitable, satisfying relationship I think is possible and not trusting her at all. I feel like I want to at least be friends, but don’t know how to be friends with someone who’s hurt me so much. Should I grab the cat and get the hell out of there? Should I ask if she wants to get lunch? What if she wants to rehash things?
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2020.07.01 14:47 bernach84 Ménage à trois ended badly...

I met my wife and sex was okay but I was battling porn addiction and past issues. I kept quiet about it while having this addiction as a result from bad stress management. As I work in finance as a consultant and manage a portfolio of client, I dated this Eastern European immigration consultant. My wife learned about it and wanted to meet her. My GF knew how much I cared about my wife and finally they met. At the beginning there was some questions about why I would need someone else, but my wife knew that my libido is strong. Eventually we moved together with our 2 kids. The Eastern European lady was as much in love with me as she was with my wife. Some coworkers became jealous and eventually a colleague of my GF called her a third wheel and she got hurt. She eventually thought about death, child support as she was pregnant with her first child and my third. Education was quite different, I eventually picked up a few words of her native language. When she was about to deliver she wanted her mother closed to her but she never told her she was in love with a couple. Her mother came and I did not know that they were competitive, they wanted to reconcile as my GF never forgave her mother of not letting her know who her father was before she was adult. Eventually they talked, and because she wanted to keep her ménage à trois à secret, she had been renting an apartment. After the baby got born and the mother was there, I was passing some time with my GF mother and my little girl. After my little girl went to sleep through a terrible night and my GF went to work, I bonded with my mother in law. Couple of weeks later, as I was sleeping with her... my wife had been okay with me having other GF as long as I was protected. She did not want to cheat and neither did I want her to. Eventually, my GF learned it and felt betrayed, she told my wife who was okay with that and felt betrayed by her. Now we have shared custody of the child... I miss having intimacy, just the three of us. It’s so terrible to see your third move away.. since then, my wife has been very tired trying to satisfy me alone.. Grieving is tough!!
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2020.04.25 22:49 MissNashoba1940 Yako

~19 octobre 2019~
Alors qu'un homme coupait certaines branches du chêne de son jardin pour éviter quand en automne son voisin soit envahi de feuille. Il perd soudainement l'équilibre, tombe de son échelle avec sa tronçonneuse qui atterrit sur sa main à présent meurtrie. Il hurle de douleur et sa fille ne tarde pas à le rejoindre paniquée avant de retourner dans la maison appeler les secours.
~21 octobre 2019~
À défaut que la lame de l'engin ne l'ait pas touché, le moteur a broyé sa main sous son poids et la vitesse de la chute ce qui en résulte une fracture importante dont il mettra du temps à récupérer.
Le soir venu, ne pouvant plus rien exercer, l'homme récupère son courrier. Rien d'intéressant, juste de la publicité et une lettre anonyme. Il décide de ne pas chercher à comprendre d'où sort cette enveloppe et la jette nonchalamment. Grâce au vent et à sa légèreté, elle se retrouve sous les bottes noires d'un jeune homme qui fixe le père de famille rentré chez lui.
Finalement ses yeux verts se détournent de la maison pour observer la lettre à ses pieds, il grogne puis la ramasse avec sa main gantée et s'en va sous les lumières des lampadaires du quartier en déchirant en quatre le contenu de l'enveloppe sur le sol. On distingue quatre lettres écrites d'un rouge sombre qui semble avoir dégouliné et s'être étalé sur le papier.
Y- A-K-O
~dix jours plus tard~
L'homme blessé devint tendu et violent suite à certains faits s'ayant produit ces derniers jours. Certains objets disparaissaient pour réapparaître quelques heures ou minutes plus tard dans des endroits improbables, enfaîte le temps dépendait de l'endroit que l'homme blond regardait. Au début, il prenait ces petits mystères sous le ton de la plaisanterie en taquinant sa fille qui ne comprenant pas les paroles de son père tentait de lui expliquer qu'elle n'avait rien à voir avec ça. Souvent cela se terminait en une dispute violente verbalement sauf un jour.
Soit aujourd'hui, le soir d'halloween. Quand il voulut donner des bonbons à trois enfants déguisés en vampire et en squelette, sa main valide saisit un couteau qui le blesse à la paume, du sang coule et il se dirige immédiatement vers sa salle de bain sous les regards ahuris des trois amis qui décident de partir.
Après avoir désinfecté sa plaie, il s'installe sur son divan. Un couteau de lancer à la main, quelques gouttes de sang sont perceptibles sur la lame néanmoins l'adulte furieux n'a pas remarqué le plus important sur un des côtés du poignard, le mot Yako était gravé sur l'acier en petit pourtant une petite parcelle du sang qui s'écoulait sur la lame avait trouvé son chemin jusqu'au quatre lettres.
Sa fille rentra une heure plus tard un sourire aux lèvres et un sac rempli de friandises. Lorsque l'homme entendit la porte d'entrée se fermer, il appela son enfant avec un ton froid. Elle respira profondément , déposa la poche par terre et se dirigea paresseusement vers le salon où son père l'attendait.
La soirée se termina sur l'homme jetant le couteau à la poubelle et l'adolescente pleurant sur son oreiller après avoir été frappé par son père. Elle saignait du nez alors que ses larmes se mélangeaient à son maquillage et son sang. Lorsqu'elle releva sa tête, elle crut un instant rêver à cause de sa vue brouillée par sa nostalgie puisqu'une enveloppe se trouvait sous son nez . Elle la saisit avec prudence entre ses doigts fin, et l'ouvrit délicatement. Elle fronça les sourcils devant le mot inscrit:
" Yako ?"
Ne comprenant pas la signification cachée, elle s'empressa d'allumer son ordinateur:
"Mot ivoirien prononcé pour exprimer la compassion, la condoléance, notamment aux proches lors d'un décès, ou à un malade pour lui souhaiter un bon rétablissement, et de manière générale à toute personne ayant subi un incident malencontreux en guise de réconfort."
Elle aurait bien aimé voir son père mais elle avait peur des représailles alors elle resta avec son air hébété à fixer le mot se posant mille questions dans son esprit. Sans qu'elle ne s'y attende, son père hurle à pleins poumons, elle se précipite dans la cuisine où provient le cri et voit l'homme blond sur le sol étrangement humide, le bord de la table montre des traces de sang, du sang dégouline de son front alors que la jeune fille retourne son corps pour constater ses blessures. Elle part alors en courant prendre le téléphone et appelé une ambulance. Cette nuit-là dans leur jardin, une bouteille abîmée d'un litre d'eau avec le mot Yako écrit plusieurs fois de tailles différentes se tient au centre des roses et de leurs épines.
~le lendemain~
Il s'est avéré que le coup fut trop violent et plongea le père de l'enfant dans le coma pendant plusieurs jours. Pour les médecins c'est juste un incident malencontreux, vu l'état de ses mains le pauvre homme n'a pas pu se rattrapé et c'est ce qui l'a malheureusement amené dans cette chambre d'hôpital. Pour la fille, rien n'était du hasard quand lors de sa visite le second jour, une infirmière déposa des fleurs fanées avec un regard déçu dirigé vers le bouquet.
Il y avait une note où elle pouvait voir le mot se moquait d'elle. Encore ce mot "Yako". Encore cette encre rouge sombre et cette drôle d'odeur. Quelque chose clochait, ce n'était pas de l'encre mais du sang. Cette réalisation la frappa de plein fouet tandis qu'elle examine les chrysanthèmes fanés. Elle connait la symbolique de cette plante qui n'est autre que la mort. Elle jette alors les fleurs et la note ne voulant pas croire ce qu'elle considère comme des pensées paranoïaques et qui pourtant sont la vérité.
Quand au bout de quinze jours son père fut de nouveau sur pied, elle rentra avec lui dans leur maison pour la première fois depuis cet accident prémédité, sa tante qui les avait déposé était malheureusement parti. La première chose qui les agresse est une odeur insupportable, ils ne distinguent rien vu qu'il était 21h00 et qu'ils sont en plein mois de novembre. L'homme trouve l'interrupteur, et lorsqu'il l'actionne, la lumière révèle la pièce envahit par ce mot "Yako". Sur les murs "Yako". Sur les meubles "Yako". Sur le sol "Yako". Sur les portes "Yako". Sur le porte manteau "Yako". Ils étaient écrits avec des styles différents et des tailles différents cependant ils avaient toujours la même couleur. Et pendant que les deux personnes contemplaient avec horreur leur environnement, une troisième se mit à rire avant de lancer un couteau dans le cou du père sous le cri terrifié de la jeune fille qui en essayant de fuir se prend une flèche au mollet, elle tombe alors sur le plancher dur et froid et tente vainement de se relever pour s'écrouler à nouveau. Quelqu'un la tire violemment par les cheveux et lui tranche la gorge après lui avoir murmuré à l'oreille "Yako".
Je m'appelle Yako. Je sais ce que vous pensez: ce nom est étrange, il n'a aucun sens. Détrompez-vous. Yako exprime la compassion, la condoléance ou permet de souhaiter un bon rétablissement à quelqu'un de malade autrement dit c'est un mot de réconfort en ivoirien. S'il est lu à l'envers, on peut comprendre le mot "Okay", une raison de plus de m'attribuer ce surnom car rien ne va dans ma vie. Vous allez très vite le comprendre l'ironie derrière ce surnom.
"Je crains que votre fils soit atteint d'alexithymie, cette maladie représente une difficulté à identifier, différencier et exprimer ses émotions. Pour l'instant, ce n'est rien de grave néanmoins les conséquences que peuvent avoir cette pathologie sont des troubles alimentaires, l'abus de substances tel que l'alcool et le tabac ou des états de stress post-traumatiques. Je pense qu'il serait fortement préférable que votre fils consulte un psychologue."
Le médecin tend une carte à la femme brune qu'elle saisit après avoir jeter un coup d'œil à son fils ,Liam, qui fixe la fenêtre indifférent aux paroles du docteur.
La femme se mit à observer son garçon au lieu de se concentrer sur la route, elle s'inquiète pour lui surtout après les paroles du docteur. Elle se souvient encore du jour où leur fils était revenu avec un piercing au lobe de son oreille. Elle et son mari furent catégorique néanmoins la femme de son frère a encouragé Liam dans sa démarche et l'a aidé à obtenir ce piercing en lui fournissant une autorisation et en l'accompagnant. Et c'était le même jour où il s'est teint pour la première fois ses cheveux et a changé son style vestimentaire: ses cheveux bruns étaient complètement désordonnés et avaient le bout de leurs mèches bleues, quant à sa tenue, il était vêtu d'une chemise noir, d'un t-shirt représentant la tête du personnage principal de L'étrange noël de Monsieur Jack avec une phrase "Scaring makes me smile", d'un jean bleu foncé, d'une chaîne de pantalon et de bottes en cuir noires.
Il n'a plus jamais reporté ses vêtements après la gifle que lui infligea son père même s'il était habitué: sa famille était très croyante et stricte. Sa mère est femme au foyer et son père est un excellent avocat alors il a une réputation qu'il se doit d'entretenir.
Liam malgré toutes les protestations de ses parents a gardé sa coiffure et son piercing, ce qui lui vaut des jugements de la part des autres. Il n'y prête guère attention à la différence de ses parents. La relation qu'ils entretiennent n'est pas la plus stable et la plus calme, et elle se dégrade de plus en plus avec le temps surtout après ce fameux jour. En plus d'avoir été frappé, ses parents lui ont enlevé sa passion, l'équitation. Qui pour sa famille était un sport de femme.
Une fois rentré chez eux, l'adolescent sortit en trombe de la voiture et se dirigea immédiatement vers sa chambre en saluant rapidement et poliment la femme de ménage, une ivoirienne âgée de 56 ans. Il apprécie vraiment cette femme autant que sa tante , elle est la seule qui a l'audace de s'opposer à son père. Son travail remarquable obligeait l'homme à quelques occasions de se soumettre à elle ce qui amusait le fils.
Le soir venu, sa mère annonça à son mari le diagnostic du médecin. Au lieu d'examiner la carte du psychologue, il préféra s'en moquer affirmant que sa femme est une idiote pour avoir écouter les conseils du docteur. Selon lui l'enfant sous ses yeux apprend juste à devenir un homme et que le garçon devrait le remercier puisque c'est grâce à l'éducation qu'il a reçu. Comme d'habitude sa mère se contente de ne rien dire laissant les rênes à son mari.
Alors que Liam écoute une chanson de Three days grace la femme de ménage, Aminata, rentre dans la chambre de l'adolescent qui lui offre un sourire amical. Elle s'empresse de saisir les mains du jeune homme:
"Yako, Liam."
Le brun fronce les sourcils, répète le mot et regarde confus l'ivoirienne qui sourit.
"Dans ton cas, Yako signifie bon rétablissement. Je dois y aller, mes enfants m'attendent. Tu n'as qu'a demandé à ton internet."
Il rit avant de souhaiter une bonne nuit à la femme et d'aller sur son ordinateur pour en apprendre plus sur ce mot alors qu'elle quitte la pièce.
Les jours suivant, rien d'intéressant se passe dans la maison des Arrijuria. Mis à part cette incident avec le père: Liam n'avait pas pris soin de bien ranger son skateboard. Cette chute bien que ridicule lui valut une minerve et quand il revient des urgences, son fils lui sourit faussement en citant le mot qu'Aminata lui a apprit quelques jours de cela. Voir son père dans cette situation lui a donné une émotion plaisante ,la joie. Du moins il l'interprète comme tel, lorsqu'en effet la nouvelle lui parvenu, il a rit. Leur relation et ce rire face à la gravité de la situation l'ont amené à penser qu'il aimait ça sans se douter une seule seconde que cette réaction s'apparente à de la panique.
Ce sentiment l'avait tellement submergé que lorsque l'occasion de blesser son père s'est présenté à lui il n'a pas hésité. La femme de ménage était malade ce jour-là son père se reposait dans le salon, il avait pu enlever le collier cervical, la mère de Liam avait demandé au garçon s'il pouvait apporter une tasse de café bouillante à l'homme installé sur le divan. Et alors qu'il transportait la boisson, l'idée de renverser celle-ci sur son père refit naître en lui cette émotion ressenti le jour de l'incident du skateboard. Sans hésiter, il stimule une chute et l'homme en face de lui hurle sous l'effet de la douleur pendant que le garçon rit et murmure "Yako".
Et l'adolescent recommença à blesser l'adulte par stratagèmes futiles que seul le père voyait la machination enfin au début. Effectivement Aminata et la mère commencèrent avoir un doute sur la sincérité du jeune homme, et une violente dispute éclata entre les quatre personnes, se sentant trahi par la femme de ménage Liam ne s'est pas retenu pour l'insulter ce qui lui vaut une claque bien méritée. Un silence s'abat alors et le garçon file dans sa chambre sans un mot où il vide son armoire et attrape les vêtements que ses parents détestent. Il les enfilent et part de la maison en se faufilant par la fenêtre.
Quand la femme de ménage, après s'être calmée, a rejoint la chambre de Liam. Elle remarque qu'il s'est enfuit et part prévenir dans la seconde qui suit les parents. Ayant l'habitude de ces moments de disparitions, ils n'appelèrent pas la police. Préférant chercher l'adolescent par eux-même. Malheureusement pour eux une heure auparavant, le fils avait trafiqué la voiture de sorte à ce que son père est un grave accident. L'inévitable se produit. L'incident fit la une des journaux, le père tomba dans le coma alors que les femmes s'en sortir avec des séquelles. Quand la nouvelle parvint à Liam, sa seule réaction fut un rire et un mot "Yako".
Prénom : Liam
Nom : Arrijuria
Surnom : Yako
Raison du surnom : C'est de l'ironie. La vie de Liam est assez compliquée, et à l'envers Yoka devient Okay puis en fouinant sur Internet j'ai appris que Yoka est un mot ivoirien exprimant la compassion, la condoléance ou permet de souhaiter un bon rétablissement à une personne malade.
Date de naissance : 2 Novembre 2004
Nationalité: Française
CARACTÉRISTIQUES PHYSIQUES
Taille : 1m70
Couleur de la peau : Peau claire
Couleur des cheveux : Brun
Couleur des yeux : Verts
Etat de santé : Atteint d'alexithymie, cette maladie présente (chez la personne atteinte) des difficultés à identifier, différencier et exprimer ses émotions.
submitted by MissNashoba1940 to HORRIFIX [link] [comments]


2020.03.14 08:37 2k11-12cheer Just Trying to...Figuring It All Out:

