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[OC] What if every world cup team had the same population? - Group F

2020.05.04 18:05 Mel0n_Collie [OC] What if every world cup team had the same population? - Group F

Mayday! Mayday! A new group is upon us! Welcome back to this alternative world cup as we uncover the sixth group of eight in this fascinating made-up tournament, well, fascinating to me atleast.
My writing was briefly interrupted this morning as amidst all this major historical event malarkey, the UK sneakily changed the May bank holiday to friday leading me to run down the road in my dressing gown for a bin man I didn’t expect. Artists interpretation
I’ve since wiped the stale beer and bin juice off of myself to bring you what was collectively the most laborious group to research, but before I excite you too much, here are the groups so far
Group A, Group B, Group C, Group D, Group E
With this installment falling on May the fourth, you may want to read them in the correct order of D, E, F, A, B, C. Today’s edition begins however, with the revenge of the Sikh’s.
Punjab
3 Indian States (Punjab, Haryana, Rajastan), 1 Pakistani Province (Punjab)
Population (millions): 231.65
From the region that brought you Mundian To Bach Ke via Coventry, we bring you one of the better teams of a very bad Indian bunch.
Punjab is a Persian word meaning land of five rivers, unfortunately as far as the Football is concerned, the region tends to meander more than it flows.
The Pakistani half of the region hogs nine of 16 Pakistan Premier League clubs, denoting sporting superiority to the province's peers, of whom produced zero players for Greater Khorosan’s shortlist.
The ‘Pak Shaheen’ send an octet of failed cricketers to a side where the non-punjabi states of Haryana and Rajastan are never-presents
Goalkeepers Birthplace FM20 Value Age
Gurpreet Singh Sandhu IND Bengaluru GK Punjab 46 0.04 28
Amrinder Singh IND Mumbai City GK Punjab 30 0.02 26
Defenders
Sandesh Jhingan IND Kerala Blasters CB Punjab 43 0.05 26
Harmanjot Singh Khabra IND Bengaluru RB Punjab 26 0.02 31
Answar Ali IND Punjab CB Punjab 24 0.02 35
Gurwinder Singh IND East Bengal CB Punjab 21 0.01 34
Shahbaz Younas PAK Pakistan Army CB Punjab (P) 17 0.01 24
Naveed Ahmed PAK Pakistan Navy CB Punjab (P) 17 0.01 27
Ali Uzair PAK WAPDA RB Punjab (P) 21 0.01 23
Faisal Iqbal PAK National Bank LB Punjab (P) 17 0.01 27
Midfielders
Gurjinder Singh IND SYNKA CM Punjab 33 0.01 33
Germanpreet Singh IND Chennaiyin CDM Punjab 24 0.02 23
Hitesh Sharma IND Hyderabad CM Punjab 24 0.02 22
Bikramjit Singh IND Odisha CDM Punjab 22 0.02 27
Akashdeep Singh IND Minerva Punjab LM Punjab 21 0.01 26
Ahmed Faheem PAK WAPDA RW Punjab (P) 18 0.01 25
Muhammad Adil PAK Khan Research CAM Punjab (P) 21 0.01 27
Rizwan Asif PAK Khan Research RW Punjab (P) 18 0.01 30
Forwards
Balwant Singh IND ATK ST Punjab 30 0.02 33
Manvir Singh IND Goa ST Punjab 30 0.02 24
Ansar Abbas PAK Pakistan Army CF Punjab (P) 19 €0.01 31
Ajay Singh IND Gokula Kerala ST Punjab 17 €0.01 31
Averages/Totals 25 0.37 27.86363636
Gurpreet Singh Sandhu is India’s number one between the sticks, and statistically exceeds the credentials of his teammates here. In September of last year Singh made an incredible 20 saves against Qatar in a completely unexpected 0-0 draw, this high-profile MOTM performance combined with Winning the ISL in 2019 earned him the Golden Glove award and the Arjuna Award for special achievement in Indian sport.
The best offering from west of the border is young fullback Ali Uzair, unfortunately that’s more of an emphasis on the lack of quality from Pakistan.
This uninspiring side has more ammature level ‘Singh’ing than a Saturday night reality show, this side has little to no X factor, it transpires that Punjab does NOT have talent.