Hi there! I’m a 22 y/o female who is trying to figure herself out and decided to come to the one place I felt I could do that. For the last year I’ve been single and truly allowed myself to think freely and do freely. I’ve began to question my sexuality as more and more of my friends have shown their openness to dating or sleeping with multiple genders and it has become something I admire and I’ve begun to allow myself to be open minded to as well. I also truly started to question it after being in a relationship with a guy who was very pressuring because he wanted to be married by 25 and have kids by 30 and I was still trying to graduate from college and figure out my next step, let alone marry someone. As I have begun to allow myself to think openly I’ve realized that I do have an attraction to women, to what extent I’m not sure because I’ve only felt the yearn to really be with men and be sexual with men throughout my life and have only truly been open to being sexual with women over the last year. I have always been into lesbian porn since I was in middle school (give or take) and discovering that world, (which is why I thought I may be gay for a long time while still being very hyper sexual and attracted to boys) but that was also along with gay porn and straight porn and I’ve talked to a girl on twitter through a fandom account before, even though I’ve never had crushes on women until college and I’ve never been with a women outside of a ménage á trois. That happened recently, which was an awesome experience because the people were super cool but I still felt no desire to go down on the woman, but enjoyed the experience over all and would definitely be down to do it again. Right now I’m dealing with wanting to actually experiment with a woman, just us, because I feel like it would answer a lot of questions for me about my attractions and my openness, even though I am terrified. But I’m trying to figure out my feelings now because I have someone (a guy) that I could really see myself being with because he’s a great person, not because of his gender. So I feel so torn. I know if we were to date that he stands with the LGBTQ community, but I’m not sure how he would feel about dating someone who was apart of it. Because I’m not sure of my sexuality, and because I want to experiment with a woman and I’ve enjoyed lesbian porn, I feel like I have to say and admit I’m gay, but I’m also still into guys, but could totally see my attraction shifting on and off, so I’m not sure where I stand. And I’m wondering if you guys have experienced this as you were figuring yourself out as well and how you handled it and didn’t conform to choosing sides. Bi-curious/bisexual/ or just straight?
submitted by 2k11-12cheer to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.01.29 12:31 Killer_Avocado Looking for tips on how to compromise over Kitchen Table and Parallel poly

My partner is seemingly wanting a parallel poly relationship. I define this as person A dates person B and person B dates person C. A and C are aware of each other and the goings on but they have very limited interaction. My ideal situation would be that A and C have some sort of bonding/relationship to the point that we can all share a mutual activity together, not a Ménage à trois, like bowling or camping. I understand that I can't force anyone to like anyone else and I have to accept that A may simply just not like C for whatever reason. With that said, do y'all have any tips or helpful words of advice on how to navigate the situation that I've found myself in?
Probably way to much context below, feel free to read if you want.
I'm (31 M) am in an open/poly relationship with A (26 f). A was poly when we met and I was mono, this was about five years ago. We started as roommates, clicked and I agreed to being in an open relationship.
During the course of our relationship she's been a lot more active dating and seeing other people. At first it was really hard for me and I struggled with feeling inadequate and frequently held feelings of jealousy and resentment. Now, I'd like to think that I'm able to ID when I'm feeling jealous/envious and how to communicate that effectively and express my needs/wants. It's a constant work in progress. I think that a lot of this has to do with how judgemental I am, EG, metas not living up to my expectations of what my partner deserves. It's taken a lot of work for me to understand and fully grok that she can like what I don't, and it's okay for me not to understand an attraction. In the past year my partner had a realization/coming to terms about her sexuality. To put it simply, and to respect her privacy, the result is that we have sex about once a month now. I have a libido that desires more sex than that and as a result, I went looking for a friend with benefits -- per A's suggestion. Up to this point, I kind of dabbled with dating others but I'm a pretty introverted person and even more judgemental. So to find someone that I enjoy and that also enjoys me was a challenge that I just didn't put much effort towards, since I didn't really have any unmet wants. So I downloaded all the apps, set up the profiles and did the thing.
Forward to about three weeks ago and I finally met someone who I enjoyed, was attracted to and also wanted a FWB/non-committal relationship. I met FWB (25 f) in person about two weeks ago to share a mutual hobby and really hit it off. We met again and we got physical. This is all on the 'up and up', read ethical. My partner knows what's going on most every step of the way -- it's all kosher.
Then today happens and my FWB asks for a ride from work to home. This was after confiding in me that she had a rough work week and me asking if there was something I could do to help. Now, my over-analytical and judgmental brain kicks into high gear. So I do what I always do when I'm faced with my over acting brain, I talk with my partner, A. We talk through it and A states that she thinks that FWB would want to hang/bang after I take her home and isn't being totally straight-forward. Getting physical wasn't something that I was interested in doing today, due to mostly work constraints. So I let my FWB know that I would be willing to pick them up and drop them off, but I had to focus on some self-care. (I work graveyards so I would have needed to shower and get ready for work after picking up FWB). FWB understood this and shared that she actually did want to hang out afterwards, queue victory "i was right dance" from A. Long story even longer, I didn't pick up FWB at FWB's request due to the fact that they didn't want it to be a chore for me. I told them that it'd be a favor that I would do for a friend and that I didn't consider it a chore. Anyways, the pickup never happened and I didn't have to rush before work, which is always a positive for me.
Anyways, during the course of the discussion with my partner, A, we came to the realization that this FWB thing may evolve into something more formal. During the conversation it was discussed that if that were to happen, it's okay with A. So during the course of texting FWB I bring up the conversation that I had with A to get FWB's thoughts on how they were feeling regarding the potentiality of our relationship. It turns out that they are feeling similarly to me and are open to the fact that this affair that we have could turn into something more serious. Which finally brings me to my question, which I put up at the top as to not have it buried at the end of a really long post so I could actually get some advice. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I hope you have a great rest of your day!
submitted by Killer_Avocado to polyamory [link] [comments]


2020.01.21 23:46 songbirdjen Alcohol and the Booty Call

So, what’s one of the first decisions that I made in recovery? Well, I decided to listen. I knew that others were right about my drinking problem. They were only confirming what I already knew to be true, that I could not control my drinking and that it was indeed getting worse, causing pain for myself and others around me. That information came from trusted individuals like Mike, a couple of close friends, my parents, and my children (although they didn’t know how truly bad it was). And at last, I didn’t fight what I was being told. Truly, that had been a major issue in the past. If someone told me I should stop, or came at me with judgement or arrogance, OR told me exactly how to do it, and didn’t have their side of the street clean, I did not listen. Meaning, if I was threatened by someone who I didn’t trust, their feedback meant nothing to me, and was taken as a reason to continue drinking. Of course, I know now that this was a ridiculous way to exert my independence, but true nonetheless. So, their information might have been entirely true about me, but I chose to only see hypocrisy.
This “listening to trusted individuals” got me through the door of rehab and continued as I built relationships with counselors there. I believe it “may” have been possible to make this decision to quit drinking without formal treatment….but looking back, it’s also possible that the actual listening, by my spiritual self, took weeks and even months, instead of minutes. I don’t really know. It’s not as if these self-realizations came as bolts of lightning with a fortune cookie saying that I could quote. It’s a process. But by going away, I just so happened to increase the likelihood that I was surrounded by these individuals, right? I mean, I think it was probably a good idea to have very bright and powerful teachers around me everyday for a month. Who wouldn’t want that??? And yes, it was a good decision to enter a facility, where I did not even have the option to drink for at least 30 days.
Upon returning home, I continued to focus on the company I kept and was careful with whose fellowship and whose feedback I took in. I surrounded myself with the most important people in my life. I was not demeaned or approached with doubt at every turn. They did not come at me with anger, punishment or question my resolve. They came to me with acceptance, love and positivism. And for an independent soul, this was more than effective, in my case. And I considered it my responsibility to continue to build relationships that fostered this positivism. If someone was holding me back from this better part of myself, I kept my distance. They were not welcomed into my spiritual space, and their feedback, once again, did not hold weight. This wasn't being rude, it was creating boundaries for what would support my recovery. Why do you think I waited 9 months to begin writing like this? There's no way I would have been ready at the beginning of the journey. I learned what to take in healthily, and that has allowed me to decide what I give in return.
You learn a lot about those around you when you admit to addiction. Some of that hinges on my own actions, and sometimes it’s very clear where someone stands in their acceptance and/or encouragement of my recovery. There are some that won’t even mention it (and I assume these same people think writing in this way should be embarrassing), as if it’s too dirty to talk about, or that I’ve now changed just because I admitted my past failures. This is not fun to endure, but just another part of paying attention to what I’m being taught. About people. And about life. And I have to remind myself that this doesn't mean that I am dirty, it is just indicative of what they would like to talk about or acknowledge. But this is sometimes hurtful to me. I work to overcome these feelings daily.
Secondly, I had to define my relationship with alcohol. I had to take note of what it brought me in the past and decide what role it would have in my life moving forward. In the 12-Step world, this was really my Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Let me explain it this way.
I decided that alcohol only hurt me and took me away from my core self, which is good in nature. And I had to decide what that meant moving forward, because I could not eradicate alcohol, as a substance, from this earth.
I had to choose to redefine the relationship and take back my power. That’s the irony in Step One, that I admitted I was powerless over a substance, and subsequently took back my power and potential in every other way. It was clear that my own actions would determine if I was successful. Bottles of bubbly didn’t hold the power. And no other person could make this decision for me or commit to the actions that would support this realization. Only myself.
Therefore, to put it simply, I chose to break up with alcohol.
This was the history. I had had a long-standing unhealthy relationship with it, that had never served me well, never gave me what I wanted, and only reduced me in many ways. I mean, it had a great personality and all. Charming and charismatic. Sexy as hell, too. I just got into bed with it one too many times. You know, like the guy who calls at midnight from the bar, sleeps with you that night, but seems embarrassed about it in the light of day….leaving you shameful and hurt, and wondering why you let it happen again.
And then he goes on to date one of your friends, treats her well, and is a loving and supportive partner!
Like that.
In the past, I had invited alcohol into my space and into my body, always with the same results, and I constantly questioned why I liked it so much?!? It was telling me everything I needed to know about the relationship, but I wasn’t willing to acknowledge the fact that I just couldn’t handle what it was willing to offer. A down and dirty booty call that left me depleted of self after every rendezvous.
Alcohol just wanted in my pants, and I always wanted more.
So instead of letting IT make the decision, I got to do it this time!!!
“It’s not you, Alcohol, it’s MEEEE!”
I meant no disrespect, I just had to make a different choice for myself.
Because if I could drink normally, there wouldn’t be any problem at all. If I could sleep with it and NOT have my feelings hurt, everyone would have been fine. But I ain’t built like that, and I had to accept that. Because even the first time that I tried alcohol at 16, I did not have a “normal” reaction to it. I wanted more, each and every time. And no, that wasn’t a warning sign. Not for someone like me. Because I LIKED it, man. A lot. The sex was good.
I like barely-cooked chocolate chip cookies too, and I would find it next to impossible not to eat them if they were warm and gooey and sitting invitingly upon the oven top. It really is just that simple. The difference is that if I eat just one cookie, I can likely stop the obsession to eat more. With alcohol, it’s not that simple. Even if I only ingest one glass of frosty Chardonnay, I will want more….even with my wits seemingly intact. And I truly don’t think I have control over that kind of a craving, not once it is in my system.
Let me expand upon this. It WAS possible to stop myself after one glass. I did this plenty of times, but it was never easy. And quite rare, as the years went by. I found that I was trying to control the craving itself. Attempting to ignore it. And unfortunately, it was always a role of the dice. Maybe I’d want more in 30 minutes or maybe in a day.
Remember, it’s not you, alcohol. It’s me.
So this time, when I did the breaking up, I took back power and control over my actions. My choices. And I clearly defined what I would take in, in the future. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I am the master of my domain, and after drawing a physical boundary with booze, I started the more expansive effort to draw boundaries in many other ways.
I now thoroughly enjoy having my wits about me on a regular basis. Who knew??? Certainly not me. Because I’m a bit of an adventurous spirit, who enjoys being a teensy bit of a risk-taker. It’s just interesting to find that I can feel the same way in much healthier situations. Like writing and such. Again, who knew??? And similarly, I find new ways to calm the inner self. Like writing, and music, and good food, and long hugs, and listening to people. Really listening.
Sobriety is sexy. We started our relationship with mutual honesty and respect, and the relationship gets deeper and deeper as the commitment grows. I find that I've found what I was looking for all along. Gentle strokes of kindness, overwhelming passion sometimes, holding hands when life is hard. It's all part of what I get when I contribute my full self, and make sure my actions support my better self. I choose the union daily, and I work to maintain the bond that started when I came to the table with everything. I decided to be all in and asked sobriety to take me as I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I can’t imagine cheating on it, because I value what it brings just as much as I value my love for my husband. I guess you could say that we’ve got a little ménage a trois going. Me, Mike and Sobriety. And Mike loves this new bed partner!
These were the first two important realizations, and they have become philosophies that I live by. To surround yourself with trusted individuals who will speak the truth to you, and to be cognizant of the unhealthy relationships that we have with certain things and with certain people.
We teach people how to treat us, and so if we are suffering, we are the only ones who can change that relationship. For me, it doesn’t matter if it’s a bottle of Chardonnay or a negative friend. To dance with either represents the denial of my better self.
Take back your power, baby. It’s there for the taking. Ain't nobody going to do it for you.
Just YOU.
Love,
Jen
submitted by songbirdjen to stopdrinking [link] [comments]


2019.12.29 08:30 niceguyputin Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Threesomes

Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Threesomes
And now, the quest begins, to nab the Holy Grail of manhood
I'd love, to score hot twins, like any hokey porno fan would
Although, that would be swell, they just don't sell, that stuff on e-bay
And yet, still hope I'll get, to have a three-way
-“Threeway” parody of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”
So you want a threesome.1 Well, you think you do – like the song says, they are basically the Holy Grail for heterosexual men from the time we become sexually aware – but the reality may be different than you think. Or not. Oh, and the worst part about threesomes is, after the sex is over, you now have TWO girls in the room asking "So....what are you thinking about?"
Intrepid readers, please continue.
1 For purposes of this discussion, I mean the “Love Sammich” (FFM) threesomes; a “Devil’s Threeway” (MMF) is otherwise called a “train” in my world. Because really, fuck that noise. There will be cries of “No fair!” That usually comes from girls who aren’t that down, or who want to extract something. I’ve never had a girl who legit wanted a 3way demand “reciprocity”. They will almost universally specify a female partner. Also biologically, FFM couplings make more sense – they give women access to higher status men and they give higher status men more opportunity to propagate their genetic legacy.
The Typical Situation
The typical situation that arises that arises for men is, they have a girlfriend, maybe the girlfriend has hinted that she might be willing to do a Love Sammich, maybe she hasn’t. How to find out? As I often recommend, get girls talking, and you will find out all sorts of useful information.
I get girls comfortable, and I ask them about what their deepest, most secret, greasiest little fantasy is. There is the usual flowery bullshit that they put up as a smoke screen about wanting to “make love” on a beach at sunset2 or on a bed covered with rose petals, and then there are two that recur:
A. “Tie me up!”
B. “I wanna have sex with another girl!”
So here’s the thing: if your girl, at bottom, isn’t bi-curious of doesn’t want to have a threeway, then that’s how it is. Don’t nag, cajole, pester or beg. Make a decision as to whether you’re going to end the relationship or not. OTOH, if you a spinning plates, then, well, you don’t have that problem, do you?
Whether you are looking for the second girl or starting from scratch (with a willing gf) the next question that arises is, where to find the 2nd girl? Recently I was asked in askTRP where to meet bi-girls. Well, first, there isn’t typically a “bi-girl hangout joint” that you can google. OTOH, you meet bi and bi-curious women everywhere. You just have to gather information, and make the sale.
The good news: unlike men, who are basically "AC" or "DC", many/most women are at least "bi-curious".
The bad news: bi-girls tend to be flaky as fuck. As in “have the stability of the high-numbered stuff on the Periodic Table.”
2 Nobody actually wants to do this. If they do, they don’t want to do it again. Two Words: “sand” and “crevices”. You can work out the rest.
The Hierarchy
I think it’s actually better to find two girls at the same time, or approximately the same time, before the relationship (if there is or will be one) with one girl is more formalized. Why? Because once a girl is invested in you, she has something to lose. The “girlfriend” is very often going to want to impose a bunch of stupid rules – do NOT let her do this because they are often designed to fuck you over, like not letting you screw the other girl. Don’t let her ruin your fun. One way to avoid this is to put Girl2 on her back have the girlfriend lower her pussy on to the other girls mouth facing away from you, who will be mounting Girl2. Or lay on the bed, have the girlfriend in reverse cowgirl and have Girl2 sit on your face. Or have the girlfriend sit on your face, and have Girl2 blow you.
The girlfriend is pulling this “hierarchy” shit because girls are very often insecure. That’s why she wants ….
A Girl who Looks Like Me
My girlfriend's girlfriend, she looks like you
My girlfriend's girlfriend, she's my girl too
-“My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend”, Type O Negative
If you are in an established relationship with a girl who is exploring her bi-ness for the first time, don’t be surprised when she says that she wants to lose her lesbo-virginity with a girl who “looks like me”. Girls who look like her will be less threatening. You’re not going to dump her for a girl who looks like her, because you already have a girl who looks like her. On the other hand, if she’s a brunette and you partner up with a hot blonde, you (‘her’ man) may suddenly discover that you like blondes better, and dump her by the side of the road. For men, the big fear, in terms of biology, is being cucked; for women it is loss of resources, which in the Bad Old Days of the Saber Tooth Tiger, could mean death for her and her offspring.
The Mechanics
So you get them to own up to their lezzy desires, and then you get two of them together. Also, don't do anything like go on a "date" or some other dumb shit to "set the mood". They will want to do that. Do not. Get them together, have anyone who needs a shot do one, and then get busy. You’re dealing with two Hamsters. Elongating the time frame gives one or the other hamster time to hamster way and blow up your perfectly good 3way.
Get down to business, before shit slips away from you.
You Have the Right to Remain Silent
“When a girl wants to fuck you, shut up and let it happen.” - Chris Rock
So I coached a buddy of mine through his first 3-way last fall. He had a FWB relationship with a girl who was sort of into the 3way idea, but was also pitching it as “Hey, Ima do this for you, and then we’re going to be exclusive, m’kay?” covert contract. He didn’t make any promises, but went ahead anyway.
Now, said FWB had a thing about the other girl – she was a plate, and she was doing other people also – staying over, i.e. she very much did NOT want that to happen. Hierarchy and all that. Logistics dictated otherwise. He asks me if he should tell the first girl that that 2nd girl is likely going to stay over. Me: “Only do that if you have decided that you definitely DO NOT WANT the 3way to happen.” So a good time was had by all, but guess who left in a huff after when it was discovered that Girl2 was sleeping over? Exactly. Tell her that before? No 3way. Why that mattered, I don’t know, but it did. Girls are retarded. He texted me after:
Him: “You were right about everything.”
Me: “That happens a lot. Like all the time. It can be a curse, really.”
Your Job is to Have a Cock
For a lot of bi-curious women, they want the comfort of a man's cock in the room so they didn't have to think, "But…but…but what if I'm a Giant Lesbo?!" Once things get rockin’, she may forget about that bit and be more into the other chick. Don’t worry about it. Encourage her, and then reap the rewards of being a chill guy later.
You Are the Director of Your Own ‘Porn Film’
In our meat triangle, all tangled. Wow.
-“My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend”, Type O Negative
So very often what happens with first timers is, the girlfriend turns out to be way into it and the guy starts feeling left out. So put yourself back in the game. Direct traffic, decide who is doing what to whom and when. And after they’ve had a shot at each other, get your double-team blowjob (see below). Never assume that the girls are going to know what you want. You’re the leader of the pack, so lead them.
Fun Stuff
So the point of having a 3way is to do stuff that you can’t do with just one woman.
You know what’s better than getting a blowjob from one woman? Getting a blowjob from two women.
Have one work your dick while the other one gargles your nutsack or rims you. Just trusting me on the rimming part.
You are The Sherriff
As I have alluded to before, I like tying girls up. Always have, always will. I have also known from my childhood that I am crazy strong and I can hurt people even when I don’t mean to. Lots of people turn into sadistic motherfuckers when they have control over another person – google the “Stanford Prison Experiment”. There is (supposedly) a lot of violence in lesbian relationships and you have to be careful to not let shit get out of hand if you are using BDSM in your threeway, which is a distinct possibility because some girls will want to be tied up so they can hamster away the part where they are lezzing out isn’t “their fault”.
If you are using BDSM, the same rules apply as always: you have to understand the sub’s limits and you can’t let the other girl beat the shit out of the sub, or at least exceed the sub’s limits. One way to handle this is to tell the girl who isn’t going to be tied up that you are going to tie her up later and give the sub a crack at her. That often keeps girls in the right frame of mind.
The “Household of Three”
Throw away your dad’s morality, your mom’s conventionality it’s not for me
If it were me and you and you and her and her and me, we’d be so happy together
-You & Me & Her, -Itis
That’s what ménage à trois actually means: Household of Three. While we typically think of them as one-offs, you may find that you like the lifestyle, which is fine as long as everyone is on board. Previously, I was in a couple of separate relationships that were "households of three" as it were. In the first case, an ex-gf circled back around because she really wanted to have sex with her roommate - I could hardly blame her; the girl was hot. The ex also knew that the roommate was not going to be DTF unless there was a cock in the room. To the ex, I was a "known quantity" (i.e., if she fucks me again, she's still at "N+0") and she knew I'd be able to close the deal, which I was. So she basically set me up with the roommate, knowing full well that (a) I would seduce her, and (b) I would happily share, and once the girl got comfortable, she'd open up a bit. Anyway, that lasted about a year and a half and was Big Fun all the way around.
In the other case, I was meeting a girl I was dating at a club and I ran into her "genetic twin" – they could have been sisters. So, knowing the girl I was dating would be DTF her, I established that Girl2 was down, and then the first girl showed up and soon enough we were in a relationship together. The two girls wound up becoming roommates later on, which made it convenient for me – I would refer to our sessions as “roommating”. While I don’t make a habit of it, I do throw in the occasional “dad” joke.
So you do have to be able to manage jealousy issues, both inside and outside of the relationship. Especially at the beginning they will be conscious of being treated "equally" or sometimes the girl who you knew first wants some advantage, but you have to squelch that nonsense early on.
Anyway, time moves on, and things change. The roommate from the first story got married and has a kid, now. She seems happy, so good for her. The ex from that tale sort of went off the deep end. She posed in Playboy (so I can cross that off my bucket list) and moved to Europe where she's presently being used as a cum dumpster by her "sponsor' and has a well-developed drug habit.
Of the two girls in the other threesome, one became a chef, and the other one (that was the one I mistook for the first one) is a teacher now. She is still useful as a 'corner square' in 'girl-girl-Vasya' tic-tac-toe. It’s useful to have a deep bench.
Of my two LTRs, the first is more “NO WAY!” than “3Way!” which is fine; that’s her nature and her choice. OLTR2 has recently expressed an interest and, luckily, I know some bi-girls who would LOVE a crack at her – all of which will be carefully stage-managed by me, if and when it happens – this stuff is tricky, after all.
Managing Relationships Between the Girls
She could help you cook & clean and she'd know just what you mean, (someone who listens)”
And as I snore away the night, she could always hold you tight, (it's what we're missin')
-You & Me & Her, -Itis
The Ex and Roommate negotiated a rather complex treaty about managing things when I wasn't around (they were both young (early 20s) and had things like "parents", so there was some discussion about whose 'boyfriend' I was going to be at whose house, etc., if and when it came up.) It was kind of funny, because I pointed out to my ex, that, when I wasn't around, she "was the boyfriend" - the other girl was a bit more of a girly-girl than she was.
The teacher and the chef were more independent – no pesky family nearby. The chef was more of the “boyfriend” in that situation, but it was less pronounced.
I also have a bit of an odd situation going on with a couple of plates – one is a dancer who is only down for threeways…BUT, she’s in love with one of my plates. The plate is in love with me. The dancer is terrified that I will “take [my plate] away” from her.” It creates an interesting power dynamic, but luckily for all concerned I’m a benevolent dictator. As time goes on, the dancer will either acclimate and accept things as they are, or she will not.
Relationships With The Outside World
Her and me and her and she and me
An uncrowded couple; are we three
Hey we don't care what people say
When walking hand in hand down Kings Highway
Two for one today
-“My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend”, Type O Negative
This can be complicated. You run into problems with judgy bluepills, especially “ladies of a certain age” spinsters who feel “entitled”, and Bitter, Butthurt BetasTM who are miffed at the perceived misallocation of pussy-related resources. I prefer to opt for an “unapologetic” stance. “Which one are you with?” – “Both of them” – “But there are two girls” – “Yes, I know. It’s nice.”
There will be the occasional double-takes, although I find that when I’m in Continental Europe it’s less of a big deal. Once I have arranged a hotel suite for me and one of the pairs at a place where I sometimes stay on business in Europe. So in making the reservation by phone - I had to in order to get a suite (required because 3 people) - the (American) CSR couldn't get past that I had 3 people, but wanted a king bed and kept turning down her suggestion of a cot for the room. So finally, I was like "Look. I have a 'Vicky-Cristina-Barcelona' thing going on. One king bed. No cot." When I showed up at the hotel, the Europeans understood right away. Very amusing.
Similarly, I was checking in to a hotel on the Côte d'Azur – the school teacher speaks fluent French – so I’m being checked-in – it was in a separate, seating area with the GM handling it – and the two girls excused themselves to the Ladies. The GM looked after them as they left, turned back to me, said, “I offer you my congratulations” and then went right back to business without missing a beat.
Final Points
-Bi-girls can be fun, but they are typically flaky.
-You will get push back from “normies”. Fuck that shit, live how you want.
-If you engage in longer-term relationships, be ready to manage both women, as well as handle any outside interference and bullshit.
-Threesome ‘relationships’ tend to be transient in nature – of course so do most of your friendships and romantic relationships – so relax and enjoy them in the moment.
submitted by niceguyputin to u/niceguyputin [link] [comments]


2019.12.16 22:14 Yogagrl8 [SELL][USA] UPDATED LIST 12/16--BPAL, ARCANA, DEMETER, FYRINNAE, ALKEMIA ETC..BNNU MAKEUP PALETTES

Hi fellow indie addicts ❣️ thanks for looking. All pricing are Negotiable!!! **Minimum purchase is $10.00. US shipping is $5.00!!*\*
Spend more than $50 and receive free shipping and plenty of additional goodies!! :)
**ALL ITEMS CLEANLY TESTED W/TOOTHPICKS** and my perfume box guarded by dangerous but cool cats named Marley & Mason in a non-smoking home. 🙂I use Paypal CS so transactions are secure.
ISO scents/notes: Gourmand, tobacco, Musk, aquatic (Kraken), Vanillas, Cake (Yellow Cake), Chocolate. :)
Full 5 ml Bottles for sale, unless noted:
**ALKEMIA*\*
SOLD--*Carmen 7--5 ml--a smidge less than 1/2 bottle left--$5.50-- An indecent proposal of succulently spiced pear, exotic lychees, decadent french pralines, bourbon vanilla, and crushed almond blossoms leads to a ménage à trois of gardenia, star jasmine, and magnolia illuminated by the afterglow of a sensuously musky amber.
**ARCANA:*\*
SOLD--*Thinly Veiled Innuendos about Bananas--$14.00-- Top of label---A potent, virile blend of West Indies bay leaf, Venezuelan coffee oil, blond tabac absolute, bananas, rich oudh, dark rum, and pearl musk.
SWAPPED--*Puck--Full 1/3 dram--$8.00-- An impish, confounding blend of cotton candy, green fig, coconut milk, cannabis bud, mugwort, Indian sandalwood, Omani frankincense, brown sugar and a sprinkle of fairy dust.
****BPAL: FS BOTTLES****
***New--**MME Moriarty (2019)**--5 ml, top of label--**$24**--*Red musk, vanilla bean, pomegranate, black currant, patchouli leaf and wild plum.*
SOLD***New--Devilish Night in the Pumpkin Patch*\----5 ml, top of label--\*$24**--*A flaming pile of pumpkin guts, b**ze, and sweaty dark musk.*
***New--Hebrews 13:1-3**--5 ml full to top of label--**$24**---Sugar blossom, cinnamon bark, and toba**o absolute.
***Pomegranate III** (2010)--**5 ml** **Full to top. $17.00--** Pomegranate, Tamil Nadu sandalwood, lavender, tamarind, hazelnut, Atlas cedarwood, sugar date, bitter clove, and Arabian myrrh.
***Mitzvah Goreret Mitzvah**—**5 ml** **Full to top. $17.00--****full--Kindness begets kindness. Holy hyssop, red apple, massoia bark, and pomegranate with eight different types of honey that represent the sweetness of life and new beginnings.
****CROWN PERFUME OILS: 10ML rollerballs--FULL TO TOP $8.00****
***Rasha**--Jasmine, Rose, Saffron, Amber and Oud.
***Golden Sand**--Vanilla, Oud, Amber, Caramel and floral notes. (very much a skin scent).
****Deconstructing Eden****
**New*****Big Bad Wolf\\--15 ml bottle--approx 10 ml left--**$16.00**-- smoky black leather, clean skin musk and the barest touch of toba**o leaf).
****DEMETER****
***Patchouli**--New 5 ml rollerball-- This is not your Grandma's Patchouli. The result is an intoxicating, smooth, full, rich and slightly spicy scent.
***Honey**-- 5 ml spray. (below top of label) --$**9.50**--The flavor and scent of honey is destroyed by heating. So, eat it straight from the Jar. Or hive of you're lucky enough. Or just get our Honey and breathe in.
***Bamboo**--5 ml spray. (below top of label) --$9.50-- From the new, smaller shoots of the bamboo plant, very green with a light, fruity tone, that the delicate green scent of Demeter's Bamboo cologne is derived.
***Dark Chocolate**--5 ml spray. (below top of label--missing sprayer but it still comes out easily) --$**8.50**-- is a silky smooth, absolutely sensual and indulgent chocolate fragrance.
***Morocco**----Almost full 1.0 fl oz---**$10.00**--Only used twice--Experience freshly ground Moroccan spices in a 1000-year-old open-air market.
***New Car**----Almost full 1.0 fl oz---**$10.00--**Used 3 times. The unusual combination of new plastics, vinyl and fabrics to create a light and wearable fragrance experience, reminiscent of the first time you sat in that new car you love so much.
***Whi**ey Toba**o\\--full 1/2 fl oz--**$5.50**--used twice-- Blend of Whi**ey Toba**o.

****Fyrinnae****
SOLD--***Smugglers Tea**--1.35 ml rollerball dram--**$3.50--** Black tea leaves, a slight air of smoky green tea leaves, hints of toba**o, and local wood from the packing crates.
***Ragdoll**--**--10 ml full to top--$16.00-**-A blend of three sugars and cream, livened up with a few drops of honey and bo*rbon vanilla (all vegan of course).
***Marshmallowoud--10 ml full to top--$16.00--**Singed marshmallows on a base primarily of oud, amber, and sandalwood. A rich but bright fragrance.

****Love Potion Perfumery**:**
***Figgy**--5 ml full to top--**$13.00**--A quartet of sweet and earthy fig notes slathered with pink-and-brown sugar buttercream frosting. blended with a cupcake base fit for a Fae of our creamiest buttery vanilla oils.
Take all imps below for $90.00!!
****Al Muhib Perfumery: ¼ ml left $1.50****
***Anbar**-- Pure amberg*is to the max!!!

****All BPAL imps below are full and $3.75 each unless otherwise noted!!***\*
**NEW-- Ave Maria Gratia Plena--** *Rosewood with Sicilian lemon peel, red Mysore sandalwood, pale musks, sweet mountain sage and a dusting of lily, night-blooming jasmine and orris.*
**NEW--Cairo-**-*The essence of holy Kyphi, beloved incense of the Egyptian Gods.*
**NEW--Depraved**--*A salacious, lecherous, leering scent - dirty and dark, slapped with a wet sweetness. Earthy black patchouli swelling with apricot.*
**NEW--Burial--** *The Dark Side of Earth: deep, brooding forest scents, including juniper and patchouli. The scent of upturned cemetery loam mingling with floral offerings to the dead.*
**NEW--Bastet--** *Luxuriant amber, warm Egyptian musk, fierce saffron and soft myrrh, almond, cardamom and golden lotus.*
**NEW--Bl**d Rose--** Sensual, robust, and silken: voluptuous red *rose* bursting with lascivious red w*ne and sultry dragons *bl**d* resin.
**NEW-**-**Kathmandu **(**2 avail**)--- *The scent of sacred incense swirling up the steep slopes to Swayambhunath Stupa. Saffron, blessed sandalwood, Himalayan cedar and the miraculous lotus of the Buddha with chiuri bark and Nepalese spices.*
**NEW-**-**Bl**d Amber**--*Bewitching Brews: Slivers of warm, pulsating bl**d forever crystallized in golden amber resin.*
**NEW-**-**Black Forest--** *Thick, viscous pine with ambergris, black musk, juniper and cypress.*
**NEW--Maenad-**-***Orgiastic mayhem in the extreme: sweet strawberry and orange blossom distorted by carnation, black poppy and hibiscus.*
**NEW--Desire--** *The overwhelming agony of passion crystallized into a singularly dark and magnetic blend: bittersweet neroli, black patchouli and black musk, gilded by apple, bergamot, bl**d-red rose, teak, and vanilla.*
**NEW--The Great Sword of War**--***Mandarin, tonka, saffron, black tea, cocoa, tob*cco leaf, sanguine red musk and five classical herbs of conflict.*
**NEW--Haunted--** A mournful, poignant *scent*, thick with foreboding. Soft golden amber darkened with a touch of murky black musk.
**NEW--Mary Read--** Salt air, ocean mist, aged patchouli, sarsaparilla, watered-down rum, leather-tinged musk, and a spray of g*npowder.
SOLD--**NEW--Miskatonic University--** Pumpkin spiced Irish coffee, dusty tomes, merrily flickering jack o' lanterns, and polished oakwood.
**NEW--Aizen-Myoo--** Yuzu, kaki, and mikan with cherry blossom and black tea.*
**NEW--Half-Elf**--***White sandalwood, beeswax, white tea leaf, oud, and a hint of sophisticated urban musk.*
**NEW--Belladonna--** *This scent is a tribute to such a dark and magnificent plant: a rich green and floral blend, earthy and haunting.*
**NEW--Roses, Pearls & Diamonds--*****Red roses, dazzling crystalline musks, and pearlescent coconut-tinged orris.*
**NEW--Veritas--*****The essence of honesty, integrity, and veracity: frankincense, white carnation, angelica, chamomile, and heliotrope.*
**NEW--The Crescent Moon**--***Gleaming amber and copal with white sage and sheer juniper.*
***Wanda**-- a deep red Mer*ot with a faint hint of leather, se*ual musk and body heat over crushed roses, violets and myrtle.
***Ameles Potamos**-- bittersweet black water-swollen with forgotten tears.
***Les Se*pent Qui Danse**-- A sinister, darkly seductive scent inspired by the poetry of Charles Baudelaire. Violet entwined with vanilla and gardenia.
***The Hare**—(label slightly smudged) Warm fur and mandrake root, blue sage and tall grasses, honeysuckle-tinged moonlight, carrot seed, comfrey, and dandelion.
***Bl**d-**- Essence of dragon's *bl**d* resin, thickened with myrrh and cherry, with a trickle of clove.
***Bl**d Kiss**-- Lush, creamy vanilla and the honey of the sweetest kiss smeared with the vital throb of husky clove, swollen red cherries, but darkened with the vampiric sensuality of vetiver, soporific poppy and bl**d-red w*ne, and a skin-light pulse of feral musk.
***Shango**--The Master of Lightning’s ofrenda contains red apples, banana, chili pepper, coconut, pineapple, pomegranate and sugar cane.
SOLD--***Amsterdam**-- Tulips, peony, fresh flowing water and crisp green grasses.
***Huesos De Santo**(2010)—(Label slightly smudged) Orange-glazed cake, dotted with anise seed, and filled with custard, set beside a bouquet of celebratory funeral flowers.
***Prague**—(Label smudged)-- Crocus with snowdrop and three lilies.
***Dragon’s Musk**-- Dominant, passionate, devastating. Notes: Dragon’s bl**d and five deep musks.
***Mad Hatter**-- A gentlemen's lavender-citron cologne unhinged by the feral pungency of black musk and a paroxysm of pennyroyal.
SOLD--****Blueberry Picking**—(95% full—has handwritten label)--Sun-warmed, slightly squishy blueberries plus overgrown grass, overgrown honeysuckle, overgrown lavender, overgrown lemon verbena, and a smattering of un-pulled weeds.
***The Goat and The Vine**-- Golden apples, cedar and redwood trellises heavy with grapevine, beeswax, hemp, vanilla benzoin, and bois de rose.
***Whip**--Agony and ecstasy! Notes: black leather and damp red rose.

****ALL POSSET IMPS ARE $3.25***\*
***Cri de Coeur** (2 avail)-- This fragrance is a real stunner, a true Posset with large lashings of Vanilla, nougat, coconut, sweet musk, tob**co flower, swirling cotton, a drop of nag champa, chypre, black musk and sugar cane. There is the essence of a very good dragon's bl**d in it, a small amount of lime, and lime blossom.
***Maryland-Wurter**--Smell of the Chesapeake deeply aquatic with large lashings of ozone. The name "Wurter" is the way the water men of the Bay say "water".
****Love Potion Perfumery Imps $1.50****
***Blud with Pheromones-**- 1/4 left of 1 ml--$1.50--Multiple types of Dragon’s Blud blended with oud, wormwood, labdanum and various amber attars and EOs provide a shroud for a decaying apple, with further frightful accents of majmua, benzoin and storax.
***Columbia**-- 1/4 left of 1 ml--$1.50--Every heart beats true for our shiny RED apple, sheer WHITE amber and BLUE cotton candy combination, with an additional dollop of luscious butterscotch.
****ALL Solstice Scents IMPS ARE $3.25****
***Maine Moon**-- features ozonic notes, woody notes, smoke, popocorn, chocolate and caramel.
**SOLD**--***MINISTER**-- Sandalwood, Amber, Cassia, Elemi, Sweet Smoke & Somalian Frankincense
***Corvins Apple Fest**-- Cider, Vanilla, Apple Pie, Apple Cream Cheese Danish.
***Thornwood Thicket**-- opens with a blend of amber, oud and juicy blackberries. amber and oud are the dominant notes in this blend, though blackberry is definitely detectable on the initial application and dry down.
**SOLD**--***Devil’s Tongue**-- A chypre base (oakmoss absolute, labdanum absolute and bergamot essential oil) supports loads of warm, earthy aged patchouli, brown leather, fine to*acco, a touch of oud and sandalwood and faint traces of frankincense, black tea and vanilla.
****OTHER BRANDS (mainstream):\\**
***Miss Dior Cherie'**--Approx 2 ml left from 5 ml original bottle--**$10.00**-- A dazzling burst of Orange Essence blends with Neroli and Rose Essence for a floral bouquet with Indonesian Patchouli evoking a springtime garden in full bloom.
SOLD--***Marc Jacobs**--Approx 5 ml original bottle, Full to top--**$13.00**--Notes: Gardenia, Bergamot, Aqua Mist, Violet Gardenia, Jasmine, White Pepper, Honeysuckle, Blonde Woods, Musk
***Jennifer Aniston**-- 10 mL Eau de Parfum rollerball, Full--**$14.00**--Citrus grove accord, rose water, blooming jasmine, wild violet, amazon lily, sensual musk, golden amber and sandalwood.
***Juicy Couture Viva la Juicy** --5 ml full rollerball-- ****$12.00**--**Notes: Wild berries, juicy mandarin, Honeysuckle, gardenia, and jasmine, Amber, caramel, vanilla, sandalwood, and praline
***Juicy Couture Viva la Fleur**--5 ml full rollerball--**$13.00--**Wild Berries, Mandarin, Water Lily
***Juicy Couture Viva la Juicy**--5 ml full--**$13.00-** Jasmine, Vanilla, Caramel, and Sandlewood.
****MAKEUP-BRAND NEW NEVER USED****
****LA COLORS LARGE EYESHADOW PALETTES** EACH $6.50 TAKE ALL 3 FOR $19.50**!!
ALL have 10 shadows in the palette. These palettes have everything you need in one package, with a wide range of finishes including matte, satin, and shimmer. Soft, velvety shadows blend easily and lasts all day. The case includes mirror, brush, and dual-ended sponge tip applicator.
*Flirty
*Fancy
*Frisky
****LA COLORS SMALL PALETTES**:**
*Day to Night Daylight--$2.00
**SOLD**--*Day to Night Dawn Sunset--$2.00
**SOLD**--*Day to Night Dawn Dawn--$2.00
*Day to Night Dawn Daybreak--$2.00
submitted by Yogagrl8 to IndieExchange [link] [comments]


2019.12.08 05:14 Yogagrl8 [US][SELL] NEW ITEMS ADDED 12/7--Alkemia, Arcana, BPAL, Decont. Eden, Fyrinnae Etc...and BNNU eyeshadow palettes

Hi fellow indie addicts ❣️ thanks for looking. All pricing are Negotiable!!! **Minimum purchase is $10.00. US shipping is $4.00!!*\*
Spend more than $50 and receive free shipping and plenty of additional goodies!! :)
**ALL ITEMS CLEANLY TESTED W/TOOTHPICKS** and my perfume box guarded by dangerous but cool cats named Marley & Mason in a non-smoking home. 🙂I use Paypal CS so transactions are secure.
ISO scents/notes: Gourmand, tobacco, Musk, aquatic (Kraken), Vanillas, Cake (Yellow Cake), Chocolate. :)

Full 5 ml Bottles for sale, unless noted:

**ALKEMIA*\*
*Carmen 7--5 ml--a smidge less than 1/2 bottle left--$5.50-- An indecent proposal of succulently spiced pear, exotic lychees, decadent french pralines, bourbon vanilla, and crushed almond blossoms leads to a ménage à trois of gardenia, star jasmine, and magnolia illuminated by the afterglow of a sensuously musky amber.

**ARCANA:*\*
*Thinly Veiled Innuendos about Bananas--$14.00-- Top of label---A potent, virile blend of West Indies bay leaf, Venezuelan coffee oil, blond tabac absolute, bananas, rich oudh, dark rum, and pearl musk.
New--*Puck--Full 1/3 dram--$10.00-- An impish, confounding blend of cotton candy, green fig, coconut milk, cannabis bud, mugwort, Indian sandalwood, Omani frankincense, brown sugar and a sprinkle of fairy dust.
**New--Witches Wear Silky Drawers--**Full 1/3 dram--**$6.00--**A heart of strawberry cheesecake and sugar-dipped ylang ylang is enfolded into dark vanilla silk, rose jam, French geranium, and black wool softly infused with incense and smoldering resins.

**BPAL: FS BOTTLES*\*
*New--MME Moriarty (2019)--5 ml, top of label--$24--Red musk, vanilla bean, pomegranate, black currant, patchouli leaf and wild plum.
SOLD—*New--Devilish Night in the Pumpkin Patch----5 ml, top of label--$24--A flaming pile of pumpkin guts, booze, and sweaty dark musk.
*New--Hebrews 13:1-3--5 ml full to top of label--$24---Sugar blossom, cinnamon bark, and tobacco absolute.
*Pomegranate III (2010)--5 ml Full to top. $17.00-- Pomegranate, Tamil Nadu sandalwood, lavender, tamarind, hazelnut, Atlas cedarwood, sugar date, bitter clove, and Arabian myrrh.
*Mitzvah Goreret Mitzvah5 ml Full to top. $17.00--**full--Kindness begets kindness. Holy hyssop, red apple, massoia bark, and pomegranate with eight different types of honey that represent the sweetness of life and new beginnings.

**CROWN PERFUME OILS: 10ML rollerballs--FULL TO TOP $8.00*\*
*Rasha--Jasmine, Rose, Saffron, Amber and Oud.
*Golden Sand--Vanilla, Oud, Amber, Caramel and floral notes. (very much a skin scent).

**Deconstructing Eden*\*
New*Big Bad Wolf--15 ml bottle--approx 10 ml left--$16.00-- smoky black leather, clean skin musk and the barest touch of tobacco leaf) .

**DEMETER*\*
*Patchouli--New 5 ml rollerball-- This is not your Grandma's Patchouli. The result is an intoxicating, smooth, full, rich and slightly spicy scent.
*Honey-- 5 ml spray. (below top of label) --$9.50--The flavor and scent of honey is destroyed by heating. So, eat it straight from the Jar. Or hive of you're lucky enough. Or just get our Honey and breathe in.
*Bamboo--5 ml spray. (below top of label) --$9.50-- From the new, smaller shoots of the bamboo plant, very green with a light, fruity tone, that the delicate green scent of Demeter's Bamboo cologne is derived.
*Dark Chocolate--5 ml spray. (below top of label--missing sprayer but it still comes out easily) --$8.50-- is a silky smooth, absolutely sensual and indulgent chocolate fragrance.
*Morocco----Almost full 1.0 fl oz---$10.00--Only used twice--Experience freshly ground Moroccan spices in a 1000-year-old open air market.
*New Car----Almost full 1.0 fl oz---**$10.00--**Used 3 times. The unusual combination of new plastics, vinyl and fabrics to create a light and wearable fragrance experience, reminiscent of the first time you sat in that new car you love so much.
*Whi**ey Toba**o--full 1/2 fl oz--$5.50--used twice-- Blend of Whi**ey Toba**o.

**Fyrinnae*\*
*Smugglers Tea--1.35 ml rollerball dram--$3.50-- Black tea leaves, a slight air of smoky green tea leaves, hints of tobacco, and local wood from the packing crates.
*Ragdoll----10 ml full to top--$16.00--A blend of three sugars and cream, livened up with a few drops of honey and bourbon vanilla (all vegan of course).
*Marshmallowoud--10 ml full to top--$16.00--**Singed marshmallows on a base primarily of oud, amber, and sandalwood. A rich but bright fragrance.

**Love Potion Perfumery**:
*Figgy--5 ml full to top--$13.00--A quartet of sweet and earthy fig notes slathered with pink-and-brown sugar buttercream frosting. blended with a cupcake base fit for a Fae of our creamiest buttery vanilla oils.

Take all imps below for $90.00!!


**Al Muhib Perfumery: ¼ ml left $1.50**
*Anbar-- Pure amberg*is to the max!!!

**All BPAL imps below are full and $4.00 each unless otherwise noted!!*\*
NEW-- Ave Maria Gratia Plena-- A pale, delicate, truly angelic blend. A scent created to emulate Adonis' halo of beauty: fragile, distant, and radiant. Rosewood with Sicilian lemon peel, red Mysore sandalwood, pale musks, sweet mountain sage and a dusting of lily, night-blooming jasmine and orris.
NEW--Cairo--The essence of holy Kyphi, beloved incense of the Egyptian Gods.
NEW--Depraved--A salacious, lecherous, leering scent - dirty and dark, slapped with a wet sweetness. Earthy black patchouli swelling with apricot.
NEW--Burial-- The Dark Side of Earth: deep, brooding forest scents, including juniper and patchouli. The scent of upturned cemetery loam mingling with floral offerings to the dead.
NEW--Bastet-- Luxuriant amber, warm Egyptian musk, fierce saffron and soft myrrh, almond, cardamom and golden lotus.
NEW--Blood Rose-- Sensual, robust, and silken: voluptuous red rose bursting with lascivious red wine and sultry dragons blood resin.
NEW--Kathmandu (2 avail)--- The scent of sacred incense swirling up the steep slopes to Swayambhunath Stupa. Saffron, blessed sandalwood, Himalayan cedar and the miraculous lotus of the Buddha with chiuri bark and Nepalese spices.
NEW--Blood Amber--Bewitching Brews: Slivers of warm, pulsating blood forever crystallized in golden amber resin.
NEW--Black Forest-- This is the captured scent of a cold, moonless night, lost deep within the darkest wood. Haunting and desolate, this scent evokes images of fairy tale tragedy and half-remembered nightmares. Thick, viscous pine with ambergris, black musk, juniper and cypress.
NEW--Maenad--**Orgiastic mayhem in the extreme: sweet strawberry and orange blossom distorted by carnation, black poppy and hibiscus.
NEW--Desire-- The overwhelming agony of passion crystallized into a singularly dark and magnetic blend: bittersweet neroli, black patchouli and black musk, gilded by apple, bergamot, blood red rose, teak, and vanilla.
NEW--The Great Sword of War--**Mandarin, tonka, saffron, black tea, cocoa, tobacco leaf, sanguine red musk and five classical herbs of conflict.
NEW--Haunted-- A mournful, poignant scent, thick with foreboding. Soft golden amber darkened with a touch of murky black musk.
NEW--Mary Read-- Salt air, ocean mist, aged patchouli, sarsaparilla, watered-down rum, leather-tinged musk, and a spray of gunpowder.
NEW--Miskatonic University-- Pumpkin spiced Irish coffee, dusty tomes, merrily flickering jack o' lanterns, and polished oakwood.
NEW--Aizen-Myoo-- Aizen-Myoo is the patron of prostitutes, of joyous, unbridled sexuality and of all forms of erotic love and is worshipped by all those in the sex industry, musicians, and - oddly - landlords. Yuzu, kaki, and mikan with cherry blossom and black tea.
NEW--Half-Elf--**White sandalwood, beeswax, white tea leaf, oud, and a hint of sophisticated urban musk.
NEW--Belladonna-- This scent is a tribute to such a dark and magnificent plant: a rich green and floral blend, earthy and haunting.
NEW--Roses, Pearls & Diamonds--**Red roses, dazzling crystalline musks, and pearlescent coconut-tinged orris.
NEW--Veritas--**The essence of honesty, integrity, and veracity: frankincense, white carnation, angelica, chamomile, and heliotrope.
NEW--The Crescent Moon--**Gleaming amber and copal with white sage and sheer juniper.
*Wanda-- a deep red Mer*ot with a faint hint of leather, sexual musk and body heat over crushed roses, violets and myrtle.
*Ameles Potamos-- bittersweet black water-swollen with forgotten tears.
*Les Se*pent Qui Danse-- A sinister, darkly seductive scent inspired by the poetry of Charles Baudelaire. Violet entwined with vanilla and gardenia.
*The Hare—(label slightly smudged) Warm fur and mandrake root, blue sage and tall grasses, honeysuckle-tinged moonlight, carrot seed, comfrey, and dandelion.
*Blood-- Essence of dragon's blood resin, thickened with myrrh and cherry, with a trickle of clove.
*Blood Kiss-- Lush, creamy vanilla and the honey of the sweetest kiss smeared with the vital throb of husky clove, swollen red cherries, but darkened with the vampiric sensuality of vetiver, soporific poppy and blood red wine, and a skin-light pulse of feral musk.
*Shango--The Master of Lightning’s ofrenda contains red apples, banana, chili pepper, coconut, pineapple, pomegranate and sugar cane.
*Amsterdam-- Tulips, peony, fresh flowing water and crisp green grasses.
*Huesos De Santo(2010)—(Label slightly smudged) Orange-glazed cake, dotted with anise seed, and filled with custard, set beside a bouquet of celebratory funeral flowers.
*Prague—(Label smudged)-- Crocus with snowdrop and three lilies.
*Dragon’s Musk-- Dominant, passionate, devastating. Notes: Dragon’s blood and five deep musks.
*Mad Hatter-- A gentlemen's lavender-citron cologne unhinged by the feral pungency of black musk and a paroxysm of pennyroyal.
**Blueberry Picking—(95% full—has handwritten label) $3.75--Sun-warmed, slightly squishy blueberries plus overgrown grass, overgrown honeysuckle, overgrown lavender, overgrown lemon verbena, and a smattering of un-pulled weeds.
*The Goat and The Vine-- Golden apples, cedar and redwood trellises heavy with grapevine, beeswax, hemp, vanilla benzoin, and bois de rose.
*Whip--Agony and ecstasy! Notes: black leather and damp red rose.