West Indonisia & Singapore
25 most westernly Indonesian states, Singapore
Population (millions): 247.71
Aside from the aforementioned Pakistan, Indonesia is the closest sovereign nation to the target population, slightly over hitting the mark, Australia and co. nicked the West of this astronomical archipelago.
Much like many of the south-eastern countries, football is arguably Indonesia’s most popular sport along with Badminton. Playing under the historical pseudonym of the Dutch East-Indies, the Garuda were the first Asian team to participate in the World Cup in 1938, with a 6-0 defeat to Hungary their only appearance to date in the tournament.
With a substantial talent pool and a love for the game, it is frustrating that they have yet to produce a player that has made any sort of impact on the game. The man attempting to remedy that is obviously… Dennis Wise? Yes, bizarrely in what in one of the best Footballing series to come out of Youtube ‘The Search for Indonesia’s first wonderkid’ follows ‘Garuda Select’, a squad of 16/17 year old Indonesians scouted and managed by former England teammates Dennis Wise and Des Walker who give them the opportunity of spending a year in the English development system. Devised by the Indonesian FA, It’s a fascinating and unique look at the measures taken to develop the game.
A game between Garuda Select and Walsall under-17 was viewed live in Indonesia by 4.5 million people, personifying an incomparable desperation for a football team to be proud of. The now 18 year old striker Bagus Kahfi looks to be the valedictorian of the class of 2020, commanding rumours of a groundbreaking English club contract.
For now the only thing the current Indonesia squad has in common with England is that they seem adverse to being in Europe. The metropolitan super-city of Singapore joins on to the side, providing a spine of players to the squad.
Goalkeepers Birthplace FM20 Value Age
Andritany Ardhiyasa IDN Persija Jakarta GK Jakarta 39 €0.02 28
Hassan Sunny SNG Army United GK Singapore 41 €0.03 36
Defenders
Fachrudin Aryanto IDN Madura United CB Klaten 41 €0.02 31
Hansamu Yama IDN Persebaya Surabaya CB Mojokerto 41 €0.02 25
Ricky Fajrin IDN Bali United LB Semarang 34 €0.01 24
Firza Andika IDN Tubize LB Medan 40 €0.04 20
Juni Gede Antara IDN Bhayangkara RB Gianyar 36 €0.04 24
Gabin Kwan IDN Bali United RWB Denpasar 38 €0.04 24
Safuwan Bahadrudin SNG Selangor CB Singapore 42 €0.05 28
Andy Setyo IDN Persikabo CB Pati 33 €0.02 22
Midfielders 0
Stefano Lilipaly IDN Bali United CAM Amsterdam, NED 49 €0.08 30
Asep Berlian IDN Madura United CDM Bogor 37 €0.02 29
Bayu Pradana IDN Barito Putera CDM Salatiga 40 €0.02 29
Febri Hariyadi IDN Persib Bandung RW Bandung 48 €0.07 24
Septian David IDN PSIS Semarang LW Semarang 38 €0.02 23
Sani Rizki IDN Bhayangkara CM Bhayangkara 36 €0.02 22
Hendro Siswanto IDN Arema CM Tuban 41 €0.02 30
Ikhsan Fandi SNG Raufoss CM Singapore 42 €0.01 21
Forwards 0
Irfan Bachdim IDN PSS Sleman ST Amsterdam, NED 44 €0.06 31
Lerby Eliandry IDN Bali United ST Samarinda 38 €0.05 28
Ilija Spasojević IDN Bali United ST Bar, Montenegro 49 €0.02 32
Egy Maulana IDN Lechia Gdansk ST Medan 49 €0.12 19
Averages/Totals 41 €0.80 26.36363636
While Bagus doesn’t quite have the mileage to make the squad yet, sophomore Egy Maulana could be just as prosperous. The teenager has begun making appearances in the Polish Ekstraklasa scoring 13 goals in 16 games for the reserve side.
Native league champions Bali United are responsible for almost a quarter of the squad; formed in 2015, this favourable away day is already banging on the door of Champions league qualification.