**Deep Midnight imp is $3.00\\
* Professor M-- Rich Leather, Pipe Tobacco, Musk, Bay Rum.

**ALL POSSET IMPS ARE $3.25**
*Cri de Coeur (2 avail)-- This fragrance is a real stunner, a true Posset with large lashings of Vanilla, nougat, coconut, sweet musk, tobacco flower, swirling cotton, a drop of nag champa, chypre, black musk and sugar cane. There is the essence of a very good dragon's blood in it, a small amount of lime, and lime blossom.
*Alabama-- pink fizzy mimosa, thick white magnolia, canebrake jasmine, Mexican tuberose and Martinique gardenia. the effect is eternally woman, unabashedly sexy, and in command. These are all knit together with precious Sacred Frankincense to concoct a bombshell of a fragrance, deep white floral with deep incense leanings.
*Maryland-Wurter--Smell of the Chesapeake deeply aquatic with large lashings of ozone. The name "Wurter" is the way the watermen of the Bay say "water".

**Love Potion Perfumery Imps $1.50*\*
*Blud with Pheromones-- 1/4 left of 1 ml--$1.50--Multiple types of Dragon’s Blud blended with oud, wormwood, labdanum and various amber attars and EOs provide a shroud for a decaying apple, with further frightful accents of majmua, benzoin and storax.
*Columbia-- 1/4 left of 1 ml--$1.50--Every heart beats true for our shiny RED apple, sheer WHITE amber and BLUE cotton candy combination, with an additional dollop of luscious butterscotch.

**ALL Solstice Scents IMPS ARE $3.25**
*Maine Moon-- features ozonic notes, woody notes, smoke, popocorn, chocolate and caramel.
SOLD--*MINISTER-- Sandalwood, Amber, Cassia, Elemi, Sweet Smoke & Somalian Frankincense
*Corvins Apple Fest-- Cider, Vanilla, Apple Pie, Apple Cream Cheese Danish.
*Thornwood Thicket-- opens with a blend of amber, oud and juicy blackberries. amber and oud are the dominant notes in this blend, though blackberry is definitely detectable on the initial application and dry down.
SOLD--*Devil’s Tongue-- A chypre base (oakmoss absolute, labdanum absolute and bergamot essential oil) supports loads of warm, earthy aged patchouli, brown leather, fine to*acco, a touch of oud and sandalwood and faint traces of frankincense, black tea and vanilla.

**OTHER BRANDS (mainstream):*\*
*Miss Dior Cherie'--Approx 2 ml left from 5 ml original bottle--$10.00-- A dazzling burst of Orange Essence blends with Neroli and Rose Essence for a floral bouquet with Indonesian Patchouli evoking a springtime garden in full bloom.
*Marc Jacobs--Approx 5 ml original bottle, Full to top--$13.00--Notes: Gardenia, Bergamot, Aqua Mist, Violet Gardenia, Jasmine, White Pepper, Honeysuckle, Blonde Woods, Musk
*Jennifer Aniston-- 10 mL Eau de Parfum rollerball, Full--$14.00--Citrus grove accord, rose water, blooming jasmine, wild violet, amazon lily, sensual musk, golden amber and sandalwood.
*Juicy Couture Viva la Juicy --5 ml full rollerball-- **$12.00--**Notes: Wild berries, juicy mandarin, Honeysuckle, gardenia, and jasmine, Amber, caramel, vanilla, sandalwood, and praline
*Juicy Couture Viva la Fleur--5 ml full rollerball--**$13.00--**Wild Berries, Mandarin, Water Lily
*Juicy Couture Viva la Juicy--5 ml full--$13.00- Jasmine, Vanilla, Caramel, and Sandlewood.

**MAKEUP-BRAND NEW NEVER USED*\*
**LA COLORS LARGE EYESHADOW PALETTES EACH $6.50 TAKE ALL 3 FOR $19.50**!!
ALL have 10 shadows in the palette. These palettes have everything you need in one package, with a wide range of finishes including matte, satin, and shimmer. Soft, velvety shadows blend easily and last all day. The case includes a mirror, brush, and dual-ended sponge tip applicator.
*Flirty
*Fancy
*Frisky
**LA COLORS SMALL PALETTES:**
*Day to Night Daylight--$2.00
SOLD--*Day to Night Dawn Sunset--$2.00
SOLD--*Day to Night Dawn Dawn--$2.00
*Day to Night Dawn Daybreak--$2.00
submitted by Yogagrl8 to IndieExchange [link] [comments]


2019.08.06 02:09 Rebels_Cum How can I (23M) keep a summer romance from ruining an entire relationship?

There’s quite a bit of context but I’ll try and keep it concise.
About 6 years ago I moved to where I currently live to finish out high school and start college. It turned out to be a horrible decision and led to a pretty bad depressive state for me. My 3rd year here and 1st semester of college, I happened to meet the girl I’ll be referring to in this post by ‘Z’ and she became one of the few good things that I can account for in that time.
That year we became good friends, mostly due to her radiant personality and propensity towards connecting with people. Every now and then she would invite me to hang out with her friends and if it weren’t for Z, I may have never had any social outings at all. It never crossed into the realm of romance, but there was certainly some tension that I dismissed as imaginary on my part.
After my first year of college, I was visiting my home state and decided that I just couldn’t go back., leading me to suddenly and unexpectedly move back. This led to Z eventually asking about me, but I assured her I was fine. Over the following 4 years Z and I stayed in touch and made sure to say hello occasionally as well as keeping each other updated on life as a whole. I entered into my first serious relationship and she began dating a mutual friend.
Now, on year 5/6, I’m again single, moved back to the state where I met Z, and she almost immediately reached out much to my surprise. She was away at college and is moving away in the fall, so she insisted that I come visit her for one of her salsa nights that she occasionally had with her girlfriends. We planned a weekend and before you know it, I was at her dorm meeting her roommate and preparing for a night out.
Without a doubt, this was one of the greatest and most unforgettable nights of my life.
We had been drinking and dancing all night and the feeling and tension that I once was unsure about now felt undeniable. Still I didn’t want to risk it and I wasn’t sure about her relationship status so I played it safe and didn’t do anything. When we get back to the dorm, we’re all AT LEAST tipsy and Z’s roommate is ready to sleep but her other friend want to keep drinking and invites us back to her dorm. Z looks pretty done so I take this as an opportunity to try my luck with this girl, but Z then decides that she wants to join us.
Once inside, Z’s friend goes to change and while it’s just us Z leans over me, staring into my soul, and tells me that she felt weird letting me and her friend go back to the room alone. Reading the moment, we lean in for one of the most passionate, albeit drunk kisses of my life. She apologizes. I apologize. We kiss more. The night ends in a ménage a trois.
After talking about it later, this unforeseen moment turned out to be the breaking point for years of romantic and sexual tension that we both though wasn’t mutual. Although she’s still dating the mutual friend from years prior, she says their relationship is ‘open’.
This leads to almost 3 months of everyday conversations and visiting each other as much as possible. She tells her partner about us and he says it’s fine as long as there’s no sex. Turns out, she didn’t mention that we had now had sex twice and it was putting a strain on their relationship, with us only becoming more and more emotionally and romantically involved. We continued in secret and had some incredibly intimate moments, but about a week or two ago she said we shouldn’t see each other for a while.
Two days ago, she invited me over for a night of games and drinking with friends and her partner who now knows we had sex and was upset about it when he was told. It’s a bit weird at first but the night is fun and goes by fine. Her partner is the first to leave, and I try to leave with the last two friends but they manage to leave as I’m using the bathroom. The night ended with us dancing, kissing, having sex, and Z crying about going away and knowing that she was probably going to marry her partner.
The following morning Z calls and tells me that we probably shouldn’t talk for a while and that she’s rather not block my number but she will if she must. I don’t want that so I say I’ll respect her space.
Now, here I am, unsure of if she’s okay, how she’s going to handle this, what I should do, if anything, or when.
Should I risk it and reach out or let her go?
(Sorry if the post is sloppy it’s my first one and I cut out a lot)
TL;DR: I entered a summer romance with a friend and now she doesn’t want to talk to me because it makes her current situation unbearable. What do I do?
submitted by Rebels_Cum to askwomenadvice [link] [comments]


2019.05.02 08:38 Tox55 Sitrep Opération BlueToons

Opération BlueToons Une OP pas comme les autres … Le 16 Mars, peu de temps après mon retour en France, une envie d'OP me prend… Un p'tit truc tranquille, histoire de reprendre l'habitude. Installé tranquillement devant mon PC, je dessine rapidement double plan pour bag Nancy & Metz. Comme à mon habitude, je trouve que ce n'est pas assez et ajoute un bag de Dijon, Reims, Strasbourg et Troyes.
Le nom est rapidement trouvé, ce sera BlueToons. Le tg créé, les principaux intéressés sont add et comme d'habitude, on me traite de fou. Le farm des clés débute, les participants rejoignent peu à peu le TG, la date est fixée pour le 27 Avril. Quinze jours plus tard, je trouve que ce n'est encore pas assez et contact d'autres personnes pour étendre le plan. Le Luxembourg et le Nord répondent présents, le plan est définitif. Les clés commencent à transiter de tous les cotés. Le 23 Avril, surprise ! Niantic nous sort un évènement qui durera une semaine. Événement qui bien entendu consiste en partie à shit-links dans tous les sens … WTF, j'ai récupéré la poisse de @Dordone57 :-/ Bon bah on continue et on verra bien tout en se servant nous même de l'événement pour créer des guides links et faire un peu le ménage. Par la même occasion, toutes les clés sont arrivées à destination. Le 26 Avril, on étudie une dernière fois la Map pour se fixer sur le Go, NoGo. Le plan ne convient pas en l'état par manque de joueur, on modifie donc le plan pour retirer des alertes. 27 Avril, c'est le D-Day. Alors que je me rends sur ma zone, j'apprends que l'axe du bag de Nancy & Metz est bloqué par un Star-link. Fock … pouvait pas faire ça plus tard non … Bref, c'est pas grave, les plus relous sont là bas. Début des cleans, tout se passe bien sauf pour le joueur qui se rend sur la Star-link. Bah oui, l’alerte n'était pas prévu. On prend un léger retard. Dans le même temps, sur Reims, un joueur est obligé de quitter le terrain, batterie externe HS, téléphone quasi à plat. Ça va le faire ! On en arrive à la partie comique ! Moi, peinard sur mon ancre que j’imunise. Totalement déconcentré de ce qui se passe ailleurs, je redéploie le portail et, au lieu de mettre un sbul pour tirer la base de Nancy et Metz, je me plante royalement et pose 2 aegis. WTF ! J'ai récupéré la poisse de @jegg… Mais quel c** ! J'avertis rapidement l'opérateur de ma … boulette, on va avoir une heure de retard et on va louper le CP. Tant pis, je suis à portée pour tirer la base de Reims et Arras et rien n'empêche de tirer la base pour Strasbourg, on y va ! Les couches s'empilent, tout se passe bien. Dans le même temps, des Enl sont en route pour bloquer le nord de Metz et l'axe de la base. @Dordone57 me conseille de tirer au moins un link pour défendre le nord de Metz. Je refuse, les joueurs qui arrivent seraient partis sur la zone de tirs de toute façon. On abandonne le bag de Metz et Luxembourg. En parallèle, on envoie le clean et le tir de la base pour le bag de Dijon qui devait initialement être tiré après celui de Nancy. Quelques instants plus tard, le bag de Reims et Arras se terminent. Le bag de Troyes commence. Mon ancre est prête à être Jarvis, on va pouvoir envoyer le bag de Nancy. Je redéploie de nouveau le portail, pose un sbul et spam le tir de la base… La clé n'apparaît pas dans le carrousel, mon opérateur me dit que rien ne gêne. Je relance le jeu, tjr rien… je repose un sbul au cas où (ptet un bug), tjr rien. Je vais encore passer pour un c**... Je relance encore une fois le jeu et peux enfin tirer la base, retire la base pour Arras. Le bag de Nancy débute enfin et le bag de Strasbourg se fait casser sur sa zone de tirs. Pendant ce temps, coté Dijon, ça a pris du retard suite à un nouveau bloquant, il a fallu 45min à un joueur pour aller traiter l'alerte et permettre à Dijon de recevoir sa première couche. On arrive au même moment à la fin du bag de Nancy et à l'arrivée de notre cher ami Paulo qui casse le bag de Reims, Arras et stop le bag de Troyes. Quelques instants après, trois Enl de Nancy arrivent sur l'ancre dans les Vosges ayant pour conséquence de libérer la ville de son bag et de stopper net le bag de Dijon qui avait débuté il y a peu.
29 Avril, les axes du bag de Dijon sont quasiment ouvert. Très peu d’alertes, je préviens @Carcala qui est fana pour tenter une nouvelle fois le bag. On relance le TG, notre tireur est dispo, les cleaners aussi. On fixe la date pour le 01 Mai. 30 Avril, fin de l'événement de Nia et en bonus, AP x2 pour les links/fields. #PayeTaPoisse … On se met d’accord sur un Go-NoGo le lendemain à 16h00. 01 Mai, D-Day n°2. Niveau clean, on est pas mal, certains Enl nous font même du clean. On y va ! Les joueurs qui ont de la distance prennent la route, les autres ont rdv à 18h30 sur zone. À 18h40, tout le monde est prêt, top clean & links, la première couche apparaitra 2 minutes plus tard. Une heure plus tard, notre linkeur obtient sa black illu, il reste encore 5 couches à tirer et un peu de clean sur zone. Peu avant 21h00, la dernière couche est tirée et dans le même temps, un Enl arrive sur Chaumont pour casser l’ancre. Opération réussi pour nous avec une médaille qui passe de la Platine à la black, 10 couches validés sur le dernier CP du cycle.
L'OP est donc terminé, tout le monde rentre chez soi. Un grand merci à tous d'avoir répondu présent et félicitations aux nouveaux black-illus !
Participants : Bag de Arras : 14 couches à environ 795K/couche -> 11 925 000MUs - Cleaners @DrHouseRx @Pokegirl042 @Rayane59Pokemon @TortueRx @YoGoGo @bbenou @ollibreg @Caracal60 @Ghostshell77 @MarioNonStop60 @Solce62 @HydePind @al62an @Dingur @Astra6 @JamesTMS - Tireurs @Ospam (Black illu) @Gast147 @Sim996 - Opérateur @Bl0ub - Réserviste @Robiinou - Soutien moral @Kisuke4samaV2
Bag de Dijon : 2 couches à environ 320K/couche -> 640 000MUs - Cleaners @bluesiience @carcala @EDEL22 @jeanbond77 @lydiecavaou @neotabris - Tireurs : @exelangue @StroumpfMotard (Platine illu) - Opérateur @SoskaCream
Bag de Dijon [Acte 2] : 15 couches à environ 355K/couche -> 5 325 000MUs - Cleaners : @Carcala @EDEL22 @jeanbond77 @PhilHM - Tireurs : @carcala @StroumpfMotard (Black illu) @eGreeter (pour redéploiement de la base et le tir de la base) - Opérateur : @Tox55
Bag Luxembourg : -Abandonné - - Cleaners : @DoctorWho00L @Imp0ssibleGiRll @PouleFilm9 @Lorandaluz @zheld @Sevyas @aubrelia @Docomo27 - Tireurs : @LordDarkVador @LadyNeYtiri - Opérateur : anonyme
Bag de Metz : -Abandonné - - Cleaners : @Deesse @Dordone57 @inconnnu @Texasrangers54 (pré-clean) - Tireurs : @PlatschOMAT @JCDKing - Opérateur : @jegg
Bag de Nancy : 21 couches à environ 500K/couche -> 10 500 000MUs -Tireurs : @FTMxJim (Black illu) @PhilHM (Black illu) - Cleaners : @Deesse (again) @lagmarley @fsnuxer @Born78 @leptitmouton - Opérateur : @jegg - Renfort Cleaners en attente : @Inharu @Wo0odman
Bag de Reims : 10 couches à environs 370K/couche -> 3 700 000MUs. - Cleaners : @angelclos @Julo30 @Chrisalys @Pheonicys @Thony51 @Rudy45789 @Modilac @Heaven02 - Tireur : @Nounou0286 (Platine illu) - Opérateur : @MC_Denis @Tibulle (formation)
Bag de Strasbourg : 22 couches à environ 450K/couche -> 9 900 000MUs. - Cleaners : @CedBelette @PI3RR3 @PaonDuJour @kuzhine @Domdom129 @Michel2212 @eGreeter @intergalactix @Sinmatt @Waliposuccion @springer56 @Springer67 @Littlezombie67 @Zamzam58 @DeeSse (mais elle est partout !) - Opérateur : @DorylisKaena - Tireurs : @ArniBalamut (Black illu) @Sinmatt @intergalactix @Domdom1299
Bag de Troyes : 10 Couches à environ 66K/couche -> 660 000MUs - Cleaners : @Thierlouz @2022SD @Domfr @xFerSyx @Buffy1622 - Tireur : @Abifelin (Gold illu) @FragoniaSD - Opérateur : @Chanch4n
Résultats finaux : 5 Blacks illu 1 Platine illu 1 Gold illu 42 650 000MUs
PS : spéciale dédicace à @obelix57800 pour nous avoir tiré le plus beau guide link le 27/04 (tu as bien dû embêter tes camarades à la star-link) et à @JulienPoLoKinG accompagné de PeReNNisBeLLis le 01/05 pour nous avoir fait du pré-clean. PS2 : Petit correctif pour nos camarades Enl qui ont postés sur le TG Enl France Presse : votre “trou noir” a eu un impact léger sur nous puisque Nancy c'est tout de même fait bag ;-)