Belgian bad boy Radja Nainggolan is half-Indonesian and idolised for being so. Despite already commanding 30 caps for ‘Les Diables Rouges’ before being outcast by Roberto Martinez, if there was some way for the midfielder to change allegiances, the manager would probably let him light up a cigarette in the centre-circle if he wanted to.
Far East and WCUS
Japan, South Korea,10 US States (Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Hawaii, Alaska)
Population (millions): 241.08
By far the most strained geographical combination, this franken-side is of intermediate quality but got an absolute touch in the draw, putting them as favourites.
From K-pop to California, this region could have simply been named ‘pop-culture land’, although the star quality is monopolised by a smiley Spurs striker who is projecting a career that may well already crown him Asia’s greatest ever export.
Japan and South Korea are Asia’s most tenacious territories when it comes to World Cup qualification. A debut appearance in 1998 for the Samurai Blue sparked a sensational start to the 21st century, qualifying for the last six iterations of the tournament reaching the knockout stages on three occasions, winning the Asian Cup thrice during this spell. The talismanic talents of Cha Bum and Park Ji Sung dominate the saga of South Korea’s qualification streak that spans back to 1986, although bizarrely continental bragging rights have evaded them for 60 years.
The west coast of the United States buffers the region's populous power, hoping tactics won’t get lost in translation, four yanks make their way East.
Goalkeepers Birthplace FM20 Value Age
Cho Hyun Woo KOR Ulsan Hyundai GK Seoul 61 €0.84 27
Stefan Frei USA Seattle Sounders GK Alstatten 61 €1.80 33
Defenders
Aaron Long USA NY Red Bulls CB Oak Hills, CA 62 €4.00 26
Gen Shoji JAP Toulouse CB Kobe 64 €4.50 26
Yuto Nagatomo JAP Galatasaray LB Saijo, Ehime 63 €2.70 32
Kim Min Jae KOR Beijing Guoan CB Tongyeong, Gye 62 €10.20 22
Maya Yoshida JAP Southampton CB Nagasaki 64 €9.10 31
Makoto Hasebe JAP Frantfurt CB Fujieda, Shizuoka 68 €0.66 35
Hiroki Sakai JAP Marsielle RB Kashiwa 69 €7.50 29
Deandre Yedlin USA Newcastle RWB Seattle, WA 64 €14.90 26
Midfielders
Weston McKennie USA Schalke CM Fort Lewis, WA 67 €7.50 21
Daichi Kamada JAP Frankfurt CM Ehime 63 €4.00 23
Shinji Kagawa JAP Real Zaragoza CAM Kobe 70 €11.90 30
Shoya Nakajima JAP Porto LM Tokyo 69 €15.40 25
Takashi Inui JAP SD Eibar LM Omihachiman 69 €12.30 31
Takumi Minamino JAP Liverpool RM Osaka 72 €33.40 26
Kangin Lee KOR Valencia CAM Incheon 63 €12.15 19
Ki Sueng Yueng KOR Newcastle CM Gwangju 63 €2.40 30
Forwards
Heung Min Son KOR Tottenham LF Gangwon 80 €62.00 27
Hwang Hee Chan KOR RB Salzburg ST Gangwon 68 €2.90 23
Yoshinori Muto JAP Newcastle ST Tokyo 62 €11.00 27
Yuya Osako JAP Werder Bremen CF Kagoshima 66 €5.70 29
Averages/Totals 66 €237.78 27.04
The affiliate clubs of this team read like an interrailing checklist; the side sprinkles across a predominantly European list of heavy-to-welter-weight clubs.
Stefan Frei likely tends the goal despite hailing from Germany, while in front of him are the familiar faces of Yoshida and Sakai who both have an eye for goal.
Takashi Inui was the star of a recent World Cup campaign that cruelly resulted in Japan almost reaching the quarter finals, losing to Belgium after being 2-0 up in one of the year's most enthralling matches. The forward thinking midfielder may play parallel to Liverpool’s newest acquisition Minamino who is finding his feet at the European champions.
The region has some explosive young talent in the way of Valencia’s Kangin Lee, the 19 year old just made the cut as Barcelona’s Takeufa Kubo is one year his junior but has a higher ceiling for future stardom, but for now his talent’s are still as raw as a California sushi roll.