OsefDuCP, #BlackIllusFirst

Ingress, #IngressFranceRésistance, #BlueToons

https://www.facebook.com/100036222317714/posts/106726537211423/
submitted by Tox55 to u/Tox55 [link] [comments]


2019.04.30 01:19 tennischick93 Can someone translate the lyrics of this song from English into Italian?

"I could take the pitchfork from the Devil
Keep a super-suit like I'm Incredible
From the deep blue sea to the dark blue sky
I'm the baddest man alive
I'll grab a crocodile by its tail
Handcuff the judge and throw the cops in jail
Make the meanest woman break down and cry
I'm the baddest man alive
I'm the baddest man alive
I'll take no mess and I'll take no jive
Sometimes I feel like I can fly
I'm the baddest man alive
I'm the baddest man alive
Not bad meaning bad, but I'm bad meaning good
Say my name three times and you knock on wood
Candy man hooks, I terrorize your hood
Flashing Mac's on a cop the way a gangster should
I snatch food from the mouth of a tiger
Take a gasoline bath then I walk through fire
Bear-hug a grizzly, suck milk from her titty
Take the Sergeant's hat from his head and use it for a frisbee
Spit in the crocodile face
Have a ménage à trois with two female apes
Then sleep in a barrel of butcher knives
I drank honey straight from the beehive
Bungee jumping off the Empire State, butt naked!
Rollerblade across the Golden Gate, butt naked!
With the baddest man alive, and I don't plan to die
When the Grim Reaper come, I'll look him right in his eye
I'll bust in the face of the witch of the East
Tell a great white shark to go and brush his teeth, (ha ha ha)
I'm the man who stole the golden fleece
And I date-raped beauty right in front of the beast
The baddest man alive, and I don't plan to die
I'm the baddest man alive
I'll take no mess and I'll take no jive
Sometimes I feel like I can fly
I'm the baddest man alive
I'm the baddest man alive"
submitted by tennischick93 to italianlearning [link] [comments]


2019.03.06 02:03 tombstoneshadows28 Every horror film listed on IMDB for the calendar year 2019 (grouped by current state of completion as of time of this posting.) (Part 2 of 2)