I can’t finish this section without nodding to the almost boringly impressive ability of Heung-Min Song. A Champions League finalist and the first Asian player to score 50 Premier League goals, ‘Sonaldo’ is the Salah of South Korea and the unofficial eighth member of BTS, his world-class abilities will undoubtedly see him have a lot of fun in this group.
East Africa
Tunisia, Libya, Sudan, South Sudan, Chad, CAR, Ethiopia, Somalia, Eritrea, Djibouti, Niger
Population (millions): 254.59
The poorest African region in more ways than one, it is completely forgivable that this squad doesn’t compete with their continental counterparts.
The inclusion of Tunisia is greatly beneficial as the Magreb moguls have five qualifications to their name, combine that with the rest of the region and East Africa has… five qualifications to their name.
Ethiopia features less in this squad than it’s 109 million population demands. The national team won a home Cup of Nations in 1962 but have qualified just once in the last 37 years.
Troubled nation Somalia does not feature in this squad, probably because the players keep insisting they are the captain.
Goalkeepers Birthplace FM20 Value Age
Kassaly Daouda NIG Katsina United GK Dosso 52 €0.04 36
Jemal Tassew ETH Fasil Kenema GK Awassa 55 €0.13 30
Defenders
Herve Lybohy NIG Nancy CB Bouake, Ivory Coast 57 €0.72 36
Mohamed Drager TUN Paderborn RB Frieberg 57 €1.10 23
Dylar Bronn TUN FC Metz CB Cannes 61 €1.80 24
Yohan Benalouane TUN Notts Forest CB Bagnols-sur-ceze 62 €1.60 33
Oussama Haddadi TUN Ettifaq CB Tunis 60 €3.80 28
Aymen Abdennour TUN Kayserispor CB Sousse 60 €3.30 30
Eyob Zambataro ETH Atalanta LWB Addis Ababa 52 €0.30 20
Mohamed Ali Khider SDN Al Merrikh SC RWB Khartoum 56 €0.02 35
Midfielders
Ahmad Benali LBY Crotone CM Manchester 61 €1.80 28
Wahbi Khazri TUN St Ettiene CAM Ajaccio 70 €11.30 29
Geoffrey Kondogbia CAR Valencia CDM Nemours, France 73 €25.00 27
Naim Sliti TUN Ettifaq LM Marsielle 65 €5.70 27
Casimir Ninga CHA Angers LW Mandoul 61 €2.40 26
Ismael Tajouri LBY New York City LW Bern, Switzerland 60 €2.60 26
Ali Mohamed NIG Beitar Jerusalem CM Niamey 61 €1.30 25
Ellyes Skhiri TUN Koln CDM Lunel 68 €8.10 24
Forwards
Henok Goitom ERI AIK Stockholm ST Solna, Sweden 63 €0.15 35
Yoann Touzghar TUN Troyes ST Avignon 56 €0.47 33
Hamdi Harbaoui TUN Al Arabi ST Bizerte 61 €0.72 35
Issam Jebali TUN Odense B ST Majaz al Bab 62 €0.40 28
Averages/Totals 61 €72.75 29
The squads greatest chance of a high finish rests in the hands of Midfield pair Wahbi Khazri and Geoffrey Kondogbia; The Tunisian showed flashes of brilliance for an infamously poor Sunderland side, while the holding midfielder from CAR always has plenty in the tank.
Chad’s only representative Casimir Ninga can sneak through defenses unnoticed on his day but is an archetypal pacey dribbler with end product to be desired.
Henok Goitom should lead the line, the 35 year old striker was born in Sweden but is the offspring of two Eritrean asylum seekers. In 2008-09 Goitom reached double figures in La Liga but wasn’t to make his international debut until six years later, he now captains the red sea boys but the multigenerational talent’s best years are behind him, and having never qualified for AFCON, it might be an opportunity spurned.
The back line has the potential to be all Tunisian, a side that conceded eight goals in three games in russia, albeit presumably less than Djibouti would have.
Thanks again for reading, tomorrow we’ll have a region that would make Trump spit out his disinfectant , and the land of 9 million bicycles.
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