Released (theatrically, on festival circuit, cable, streaming, PPV) thus far in 2019
  1. Demons (2019/14m/Daniel Lopez Nelson)
  2. Rehabilitation (2019 Video/Justin Knoepfel)
  3. A Momentary Lapse of Anamnesis (2019/13m/Kieran Griffiths)
  4. Curtains (2019/Brian M. Streiff)
  5. 11:11: Apa yang Kau Lihat? (2019/78 min/Andy Manoppo)
  6. The Blind Man's Visions (2019/5 min/Andrew S. Pustea)
  7. Ricky's Barn (2019/Austin Bitikofer and Jermaine Nix)
  8. Pizza Time (2019/6m/Phillip Larsen)
  9. Billie Eilish: Bury a Friend (2019 Video/4m/Michael Chaves)
  10. Dr. Ling's Torture Greenhouse (2019/Louis Timm)
  11. All the Colors of Giallo (2019/89m/Federico Caddeo)
  12. Mine Forever (2019/Ron T. Baker)
  13. Banshee (2019/9m/Nathan Adloff)
  14. Tez: 13. Gece (2019/Taylan Isiklar)
  15. Ready For My Close Up (2019/30m/Jason Read)
  16. Missed Call (2019/Thimmampalli Chandru)
  17. Prema Katha Chithram 2 (2019/Hari Krishna)
  18. You Are Dead (2019 Video/4 min/Michael Kroz)
  19. Lun-Ar Penitentiary (2019/19 min/Allison Albano Knight)
  20. Hideouser and Hideouser (2019/8m/Aria Covamonas
  21. Soul Reaper (2019/84 min /Bob Pipe)
  22. Midnight Snack (2019/J. Martin)
  23. Beneath the Trees (2019/76 min/Marco De Luca)
  24. Killer Skin (2019)
  25. Horrors of the PNW VI (2019/Michelle Nessk)
  26. Tu veux jouer à un JEU? (2019/Jérémie Bertrand)
  27. Karma Chakra (2019/B. Sudhakar Sudarshan Rao and Milind Rokade)
  28. Musabbar (2019/Engin Tutus and Erdal Tutus Sir-Ayet)
  29. Sir-Ayet (2019/Onur Aldogan)
  30. Die letzte Party (2019/4m/Wilda Wahnwitz)
  31. Counting Down the Days (2019/8m/Derek Stockton)
  32. 4th Dimension (2019/Tyler Fordham and David van den Berg)
  33. Contempt (2019/Cole Daniel Hills)
  34. Snap (2019/7 min/Ed Guida)
  35. One: Awaken (2019/10m/Justin Bloodworth)
  36. Hell (2019/5m/Sergey A.)
  37. Stay Away (2019/8m/Xiao Tang)
  38. Legends of Uud - The Calling Voices (2019/6m/Fouad Hajji and Samba Schutte)
  39. Lifeform (2019/Harry Hughes)
  40. Adrushya (2019/15m)
  41. Sweet Dreams (2019/10 min/KC Matthews)
  42. At Two Thirty (2019/90 min/Wang Sai)
  43. Rachell (2019/Julian Edward Harris)
  44. Backwood (2019/3m/Shannon Hutchinson)
  45. Selfie Shots (2019/Michael Tracy)
  46. Kain Kafan Hitam (2019/76 min/Yudhistira Bayuadji and Maxime Bouttier)
  47. Utolsó Estém a Pokolban (2019/Czömpöl Kristóf)
  48. Psycho Sisters: Possessed! (2019/Roland Brown and Pete Jacelone)
  49. Spellbound (2019/18m/HorroSohit Khanna)
  50. Dhilluku Dhuddu 2 (2019/119m/Rambala)
  51. The Foe (2019 Video/2m/Michael Pham)
  52. Collection (2019/Michael Davis, Garrett Julian and Andrew Long)
  53. Bad Blood (2019/5m/Travis Darkow)
  54. Full Moon (2019/14m/Philippe Bazelle)
  55. Muffled Screams (2019/6m/Robert Turnbull)
  56. Bagman Rising (2019/Logan Wilson)
  57. Ester's Entity (2019/Julie Merrick)
  58. Ghost-ed (2019/10m/Jessie Rabideau and Steven Soria)
  59. Gore II (2019/11m/Jerry Collins)
  60. The Light (2019/8m/Kevin Mounce)
  61. Üç Harfliler: Adak (2019/91 min/Alper Mestçi)
  62. Love (2019/Justin Oakley)
  63. The Midnight Jester (2019/4m/Craig Fisher)
  64. Man in my Room (2019/3m/Caleb Heiland)
  65. You've Been Bad (2019/3m/Craig Fisher)
  66. Teen Girl Fight Club (2019 Video/60m)
  67. Hanga Gubbe (2019/3m/Mauricio Molinari)
  68. Welcome to the Madhouse (2019/Marc Zammit)
  69. Sugah Rush (2019)
  70. Cernunnos (2019/14m/Winston Stemler)
  71. Emergency Broadcast (2019/12 min/Nathanial Holt)
  72. Séance (2019/5m/Nick Owens)
  73. Shower (2019/Jesse Haaja)
  74. Mercy (2019/Luis Perez Villegas)
  75. Gipsy Doll (2019/7m/Mauricio Molinari)
  76. Luna (2019/Ben Tefft)
  77. Lost Property (2019/7m/C.J. Barnes)
  78. Embody the Homicide (2019/Seth Jacobs)
  79. Nästet (2019/26m/Erik Hansson)
  80. Forest of Chaos (2019/John H. Shelton)
  81. Satu Suro (2019/94 min/Anggy Umbara)
  82. Thumbs (2019/William Grefé)
  83. Fred Needs a Friend (2019/25m/Turner Munch)
  84. Curse of La Llorona (2019/William Terry)
  85. Local Legends (Reboot) (2019/30 min)
  86. Play or Die (2019/Jacques Kluger)
  87. Zebra (2019/5m/Peter Spann)
  88. Play Date (2019/8m/Herb Cremer and Joe Cremer)
  89. Soul Hunt (2019/3m/Rajesh Rajilal)
  90. The Retreat (2019/Surya Kiran Enjam)
  91. Cabina de la Locura (2019/50 min/Holger Wlodarczak)
  92. Sonic.Exe. (2019/HorroDennis Edwards)
  93. Damned Faustus (2019/5m/Mason W. Shell)
  94. Drop Dead (2019/Drew Bashen)
  95. Don't Drink the Milk (2019/Bill Zebub)
  96. Fármako (2019/7 min/Spencer Welch)
  97. Sonic.Exe (2019/93 min/Dennis Edwards)
  98. Knock Knock Knock (2019/11 min/Colin Hodson)
  99. Herbie (2019/2 min/Miguel Alejandro Marquez)
  100. Chimamire sukeban chênsô red: Kôhen - Gîko no kakusei (2019/Hiroki Yamaguchi)
  101. Every Secret Thing: The Making of KKKillers (2019/Manny Velazquez)
  102. Monster Truck (2019/88m/Daniel Weiss)
  103. The House That Henry Built (2019/7m/Peter Mckeirnon)
  104. Bamboozled (2019/11 min /Lucia Balestrieri and Paolo Tarantini)
  105. Hüddam 2 (2019/92m /Utku Uçar)
  106. Lured (2019/David LI)
  107. Evil Beneath (2019/52m/Brett Gerking)
  108. Dreadout: Tower of Hell (2019/95m/Kimo Stamboel)
  109. Emma (2019/Daniel Glenn-Barbour)
  110. Water Horse (2019/8 min/Sean Temple and Sarah Wisner)
  111. Tembang Lingsir (2019/90 min/Rizal Mantovani Perjanjian Dengan Iblis)
  112. Perjanjian dengan Iblis (2019/80 min /Ardy Octaviand)
  113. Mislaid (2019/7m/Matthew Penado and Chandler Thornton)
  114. PrettyFace (2019/Francesco Depinto)
  115. Rajawali (2019/87m/Mamat Khalid, S. Amin Shahab)
  116. The Aamazyn Killer (2019/John Harper)
  117. Bequeathed (2019/8m/Michael McCallum)
  118. Deprivation (2019/Chris Foster)
  119. Feed Me Death (2019/Matt Devino)
  120. Nu gui ai shang shi (2019/Yew Kwang Han)
  121. The Skies That Bleed (2019/Ricky Jordan Moore)
  122. The Car: Road to Revenge (2019/89m/G.J. Echternkamp)
  123. Ghost (2019/Vikram Bhatt)
  124. Muse (2019/80m/Richard John Taylor)
  125. Grosshouse II (2019/85m/Alex Powers and Doug Waugh)
  126. The Witching Tree (2019/Shelby Jones)
  127. Felina (2019/Sandosh Kesavan)
  128. Moonbow (2019/84 min/William Robert Chadwell)
  129. Appurtenance (2019/20m/Deuandra T. Brown)
  130. Cruel Perfection (2019/10 min/John Strucel)
  131. Eyes at the Specter Glass (2019/12m/Matthew Wade)
  132. Life Lessons (2019/JohnMark Triplett)
  133. See You Soon (2019/Brennan Karem)
  134. The Mark Of Nefarious (2019/Jason Ledford)
  135. Chiroptera (2019/131m/Danial Donai)
  136. The Ratman of Southend (2019/Michael Holiday)
  137. Dollface (2019/11m/Victor Tapia, Darryl Thomas)
  138. Just a Child (2019/Adam Ford)
  139. The Rat (2019/12m/Carlen May-Mann)
  140. Halloween Do you believe in the boogeyman (2019/John Harper)
  141. Abigail (2019/Julian Vetrone)
  142. Hymns of Abarise - Megan (2019/Alex De Luca)
  143. The Killer (2019/Anders Jacobsson and Tomas Sandquist)
  144. Haunted Evil Dead (2019/95 min/Sonny Laguna and Tommy Wiklund)
  145. Last Call (2019/Ronnie L. Cleary)
  146. When Justice Fails (2019/Crissy Kolarik)
  147. I Bind You to Me (2019/Felipe De Vecchi)
  148. She Summoned Him (2019/Chris Sanders)
  149. Suo (2019/42m/Tuomas Anttonen)
  150. Afraid of the Dark (2019 Video/5m/Alicia Eames)
  151. Porcelain (2019)
  152. Knock Knock Knock (2019/Ross Heath and Chris John Livermore)
  153. Pareidolia (2019/11m/Stefan Riesner and Christian Skibinski)
  154. Seton Falls Park (2019/T.S.)
  155. Blood Is Thicker (2019/Shelly Doss)
  156. 29 Needles (2019/95 min/Scott Philip Goergens)
  157. Limbo (2019/45 min/Alfonso Vega)
  158. Ghost in My House (2019/9m/Angel Kunev)
  159. La Faraona (2019/20m/José Paredes)
  160. Please Forgive Me (2019/Marcus Marino)
  161. Seytan Oyunu (2019/90 min/Kadir Genç)
  162. Popsy (2019/Jon Mann)
  163. If Talk Could Kill (2019/Summer Rudas)
  164. Rust (2019/38 min/Joe Lujan)
  165. Están Aquí (2019/Héctor Bravo)
  166. La Paura Trema Contro (2019/74 min/Pupi Oggiano)
  167. Its Finished (2019/Alexzander Rogers)
  168. Born on the 8th of March (2019/104m/HorroLyberis Dionysopoulos)
  169. Kostakurta (Bajka o Satankrajini) (2019/27 min/Sasa Karanovic)
  170. Vampz! (2019/76m/Ramsey Attia)
  171. Wrinkles the Clown (2019/75m/Michael Beach Nichols)
  172. Tabu: Mengusik Gerbang Iblis (2019/96 min/Angling Sagaran)
  173. Latent (2019/Marek Losey)
  174. Beyond the Macabre (2019/John H. Shelton)
  175. Wrong Love (2019/90 min/Brian Frank Visciglia)
  176. Chimamire sukeban chênsô red: Zenpen - Nero no fukushû (2019/Hiroki Yamaguchi)
  177. Water (2019/Phillip Penza)
  178. Rancour (2019/Dane Hallett)
  179. Cuentos Oscuros (2019)
  180. Loveland (2019/67 min/Jeffrey J. Scott)
  181. Inhuman (2019/Zac Loy)
  182. Nightshade (2019/Charles Chudabala)
  183. School-Live! (2019/101m/HorroIssei Shibata)
  184. Decoyed (2019/Pezhmann Mokary)
  185. Malisan (2019/11m/Danilo Beckovic)
  186. All Dressed in White (2019/Jason Wright)
  187. Aye (2019/Violetta Anna Licari)
  188. A Handful of Dust (2019/18 min/Grayson Whitehurst)
  189. Stree 2 (2019/Amar Kaushik)
  190. Convention Bloodbath (2019/20m/Connor Watson)
  191. Forever (2019/David Lamar Watkins II)
  192. Nevrland (2019/88m/Gregor Schmidinger)
  193. It's Not The End (2019/17m/Sydney Perozak)
  194. Cold Feet (2019/Kearney Thompson)
  195. Creature from Cannibal Creek (2019/80 min/John Migliore)
  196. FilmFrights (2019/Manny Velazquez)
  197. Georgie (2019/Ryan Grulich)
  198. God Save the Cat (2019/Ryan Grulich)
  199. The 3rd Eye 2 (2019/116 min/Rocky Soraya)
  200. Scurry (2019/14m/Mike Leffingwell)
  201. Bright Lights, Dark Shadows (2019/Ryan Justice)
  202. Glam (2019/Sam Hodge)
  203. Paranoia: A Friday the 13th Fan Film (2019/20 min/Mason Scott)
  204. Strange Events 2 (2019/Jaysen P. Buterin, Charlie Phoenix, Kayden Phoenix and Ruben Rodriguez)
  205. Tillie (2019/Olivia Anton)
  206. Identity Theft (2019/7m/Michael Davis)
  207. Posljednji Srbin u Hrvatskoj (2019/90m/Predrag Licina)
  208. Just Another Day (2019/7m/Daniel Attrill)
  209. Chromophobia (2019/15m/Keith Adams)
  210. No Way Out (2019/Robert X. Golphin)
  211. Welcome To Paris (2019/13m/HorroJoon Ho Moon)
  212. The Acrylic (2019/Daniel James Pike)
  213. Mercy Black (2019/Owen Egerton)
  214. Canis (2019/20m/Phil Cheney)
  215. Edge of Insanity 2: Age of Madness (2019)
  216. Malus Canetis (2019/6 min/Justice Neyedli)
  217. Segredo Dos Djinn (2019/Rui Constantino)
  218. Incident at Montauk (2019/60 min/Owen Mulligan)
  219. Vi finns kvar (2019/12m/Alexander Rönnberg)
  220. The Fable (2019/Kan Eguchi)
  221. Halloween at Aunt Ethel's (2019/80m/Joseph Mazzaferro)
  222. Le dernier Vermouth (2019/Germain Aguesse)
  223. Wowzers (2019/40m/Ace Thor)
  224. Karma (2019/85 min/Wei-Heng Chung)
  225. ¡Vaya Reparto! (2019/16m/Javier Cobo and Pedro Riutort)
  226. For Summer (2019/11m/Jessie Kirby)
  227. Araf 2 (2019/Biray Dalkiran)
  228. One Night At Villa (2019)
  229. I Know You (2019/Jayveer Panghaal)
  230. The Monster (2019/Neil Stevens)
  231. The Malicious (2019/Noel Vinson)
  232. Teratomorph (2019/35 min/Joe Meredith)
  233. Dark Eyes (2019/Matt Dugan)
  234. Ykcowrebbaj (2019/8m/HorroHelen Hideko)
  235. Old Future: Storm of Stardust (2019/45 min/Nicolas Naranjo)
  236. The Blue Whale (2019/15m/Fahad Olayan)
  237. Pyar Ektarfa (2019/Jai p Mishra)
  238. Amavas (2019/134 min/Bhushan Patel)
  239. Suicide by Sunlight (2019/17 min/Nikyatu Jusu)
  240. Seven Boxes (2019/90 min/Andrew Sean Eltham-Byers)
  241. Corporate Animals (2019/86m/Patrick Brice)
  242. Retukiri Tukiri (2019/19m/Daniel Martín Rodríguez and Germán Tejada)
  243. Automata (2019/95 min/Lawrie Brewster)
  244. Rage Road (2019/Cédric Cremet)
  245. The Hermit (2019/14 min/Nate Schrader)
  246. Blackout (2019/Konstantinos Gourgiotis and George Leontakianakos)
  247. Pee Nak (2019/Achira Nokthet)
  248. The Hunt (2019/Craig Zobel)
  249. Slasher Party (2019/80 min/Tony Villalobos)
  250. Jerome (2019)
  251. Silhouette (2019/Mitch McLeod)
  252. Tell Your Children (2019/Doug Kaufman)
  253. 9: Nine (2019/149 min/Jenuse Mohammed)
  254. Lucero (2019/69m/Norberto Ramos del Val)
  255. The Baby (2019/9m/Sam Nicoresti)
  256. Happy Death Day 2U (2019/PG-13/100m/Christopher Landon)
  257. A-Symmetry (2019/Sam Bradford)
  258. Petra (2019/23m/Andreas Avgousti)
  259. That Night (2019/Joseph R. Davis and Brian Gerson)
  260. Down's Revenge (2019/108m/Lekhraj Patel)
  261. Quiet Comes the Dawn (2019/Pavel Sidorov)
  262. Demon Eye (2019/87 min/Ryan Simons)
  263. Praana (2019/107 min/V.K. Prakash)
  264. The Devil's Lettuce 2: Edible Evil (2019/Adam York)
  265. Derek's Thirteen Nightmares (2019/Pete Jacelone)
  266. Spirits in the Dark (2019/70m/József Gallai)
  267. The Killer Clown Meets the Candy Man (2019/Pete Jacelone)
  268. Char Man (2019/85 min/Kurt Ela and Kipp Tribble)
  269. Jeff Carroll's the Death Pledge (2019/Jeff Carroll)
  270. Here Comes Hell (2019/80m/Jack McHenry)
  271. Feedback (2019/Pedro C. Alonso)
  272. Midnight Games (2019/Katrina Nelson)
  273. X, Por primera vez te enamoraras de un asesino en serie (2019/9m/Raquel Choy)
  274. Demonbond (2019/Michael DeSanto)
  275. Detention (2019/Johan Vandewoestijne)
  276. The Golden Glove (2019/115 min/Fatih Akin)
  277. Short Game (2019/11m/Allistair Johnson)
  278. Monsterland 2 (2019/Jonathan Holbrook, Arlen Konopaki, Corey Norman, Charlie Phoenix, Kayden Phoenix, Patrick Rea, Elena Stecca and Ben Steiner)
  279. The Drone (2019/82m/Jordan Rubin)
  280. Sunny Child (2019/Ethan Peverley)
  281. Orchard Beach (2019/T.S.)
  282. House of the Gorgon (2019/Joshua Kennedy)
  283. Adrenaline Rush (2019/Marc Outbreak)
  284. Little Monsters (2019/94m/Abe Forsythe)
  285. Dark Night (2019/Matt Spease)
  286. The Lodge (2019/100m/Severin Fiala and Veronika Franz)
  287. Dis (2019/61 min/Adrian Corona)
  288. Blood Oak (2019/C.J. Girard and Tyler Dane Sutton)
  289. S.K.B. (2019/Not Rated/Dustin Kay)
  290. Fortuna Lake (2019/Felipe Martínez Amador)
  291. BOO! (2019/91m/Luke Jaden)
  292. Um Dia Negro 2: Estrada De Sangue (2019/21 min/Rui Constantino)
  293. Wake Up (2019/77 min/Joe W Nowland)
  294. Real Cases of Shadow People The Sarah McCormick Story (2019/107 min/Joseph Mazzaferro, Joseph D. Thomas)
  295. Chestersberg (2019/Jamie McKeller)
  296. Chickens Blood (2019/Korey Jordan)
  297. The Dream Called Life (2019/Piotr Dismas Zdanowicz)
  298. The Premonition (2019/James Ersted)
  299. Velvet Buzzsaw (2019/113 min/Dan Gilroy)
  300. Clickbait (2019/80m/Sophia Cacciola and Michael J. Epstein)
  301. FarmKill (2019/Benjamin van den Dool)
  302. The Unearthly (2019)
  303. Creaker (2019/Vidar Tevasvold Aune)
  304. The Taxidermist (2019/9 min/Luke Ramer)
  305. Relive (2019/103 min/Jacob Estes)
  306. Cute Exorcist (2019/80m/Vinicius J. Santos)
  307. Sweetheart (2019/82 min/J.D. Dillard)
  308. Bad Dose (2019/79 min/Patrick Downing)
  309. Betsy (2019/81 min/Shawn Burkett)
Films Announced for 2019 that may or may not actually be made/released within 2019
  1. Awesome Possum (2019/Michael Knobbe, Jr.)
  2. Geocache (2019/Maarten Bun)
  3. Play with Me (2019/Jesse Haaja)
  4. Night Swim (2019/Bryce McGuire)
  5. Stealing Manhattan (2019/Steve Stanulis)
  6. Along Came the Devil 2 (2019/Jason DeVan)
  7. Crossbow Creek (2019)
  8. Mother God (2019)
  9. Live from Toledo, Erin Darling Reporting (2019/Fabian Rush)
  10. Burn If She Floats (2019/Lee Lennox)
  11. RatAttack (2019/Andriana Parisi)
  12. The Engagement Reunion (2019/Stephan Sherman)
  13. This Order (2019/Levi Eddie Aluede and Dylan Mascis)
  14. Dark Room or Traces of something long gone (2019/Daniel Michalos)
  15. Uncle Edwin (2019/Alex Chikov)
  16. Behind (2019/Angel Gómez Hernández)
  17. Ink (2019)
  18. The Visit (2019/Raza Mallal)
  19. Untitled AHP Project (2019/Anthony Hemingway)
  20. All My Friends Are Dead (2019)
  21. Mask of the Valkyrie (2019/Mark Bousfield)
  22. Bathed in Blood (2019/Alexander Henderson)
  23. The Humming 2 (2019)
  24. The Blood King (2019)
  25. The Haunting of White Rock Lake (2019/85m/Andrew Jones)
  26. Untitled Courtney Miller Horror Project (2019/Courtney Miller)
  27. Here Comes the Night (2019/A.D. Calvo)
  28. Bad Little Children (2019)
  29. We Only Come Out at Night (2019/John Liang)
  30. La Llorona (The Ultimate Sin) (2019)
  31. Untitled Macabre Universe Film (2019/Bobby Roe)
  32. Yellow (2019)
  33. The Works of Evil (2019)
  34. Pig (2019/Claire Haxell-White, Jason Impey and Melvin Sutherland)
  35. Gently Smiling Jaws (2019/Sadrac González-Perellón)
  36. Sonny (2019/Rocco Winks)
  37. Maya (2019/Maria Brenda)
  38. Relax! (2019)
  39. The Deal (2019)
  40. Broken Pieces (2019)
  41. Halloween: Evil on Two Legs (2019/Joseph Formato)
  42. Wendigo (2019/Nic Sell)
  43. Demon (2019/Michael Thelin)
  44. Hellish (2019/David Malcolm)
  45. Play Time (2019/Anthony Raus)
  46. Ménage à Trois (2019/Kris Heys, Helen Lyons-Curran and Rebecca Melvin Phillips)
  47. Canis Lupis (2019)
  48. Bad Things Happen (2019)
  49. The Old Witch (2019/Justin Beahm)
  50. Never sleep again (2019)
  51. Jump (2019)
  52. Come Out to Play (2019)
  53. Equus Spiritus (2019)
  54. Unquiet (2019/Gabriel Beristain)
  55. The Adventures of Baked Potato Man (2019)
  56. The Shepherd (2019)
  57. Girl in the Creek (2019)
  58. Nightly Night Man (2019/Jermaine Nix)
  59. Spirit Reckoning (2019/Jimmy Lee Combs)
  60. Absolution (2019/Nathan Oliver)
  61. Red Right Hand (2019)
  62. Heather (2019)
  63. Untitled Craig Jordan Slasher Film (2019/Craig Jordan)
  64. The Unholy Spirit (2019/Adam Jay Ung)
  65. Merry F'n Christmas (2019/90m/Lawrence Whitener)
  66. Sins (2019/Anthony Hickox)
  67. Who Goes There (2019/Matthew Fackrell and Nathan Fackrell)
  68. Curse: Pearl of Wisdom (2019/Anantha Ramanan)
  69. Vinyl (2019/Banjo Carmichael)
  70. A Herança (2019/João Cândido Zacharias)
  71. The Closet Game (Redux) (2019/Jason Harris)
  72. Dead End Solitude (2019/Rona Walter)
  73. The Elevator Ritual (2019/Jason Harris)
  74. The Closet Game (2019/Jason Harris)
  75. Follow the Leader (2019/Marcus Dunstan)
  76. Santeria: The beginning of Horror (2019/Clovis Ong)
  77. Gear Man (2019)
  78. Macabre (2019/Jack Stanis and Schyler Coghlan)
  79. The Visitor (2019/10m/Kristopher Wile)
  80. The Castle (2019/Fiona Mackenzie)
  81. Imago (2019/Rafa Dengrá)
  82. The Dock (2019/Rocco Michaluk)
  83. The Gunter (2019/Christian York)
  84. Home Sweet Home (2019)
  85. Cidic (2019/Audrey Cummings)
  86. Appointment with the Devil (2019)
  87. Ignominia (2019)
  88. El Cortillo (2019)
  89. Are You Scared Yet? (2019/Dane Millerd)
  90. Untitled El Cucuy Feature Film Project (2019/Christopher Ambriz)
  91. Smilers (2019/Lance Doty)
  92. A Day In Hell (2019/Branden Anthony Bayless and Dustin Andrew Jones)
  93. Deadboyz (2019)
  94. Untitled Project (2019/Leo Di Leo and Graziano Molteni)
  95. Laundromat (2019)
  96. POSER (2019)
  97. Edge of Hell (2019/Kevin Hicks)
  98. Pieces of Amy (2019)
  99. Forevermore (2019/Kenneth E. Carper)
  100. Migraine (2019/Hengame Keshvarpajoh and Amirabas Moradmand)
  101. Psychedelic Nudes (2019)
  102. Sadie (2019/Alexandra Adomaitis)
  103. Pottu (2019/120m/V.C. Vadivudaiyan)
  104. H40 (2019)
  105. Xenophobia (2019/Romeo Ortiz)
  106. The Next Voice (2019)
  107. Don't Listen (2019/Michael Davis)
  108. Wrota piekiel (2019/Lukasz Stasiorowski)
  109. Savon (2019/Michael Davis)
  110. Jake Estrada's the Human Virus (2019/Jake Estrada)
  111. Don't Breathe 2 (2019/Fede Alvarez)
submitted by tombstoneshadows28 to horror [link] [comments]


2019.01.23 02:12 newtotownJAM Acquired Savant Syndrome

*It was the 2nd March 2018 when this all started.
It was a Friday. It was cold outside and had snowed the week before in the town I live in. I wore a pair of dark blue chinos and a white shirt, black shoes.
My friend Caleb had arranged to come to my flat at 8pm before we went out to the pubs. We grew up together and met on Wednesday 9th September 1998 when we were both 4 years old. He arrived at 8.17pm - Caleb was always late.
We visited 3 different pubs. I saw 23 people that I knew and we stayed at the last pub for exactly 1 hour and 36 minutes. *
I remember all of this because of the part of that night that I could never remember. I only remember the details that were described to me when I woke up in the hospital.
Me and Caleb were jumped as we left the 3rd pub, there was a small alley about 20 yards from the venue that was renowned for violence. Our assailants dragged us into the alley and launched into a violent attack. They beat the fuck out of us. Kicking and stamping on our heads until neither of us were moving. They took whatever they could, our wallets, watches and phones.
Caleb didn’t make it.
I suffered a traumatic brain injury and spent 2 weeks in a coma. When I finally woke up I was surrounded by family, police, doctors, nurses and what just felt like the entire population of the hospital. When they told me what had happened I freaked out. Everything was so overwhelming. The lights, the people. It was like watching 20 different films at the same time with the volume cranked right up.
The medical professionals, police and family that became a constant swarm of overlapping movies in my life soon learned that I could only cope with two to three people at best at any one given time. They learned the extent of my brain damage; I had trouble with speech, movement and near total hearing loss in one ear but considering Caleb’s fate I felt lucky.
After a week the doctors deemed it ok for the police to interview me about Friday 2nd March 2018. That was when they discovered the true impact of my head injuries. I could recall every detail of the night it happened. Every single one, visible to me, as clear as the present we exist in.
Every detail that is - except for the attack. I could remember the 17 minutes that my friend had kept me waiting but not the face of the absolute shit bag that killed him.
The police interview sparked entirely new rounds of tests. I spoke with psychiatrists, had brain scans and saw specialist after specialist. They soon discovered that the night of the attack was just the tip of the iceberg in regards to my remarkable memory.
I had gained the ability to calendar calculate, for both the past and future. For those who won’t have heard of that (I certainly hadn’t before my injury) that means for any given date I can tell you the exact day of the week that it will have been or will be. I can also tell you the details of any given day from about the age of 8 and very occasionally younger, leading right up to my attack at 23 years old, and every day that has passed since. Details including the weather, what I wore, where I went, who I saw and more. It started slow and developed into every tiny detail of my life.
They finally settled on a diagnosis of acquired savant syndrome. A rare phenomenon in which the victim of a traumatic head injury or similar acquires remarkable savant like abilities in an area they previously did not display exceptional skills in.
I couldn’t describe it better myself. I was the most forgetful person I knew before the incident. My mum used to tell me I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached. But now I can never forget anything.
As I healed physically, my savant symptoms became stronger. I remembered more and more. Talking about obscure dates from my childhood and reeling off the day of the week, the weather, the time of day of certain events and more. My physiotherapist was happy with my progress and hospitals are desperately overcrowded in Britain so just 3 weeks after waking from my coma I was discharged and sent home from hospital.
That’s when I started to realise that my newly developing prodigal abilities were nothing more than a fucking curse.
You have to understand. Hospitals are bright and overwhelming places and it’s impossible to focus. Acquired savant syndrome is incredibly rare but savant syndrome, a similar condition, is most prominent in autistic individuals. This connection is important. Some autistic people struggle to function in high stimulus environments. It sends them into shut down mode. My entire experience at the hospital felt like how autistic people describe that overwhelming feeling.
I believe that’s why my abilities didn’t show their true nature at first.
My parents took me back to their home, my childhood home. The entire house was littered with memories, I could watch the snow fall or the hot sun beat down on a family barbecue depending on what date I thought of. It was beautiful at first. A welcome distraction from what a shit heap my life now was in my newly useless body and the loss of my best friend.
On my first evening home I was finally left in a room by myself. My mum has set my room up with a wireless doorbell that went directly to her if I needed anything. My mobility still wasn’t 100% and I was mostly bedridden so it wasn’t long before I had to ring the doorbell for a drink of water.
When my mum entered the room to find out what I needed I felt a pounding in my head followed by a beautiful light show playing in my eyes. I thought it was the beginnings of a migraine but that would’ve been too easy.
The room disappeared in a fizzle with the light show and I was back in a hospital room. Except this time I wasn’t in bed, I was watching from a position in the room that was just above the height of an average standing adult male. My mother was 34 years old and 22 days exactly (I just knew that, I don’t know how) it was Sunday 26th June 1994 and she was laying in the bed with sweat pouring down her face, my dad was gripping her hand tight telling her, “keep going baby!”
My mums belly was swollen and with the strong knowledge that I was an only child I realised that I was witnessing my own birth. It felt like I watched for at least half an hour until the moment I entered the world but once the scene began to end my mother had barely reached my bed. Like no time had passed at all. I had seen all of that in an instant.
The light show quickly returned and disappeared and I was back in my own room with my now older mum looking down at me. It wasn’t just my memories anymore. By the time my mum returned with the water I had convinced myself that I had only seen what I had because I was a part of the memory. It didn’t take long the squash that theory.
As she entered the room for the second time the pounding began again. Much harder this time, my head was in intense pain and the light show began again. Except it wasn’t a light show this time, the bright patches that fizzled became dark black smudges that evaporated to reveal a darkened room. My mum was much younger this time, 18 years old. It was Friday 27th October 1978 and she was at a Halloween party being hosted by her friend Zoe. I had never met Zoe or heard my mum talk about her but I knew that was her name and that this was her house. My mum had been drinking with my father who she had been dating for 5 months and 28 days by this point. She had stumbled into this room after using the bathroom, dizzy and confused. I watched the boy enter, I watched him push her to the ground and hoist up her skirt, I watched her beg him to stop, barely able to slur out the words. I recognised his face. It was much younger but I knew his face and I knew his name. Doug Cavill. My fathers best friend, my pseudo uncle who took me fishing as a kid and frequented our house for dinners.
Then I was back in my room, thanking my beautiful mother for the glass of water and silently wishing I could unsee what I had seen. I could barely move, I couldn’t fight for her and I couldn’t be sure if she had been too drunk to consciously remember. Brains are good at blocking shit like that out. If she had I certainly couldn’t break her heart like that by telling her.
I was also conscious of my autonomy. I know that sounds selfish but I had to be. I did my research on acquired savant syndrome and of the handful of cases documented no one had displayed the extra ability to see others memories.
If I started spouting about witnessing my own birth and an assault my mother may not even remember I could be viewed as having neurological damage or some other medical shit and deemed crazy. Apologies for the inaccuracies there - I don’t pretend to be a doctor.
I won’t bore you with the details of the next painful few months of my life. It isn’t the purpose of this post.
But I will tell you that I learned and saw things that no person should have to. It started at home. I learned that my grandfather had been a pretty severe alcoholic and had taken it all out on my dad, he’d beaten him almost daily as a child. The first time being when he was 6 years old on Monday 15th February 1965.
Then as my mother started to insist I ventured out with her, at first in a wheelchair and then on crutches as my physio progressed, I started to see memories belong to total strangers in the street. The light show would always indicate what type of memory it would be. Bright fizzling for happy memories and dark black for unhappy ones.
I witnessed weddings, couples falling in love, parties, friendships, pets and births. They were glorious.
I also witnessed child abuse, domestic violence and on a few rare occasions even murder - I don’t want to upset you with how frequent the first two were.
I saw everything, from the aforementioned awful subjects to the downright strange. One of my favourites from the strange category was an older man named Percy who I encountered in a local post office buying stamps.
On Tuesday 13th August 2002 Percy had managed to secure himself a ménage à trois with two lovely ladies named Donna and Shelley. Donna and Shelley arrived at 4.53pm - 7 minutes earlier than arranged - to do the deed and seductively tied Percy to his bed. They performed a little girl on girl action to get the party started before swiftly putting their clothes on and robbing Percy’s entire house. They had a van waiting outside full of guys to remove larger items. I know this doesn’t sound like the most original scam in the world and it isn’t. But what makes it a favourite was that Percy seemed to genuinely see this as a happy memory. The light show proved it.
You may think that you would enjoy knowing people’s darkest secrets. That you’d feel part of your own secret club full of knowledge and power. And you would be right, but you would only be right some of the time.
I couldn’t control what I saw, who I saw or what happened as a result. There were just too many. Honestly when you’ve seen as many children hurt, in as many creative and disgusting ways as I have you spend days fantasising of boiling people alive in acts of satisfying vigilantism.
I knew factually every detail of the darkest times in people’s lives, but I still didn’t know where to find assailants, or how to stop it from getting worse or happening again. I could barely even walk let alone hunt anyone down. There’s nothing on this planet more frustrating than that.
I was broken. After 5 months of it I had become completely socially inept. The friends that I did have visited until I could no longer communicate with them. Of the 23 people I had seen the night I was attacked I couldn’t call a single one of them anymore. I couldn’t look at them the same after reliving their darkest memories. It often started with memories that I was a part of but quickly turned into more private and perverse moments. No one was sacred. I started to find the entire human race disgusting and to this day I still do.
Do you know there’s not a single fucking person on this planet with an entirely happy or innocent catalogue of memories. I know what you’re doing. You’re thinking of the worst thing you’ve ever done right now and wondering if you may have passed me in the street. I really hope that you haven’t. But I digress..
I spent my time alone in my childhood room, still unable to return to independent living due to my mobility issues, my speech had improved but in all honesty I didn’t really want to speak to anyone. I avoided my parents as much as I possibly could. Got blind drunk whenever I could get the strength together to visit a shop alone and hoped that one morning I might just not wake up.
My mum pushed me to continue physical therapy and training. I didn’t want to, I didn’t really want to leave my room anyway so what was the use? I only went to keep her happy.
It took months but on Sunday 2nd December 2018 at 2.11pm I took my first steps completely unaided since the attack.
Something changed in me during that moment. I could move on my own. The deep depression and hatred I felt towards my ability suddenly felt unfounded. The fog that clouded my mind lifted as I was hit with what I believe to be the true reason for my extraordinary ability. It really was an epiphany.
I couldn’t save everyone - but I could use it to track down my attackers.
The police had never found them, they wore gloves, blitz attacked and got away fast. They’d left no trail and the fuckers who did this to me and killed my friend were still out there. They had theories that they had been in the pub with us and watched us use cash to pay for drink but the pub had no cctv so this led nowhere.
All I had to do was bump into them.
I almost always saw memories I was a part of first, so surely my attack would hit me the moment I saw them.
Please remember that I had never been able to remember the actual attack. Every detail of the night was there - my chinos, 8.17pm, Caleb... but there was nothing from the time we left that pub until I woke up in the hospital. I was in essence looking for two complete strangers that may not even be from the area just by walking around aimlessly. It was not a solid plan but it was a start.
I thanked the physiotherapist as I walked from one end of the room to the other and collapsed into a chair. He was a generally good man - apart from that one time on Saturday 19th July 2014 that he had cheated on his wife with a gorgeous transgender prostitute.
It took another couple of weeks until I could leave the house without my crutches. But I was determined. I had purpose again now. Nothing was going to stop me, I worked and worked until I could do it. Eventually my parents stopped fighting me to stay in and on Friday 4th January 2019 I visited that pub for the first time since Friday 2nd March 2018. The third pub, the last thing I remembered before the attack. Exactly 10 months after it happened.
I saw a multitude of sins in that pub for the 4 hours and 22 minutes that I spent in there but none of them were the particular sin I was looking for.
I’ve been back every night since then, weeknights included. My head pounds the entire time. For someone in my condition to be surrounded by that many people it can be incredibly overwhelming. I start to feel that shut down mode creeping sometimes but Caleb’s face haunts my thoughts for the brief time I am left alone with them. His face is always enough to bring back my razor sharp focus.
I wasn’t intending on sharing this. I thought my mission would take a long time. I believed in what I was doing but I never wanted to raise my hopes too much. I would’ve searched my whole life if I had to. But the reason that I’m sharing this, is that I finally found them.
Last night, 2 hours and 55 minutes into my usual stakeout my eyes met another man across the bar and the black smudges formed. My head had never pounded so hard and finally, after months of waiting I watched my attack for the first time.
I watched them discuss how much money they’d seen us spend at the bar and how quick they could grab it. I watched them pull us into the alley, kick us to the floor. I watched them kick me in the face, knocking me out. Caleb was awake and screaming the first few times they stamped on his head but it didn’t take long until any light remaining had left his eyes. I watched as they panicked and ran.
The black smudges returned and cleared to leave me back in the bar, watching that fucker accept a drink from the bartender. It took every ounce of restraint that I have not to go over there and hit him...strangle him...anything.
But I didn’t, I had to do this properly. For Caleb. I waited until the man settled his tab for the night and walked out of the bar with his friends, one of them I recognised as the second attacker from the memory. I had them both. I stayed at least 15 yards behind them as they walked home. They didn’t live far from the pub thankfully and when they entered the same flat it didn’t take long combined with their similar faces and statures to deduct that they were probably brothers. The memory had given me their names anyway. Peter and Bertie. I took note of the address and went home with a sense of elation.
I’m writing this tonight because tomorrow I’m going to go back and kill them both. I’ve used today to plan my attack and I’m totally prepared. But I’m also realistic. I know I might not survive or I might be arrested and I wanted some sort of record of what really happened. Someone to know that I did the right thing in the end. That I used my ability for good.
I’m sorry to everyone who I’ve witnessed go through something awful. You might be reading this now and I truly am sorry. I couldn’t save you all. I couldn’t save any of you.
I couldn’t save Caleb. But I can and I will make what happened right.
submitted by newtotownJAM to nosleep [link] [comments]


2019.01.18 14:03 LockeProposal Casual brutality.

[The following is in regards to British settler farmers in modern-day Tasmania, and the way that they treated the native black Aborigines when they came across them.]
[…] it is a credit to European historiography in Tasmania that so much evidence of their hidden deeds has reached the light of day. That many of the stockmen openly boasted of their actions is also a powerful indication of the extraordinary values of their time and place.
Typically, they were indifferent to the edicts of Hobart vetoing the use of poisoned flour, which had been sanctioned in New South Wales to stop Aborigines from stealing settlers’ supplies. In Tasmania, the natives had the contaminated product actively urged upon them, sometimes even before any theft had been attempted. Another tactic was to gun them down while pretending to hand out food, one stock-keeper hitting nineteen with a swivel gun loaded with nails. Another managed to rip open an Aborigine’s stomach while seeming to offer bread at the end of a knife. One farmer, obedient to the ban on poison, found an equally effective deterrent for Aboriginal theft. When the Tasmanian band, which was accustomed to stop and shelter in his outhouse, arrived one day, the farmer watched to see the results of his alternative measure. After a short time he had his first volunteer, the Aborigine immediately leaping back in terror from the tempting flour cask, his hand snapped off in the jaws of a concealed gin trap.
Another landowner proved that casual brutality was by no means the preserve of Tasmania’s criminal underclass. Encountering a lone Aborigine on his land, the farmer started to fool around, holding an unloaded pistol to his own temple and pulling the trigger, laughing at the click of each empty chamber. Once he had demonstrated the game, he then encouraged his companion to join in. This time he handed over a fully loaded weapon, and the Aborigine held it to his ear and blew his own brains out.
Inevitably, the all-male work force on isolated Tasmanian farms became as lonely as the sealers in the Bass Straight, and stockmen regularly kidnapped Aboriginal females in order to work off their frustrations. The standard practice was to chain them up and then turn on the charm, one suitor thrusting a burning stick into the skin of his would-be partner until she succumbed to his advances. The commonest form of foreplay, however, was a good beating with a bull whip.
It is worth noting that having these women expressed a sexual dimension to the pervasive settler concern to possess and occupy Tasmania’s Aborigines. Ownership of the living object could, of course, eventually pall. Two stockmen, bored of their ménage á trois, took the shared third party and pegged her out spread-eagled on the ground, then left her to die.
Sometimes the liaisons were the product of chance encounter, like the two Britons out hunting birds who happened upon an Aboriginal party. Although the Tasmanians fled in panic, one of their number was a heavily pregnant woman and she was forced to drop behind and hide up a tree. The bird hunters found her and shot her down, the trauma of which caused her to miscarry. Finally the dying woman dragged herself off to a creek and buried her head completely in mud, while the sportsmen looked on in amusement.
Occasionally, things did not go as the stockmen had hoped. One individual chained up his female prize, flogged her with a bull whip and raped her, only to find himself surrounded by the rest of her group at a later date, who then speared him to death.
Source:
Cocker, Mark. “The Black War.” Rivers of Blood, Rivers of Gold: Europe's Conquest of Indigenous Peoples. Grove Press, 2001. 140-41. Print.
Original Source(s) Listed:
Ryan, The Aboriginal Tasmanians, p. 139.
Travers, The Tasmanians, p. 147.
Plomley, Friendly Mission, p. 346.
Davies, The Last of the Tasmanians, p. 61, 65.
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submitted by LockeProposal to TheGrittyPast [link] [comments]


2018.07.20 13:48 YogaWedding Are all PUAs or whoremongers automatically bad?

Trigger warning: sex work and pick up artists
I wrote a poem because I didn't know how to express what I've been feeling about this. Basically, I know that there are issues with sex trafficking in this industry and sexual harassment by PUA people but I have had a really positive experience. I acknowledge that, but does it mean I shouldn't share my story or advocate for sex work or dating advice consumers?
Thank you for showering with me after sex, I hadn’t paid for that
And when my first girlfriend stuck around after sex, I felt I didn’t deserve that
Thanks for getting into it, unlike the other lady in our $300 oily Ménage à trois
It taught me that I prefer just one woman (at a time)
Thanks to that other woman, not the same one, in that other brothel who gave me my first kiss Second time having sex, right on the lips
I learned that emotional intimacy, can, go hand in hand with pleasure
And thanks to my first, yes you were the worst But your massage was on point and your kind compliment on my appearance, was the first I kinda believed, skeptical as I were you were after repeat business
I’m a john, a whore monger. We're seen as scum, rapists, misogynists, undesirables, rejects, defective.
Transactional sex and love saved my life. I saw a hooker after I planned to end it and realised there were people who would give me a chance.
More or less unconditional love, is available
I tried to learn pick up from the internet too
Even went to seminars, no, hold off on your boos
Without it I wouldn’t standing in front of you, confident, respectful and you probably haven’t a clue - baited by hateful ideas about what I do, with no knowledge of what I've been through 100’s, maybe 1000’s of hours in online PUA schools
You don’t really know me, except what I’ve told you
Knowing you’d hate me
Hate me, and I just want to love, too.
This is basically dedicated to the sex workers and pick up coaches who spread love, instead of hate, who's customer's can't afford the real intimacy
submitted by YogaWedding to socialjustice101 [link] [comments]


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